💜

This post...is f#cking perfection, lol

Everyone deserves a cookie🍪 omg

"How about we search...Tattooine, Lord Vader?"

"How about I force-choke you and drop you in the depths of space?"

Wait, why didn't Darth Vader blow up Tattooine, too??

he was on TATOOINE you fucking loser

John Mulaney is a mood💜

Also, here's an I'm-sorry-that-your-job-sucks cookie🍪

Me: So now that’s schools out for the term I have to go back to working full time and because I have anxiety I’ll put up with anything. Like I’ll choose to work at some garbage white person food chain. You know I don’t want to name any actual restaurant chains so lets just make one up and so lets just call it Panera Bread.

Me: So I’ll go back to work at Panera Bread and I show up at the restaurant and say “Can I come back in to work safely again?”

Me: And they’re like “NO! CUSTOMERS ARE GONNA COME UP TO YOU AND YELL IN YOUR FACE! AND NOW THERES GONNA BE A STUPID LITTLE BELL RINGING ALL FUCKING DAY FROM THE CURBSIDE PICKUP!!! A N D YOU HAVE FOUR WEEKS OF CROSSTRAINING TO MAKE UP BECAUSE YOUR FRANCHISE CLOSED EXTRA LONG DURING QUARENTINE!!!”

Me: And I go “Okayyy Motherbread” and I go to start crosstraining. Then I finish crosstraining and I go: “Okay this is a lot of new stuff and I don’t fully understand the new safety measures”

Me: And they go: “yeah, we’re just gonna have you start working right away during rush hour with no help or anything. BECAUSE WE HATE YOU. AND WERE GONNA GIVE YOU THREE TIMES AS MUCH WORK AS NORMAL. Now take this curbside order and shut up!!! GO! FETCH!

Me: And I go: “Okayyyyy thank you Motherbread Sir” and I go out with the curbside order and get yelled at by a customer who threatens to call the fucking marines because we got her order wrong. (The order wasn’t wrong. The soup was UNDER THE BREAD BOWL YOU DUMB FUCKING SHIT)

Me: Then I come back inside and say: “Can I please have a little time to catch up on my work that’s building up?”

Me: And they go: “NOOOOOOOOO!”

Me: And I go: “Okayyyyyy! Thank you the superior grace emperess dictator Motherbread!”

Me: And they go: “You’re a dumb happy little employee aren’t you? You LOVE it here!!!”

Me: And I go: “noooo! Noooo!”

Me: And they go: “Say it!”

Me: And I go: “I’m a dumb happy little employee! And I LOVE it here!”

Me: And then I go over to finish learning the new helpful training protocols which is an oxymoron and I go: “Can I please learn how to properly sanitize equipment and take credit card orders over the phone?”

Me: And they go: “Nooooo! We’re gonna make you relearn every station you’ve ever been trained for! And then, we’re gonna frame you for murder! And you’re gonna go to jail for 30 YEARS!”

Me: And I go: “Why are you doing this to me?”

Me: And they go: “Because we’re Panera Bread and life is a fucking nightmare!”

Me: But then sometimes I work morning shifts and it’s better

Conan Gray played on the radio and I got excited 💜

Love his music

Instagram

@charnellecatastrophe this your bird?

this is the funniest thing I’ve seen in weeks

they need to invent smudge proof glasses cause i am so tired of it

So, I got on a dating site, filled out the info and everything, right? Going through some guys' profiles; age preferences; who I think is cute and such. Talking to my sister @charnellecatastrophe about how it's been so far....Bruh, some of them just put "ask me later." "Ask me anything." "Text me to find out XD!" etc. And nothing else! Everything else is just left blank!

Like, the reason you fill out the info about yourself and the type of person you want to date is so you can find someone who might be compatible!

