Need Someone To Force Alcohol Down My Throat When I Don't Want To Drink.

Sometimes being around him feels like being kicked around like an unwanted toy. Why would he send me this. This is how I feel around him. Why would he make me feel this way. "Dog becoming frantic any time he lays eyes on a new" he fucking knows what he's doing, he fucking knows.

Full disclosure: He does not abuse me. I am safe.

It happened. He fell asleep on call with "American friend". How could I have guessed that would happen. I'm going to bed.

I hate having dreams. Why did I have a dream about him telling me he wants to know what I'm into so he knows how to play with me and him saying that he loves me and that he's attracted to me and wants to be with me forever. My head is fucking evil.

I’m trying so hard not to feel this way, to hate him, to feel resentment. But it’s so hard when all he does is talk about that friend. Idk if I’m hurting because it’s so easy for him to make close connections with people, or if I’m hurting because the guy I need to be around 24/7 doesn’t want to be with me 24/7.

I need more friends. I wish it was easy for me to meet and talk to people. To be close to others.

Whines. Feels so good.

Need someone who can treat me as a pathetic dog 24/7. Need someone who will tell me what to do. Need someone who makes decisions for me. Need someone who punishes me when I don't obey. Need someone who pushes me into dog headspace when I'm resilient and refusing. Need someone who can clicker train me.

I need to be someone's pet. I need to be able to be a dog around someone 24/7. I need to be owned.

Vero/Kit . 21 . It/They/He

Autistic traumagenic did system with bpd. This is a blog for us to keep our stuff on. Maybe make friends idk. Mostly Vero probably.

Not going to censor anything we say (as this is going to act as a sort of "open communication line" as we don't have good internal communication), but will tag appropriately.

DNI: under 18s, gatekeepers, "disorder police", cringe haters

BYF: This blog will contain NSFW, trauma-sharing, fictional depictions of sensitive topics, self-harm discussions, favourite person discussions. Probably more, will try to add accordingly.

Frequent fronters:

Vero: host. Subhuman dogthing who has intense source ties (delusional.) and needs intense therapy. Copes with his source which is a fictional world we created.

93: autism holder. Likes webcore, viruscore, and old technology. Interact with care.

Coda: persecutor. Not good, lets put it that way. Usually only around if Vero is around.

He left. I now feel so empty and like I need to fill that void again. It's only a month until I see him again but it's gonna be a long month and I'm going to be in a mood about it the whole time. At least I'm covered in marks from him I guess.

People like me shouldn’t exist

ok im really getting sick of my "bestie" leaving me on read !!! why the fuck aren't you talking to me as much as you used to !!! i wish you didn't fucking control everything i do even when you're not fucking doing anything at all to me !!!