Words Aren't Everything I Swear- I'll Die Screaming This!!

You know when you watch people doing something and they make it look so effortless? And it's so zen and so aesthetically pleasing? But when you try to do the same thing, following the exact same steps it's all fireworks and bombs going off, frustration, perspiration?!! Everything is just off, nowhere near zen 🤦🤦

When does life start to feel heavy?

When your hobbies start to feel like chores

I just want the lightness and freedom back

Can we talk about pouring into your cup first thing in the morning?!

It doesn't matter if I'm running late, it doesn't matter if I woke up late, whether I snooze the alarm to the very last second, I have something that needs to be done- one thing I will do, is do something for me before anything(cue anybody) else.

I strive for at least 10 minutes and anything is game, morning yoga, meditation, affirmations, morning stretch- whatever it may be goes a long way into setting my day up.

This way even if the day gets away from me like they're fraught to- things come up, things take longer than you expected/planned for, you're tired at the end of the day- I got ahead of it!

why do we believe that for us to get closure, it must've all gone up in flames, bridges burned down to cinders and ash

why can't we move on

why do we wish that they'd broken our hearts better

it's like there was destruction but it wasn't enough for me to see damage

I need to see the damage

I don't know, it's just messed up

we don't want the amicable ends

we want blood, sweat and tears

we want to hear words we can't come back from and say them back

we want to scream and cry and croak

we don't want to walk out with our hearts whole

gluttons for pain, destruction

One thing I refuse to do, is force anyone to see my worth. I don't do that. I do not even try to make them see it. You either see it or you don't. But I'll know, from how they treat and handle me. And will then act accordingly. I will remove myself from situations where I'm treated like I am less than.

'Teach people how to treat you' and all but some treatment is just inhumane. You don't have to teach someone to recognize your inherent worth as a human being, as a person. On top of which they can recognize your worth and treat you even better but no- people just be acting clueless or entitled or as complete a** wipes.

~SM.

Have a friend that you genuinely love and you're always excited to tell all that's going on with/in your life? Relationships, work, new beginnings etc but you notice everytime you tell them whatever it was never works out?

so dreamy - new music to discover, always! new books to get lost in, so many books!! I have not met all the people who will love me!! ooh look a new favorite!! broadening horizons, perspective shifts!! ooh wait, floral perfumes aren't actually that bad, I just needed to find one that hit the spot!! look at all this beauty around me!!

I am a canvas and every moment a brush stroke!

i think about this very often to but to be alive is such a privilege. you can smell flowers, eat freshly baked cookies, lose yourself in the pages of a new book, listen to heartwarming music and read soul crushing poetry, meet kind and funny people, learn something new. i think the miracle is in waking up every day

subjecting yourself to suggested playlists and mixes because how else are you gonna discover new music? it's torture!! but the payoff? coming away from it with two new songs you're completely obsessed with? bliss!!

If your emotional bandwidth allows for it, have as many friends as you possibly can. It is paramount. Typically we're told two or three friends, then from there that's acquaintances or whatever other label they're given. But I'm imploring you to have lots of friends. Genuine, best interests at heart, nurturing friends. For so long I fed into the narrative and let me tell you-- what happens when your 3 friends are busy, are caught up in there lives, have outgrown you, you've outgrown some, they're on different stages of their journey, you're at a different stage? Doesn't necessarily have to be drifting apart, breaking up, toxic typa thing.

But as is human nature, loneliness will set in, resentment, anger, jealousy, sadness and all manner of emotions. But if you had other friends who you could still meet up with, with whom you'd fulfill your need for connection, feel seen and heard, who would hold space for you, I think you would be way better.

Some things are inevitable. There's gonna be relocation, work comes into the picture, some have families to raise now and you're gonna feel lonely, you're going to feel less than, left out, at some point you're even going to feel like you're failing. It's not that they're not making time, they just can't pour that much into you as before. Imagine a friend who now has to work up to Saturday's, they only have one day off to handle their affairs. They have to fix their family, you, their hobbies, their other relationships into this tiny day. Don't forget they have to rest, maybe do laundry, run personal errands and such. You really can't begrudge them if you don't get to see them as often as you were probably used to.

Our incompatibility is in no way a reflection of your worthiness.

If you could just understand that a NO, a rejection is more "we're just not compatible" more than it's a measure of your worth--

I've always wondered why we take it so poorly when someone rejects us but I'm realizing it's because most of the time we're attaching our worth to it. 'The fact that they don't wanna be with me must mean I'm unworthy, I'm not enough, I could have done more, could have done better' and a myriad more excuses of us trying to come to terms with it.

This is not to mean that we can't save some of our connections by doing better, or being better. It's just that there are times we put our whole being on the line, do the best we can but at some point we have to accept that maybe we just aren't compatible. We're not in alignment. And in no way is it a reflection of your worth.