I'm really about ask the most random and uncomfortable questions just to mess with 'em

"Does Hocus Pocus make you horny?" “You ever been to jail?" "Do you know about your car's extended warranty?" "How do you feel about horse porn?" "Do you read 4th grade workbooks for fun?" "Do you like cheese on macoroni?" "Have you ever cut your sister's hair with a chainsaw?"

You said I could ask anything 🤔

@charnellecatastrophe also pointed out how sometimes, it's the reverse: you fill out the info and some don't even read it! Like, say I put that I dislike horror movies. Cue, the meet up and you're buying two tickets for Paranormal Activity 87. Why? Cause, you didn't read my info or look at my interests. Another thing I thought of was safety. Like, what if you're deathly allergic to peanuts, flowers, etc, and I bring Reese's peanut butter cups, or a rose as a meetup gift. Now, you're dying, because you didn't mention that at all.

i don't think enough people who haven't watched danny phantom know about dan. i don't even think we talk about it enough. there's seriously a storyline where all of danny's family and loved ones are tied to a fast food restaurant and they blow up and die. they get fucking murdered, on purpose. and it cuts to the future and he'd gone full ballistic and destroyed the entire world. his ghost half killed his human half and then he became a super villain fueled by grief and evil and he nuked the whole world with his ghost powers. like that was really something that happened in the 2004 Y7 Nickelodeon children's show Danny Phantom and i don't think enough people know about that. if you ever wondered why the danny phantom fandom is Like That(tm) please believe me when i say the show is actually directly responsible for it

Referral Time

https://upvir.al/ref/fb26083785 Hey y'all it's TheUnicorn ✨ here! So I found this contest about...books! It's from Storiarts; they're pretty cool. They sell book-related merch. Hit/click the link if you're interested 😊

A black girl will be spending years in jail because she had a mental health crisis. PLEASE READ

Meet Saraya: she was experiencing a mental health crisis. Police came and tackled her. She is 15.

Saraya Rees is a 15 year old biracial girl from Coos County, Oregon. After being abruptly instructed to stop taking her antidepressants by a local pediatrician, Saraya went into psychosis. In her manic state, Saraya poured a small amount of gasoline on the floor. Her parents called Coos Health & Wellness in hope that that would send mental health advisors, Coos Health & Wellness sent the police. While still in psychosis, the officers arrested her, questioned her without her family or lawyers present, charged with attempted murder and assault, and sent her to juvenile prison for 11 years.

ELEVEN.YEARS.

This is not justice.

This is inhumane.

WHAT YOU CAN DO TO HELP:

1. Call these people and demand that she be let go to the custody in her parents.

Please call Governor Kate Brown and Senator Jeff Merkely.⁠

⁠

📞Governor Kate Brown: (503) 378-4582⁠

📞Senator Jeff Merkley: (503) 326-3386⁠

2. Sign the petition! 

http://chng.it/dPR59dnMzq

Please DO NOT donate to CHANGE.ORG, instead donate to Saraya’s gofundme. 

3. Follow @justiceforsaraya on instagram. You can find info on where to send her encouragement cards and get updated on progress.

4. SEND CARDS TO THE FOLLOWING (please also note card sending rules)

OAK CREEK CORRECTIONAL FACIILITY  C/O SARAYA REES 4400 LOCHNER ROAD SE  ALBANY, OR 97332

EDIT: PLEASE CONSIDER THESE RULES WHEN SENDING HER CARDS! The family has asked for the following when sending cards: 

-No vulgar language or cursing (she’s a child, afterall) 

-No stickers

-No metal 

- Do not use return address stickers

-No Cash

Using these things could mean Saraya doesn’t get your card. If you want to donate to the family during this very hard time, please use the GOFUND ME.

 https://www.gofundme.com/f/justice4saraya

You can also send her gifts for when she gets out to a PO BOX: 

SARAYA’S PO BOX PO BOX 211 MYRTLE POINT, OR 97458

MENTAL ILLNESS IS NOT A CRIME. LET’S FREE OUR GIRL SARAYA!!!

Saraya’s website: https://www.justice4saraya.com/