John Mulaney Is A Mood💜

John Mulaney is a mood💜

Also, here's an I'm-sorry-that-your-job-sucks cookie🍪

Me: So now that’s schools out for the term I have to go back to working full time and because I have anxiety I’ll put up with anything. Like I’ll choose to work at some garbage white person food chain. You know I don’t want to name any actual restaurant chains so lets just make one up and so lets just call it Panera Bread.

Me: So I’ll go back to work at Panera Bread and I show up at the restaurant and say “Can I come back in to work safely again?”

Me: And they’re like “NO! CUSTOMERS ARE GONNA COME UP TO YOU AND YELL IN YOUR FACE! AND NOW THERES GONNA BE A STUPID LITTLE BELL RINGING ALL FUCKING DAY FROM THE CURBSIDE PICKUP!!! A N D YOU HAVE FOUR WEEKS OF CROSSTRAINING TO MAKE UP BECAUSE YOUR FRANCHISE CLOSED EXTRA LONG DURING QUARENTINE!!!”

Me: And I go “Okayyy Motherbread” and I go to start crosstraining. Then I finish crosstraining and I go: “Okay this is a lot of new stuff and I don’t fully understand the new safety measures”

Me: And they go: “yeah, we’re just gonna have you start working right away during rush hour with no help or anything. BECAUSE WE HATE YOU. AND WERE GONNA GIVE YOU THREE TIMES AS MUCH WORK AS NORMAL. Now take this curbside order and shut up!!! GO! FETCH!

Me: And I go: “Okayyyyy thank you Motherbread Sir” and I go out with the curbside order and get yelled at by a customer who threatens to call the fucking marines because we got her order wrong. (The order wasn’t wrong. The soup was UNDER THE BREAD BOWL YOU DUMB FUCKING SHIT)

Me: Then I come back inside and say: “Can I please have a little time to catch up on my work that’s building up?”

Me: And they go: “NOOOOOOOOO!”

Me: And I go: “Okayyyyyy! Thank you the superior grace emperess dictator Motherbread!”

Me: And they go: “You’re a dumb happy little employee aren’t you? You LOVE it here!!!”

Me: And I go: “noooo! Noooo!”

Me: And they go: “Say it!”

Me: And I go: “I’m a dumb happy little employee! And I LOVE it here!”

Me: And then I go over to finish learning the new helpful training protocols which is an oxymoron and I go: “Can I please learn how to properly sanitize equipment and take credit card orders over the phone?”

Me: And they go: “Nooooo! We’re gonna make you relearn every station you’ve ever been trained for! And then, we’re gonna frame you for murder! And you’re gonna go to jail for 30 YEARS!”

Me: And I go: “Why are you doing this to me?”

Me: And they go: “Because we’re Panera Bread and life is a fucking nightmare!”

Me: But then sometimes I work morning shifts and it’s better

More Posts from Unicornteacup24 and Others

5 months ago

It's giving lumberjacked Danny Gonzalez lol

2023 BELGIAN GP : Thursday | © Dan Mullan
2023 BELGIAN GP : Thursday | © Dan Mullan
2023 BELGIAN GP : Thursday | © Dan Mullan
2023 BELGIAN GP : Thursday | © Dan Mullan

2023 BELGIAN GP : Thursday | © Dan Mullan


Tags
3 years ago

do you guys wanna see how bs ‘’’bmi’’’ is?

let’s start with a few pictures of my body shall we

Do You Guys Wanna See How Bs ‘’’bmi’’’ Is?
Do You Guys Wanna See How Bs ‘’’bmi’’’ Is?

(please ignore messy room i’m in the process of packing)

Do You Guys Wanna See How Bs ‘’’bmi’’’ Is?

okay so that’s the body of someone that eats healthy, literally my fave food is broccoli, and i work out 5 days a week, you’d think i’m at ‘’’healthy weight’’’’ right?????

BITCH NOPE

Do You Guys Wanna See How Bs ‘’’bmi’’’ Is?

that bitch telling me to eat 1500 - 1900 calories a day are you fucking joking??? that’s fucking starving myself and i’m not doing that. fuck you.

3 years ago

What’s happening on Twitter? 😂

2 years ago

Watch "Spider-Man: Across the Spider-Verse | Official Trailer #2 | Sony Animation" on YouTube

Yesss I'm so here for this!


Tags
3 weeks ago

tbh the aspec community has a bit of a problem with people assuming they're the only person they'll ever know who wants what they want. like it's a reasonable assumption bc of how society at large tells you you're the weird one, but I get the sense a lot of people here actually believe they will never meet people who want things like intimate platonic relationships, or romance without sex, etc... this assumption is making it harder to come to terms with being aspec if you're hopeless that no one will ever be like you. odds are you WILL meet other people who want these things because there are actually a lot of people out there waiting for you too. you're not the only one and it's not impossible.


Tags
4 months ago

YES! First, lovely art; it's very pretty 😍. Secondly, I thought the exact same thing! Specifically when Tails got launched out by Knuckles and seemed to hold his breath right before.

It honestly makes sense to me for Shadow not to be super effected; he's the "Ultimate Lifeform". Plus, he was suspended in animation for 50 years. I feel like his body was built for harsh environments.

Sonic 3 Spoilers sort of!

From the moon.

A digital drawing in a sort of painted style. Sonic and Shadow sit side by side on the surface of the moon, backs to the viewer, looking out over the sun beginning to rise above the Earth.

Drew this the morning after I saw the movie, trying to mess around with a more loose style and paint-y brush. Very experimental but I kinda liked it! Took about an hour to make.

It’s completely from memory so I know I got a bunch wrong, I’m probably gonna draw the scene again once proper screenshots are available bc it was so pretty

Also, something I was thinking about the entire time they were on the moon out of their super forms:

Sonic 3 Spoilers Sort Of!
Sonic 3 Spoilers Sort Of!
Sonic 3 Spoilers Sort Of!
Sonic 3 Spoilers Sort Of!

Tags
2 years ago

Disabled people deserve to fall in love. Disabled people should be able to marry without repercussions, without losing anything. It's almost 2023 and why is this still a hot take.

1 month ago

"i'm tired of seeing-" use your filters.

"but there was an icky ship-!" use your filters.

"i don't like that tag-" use your filters.

don't like what you're seeing? use. your. filters.

  • godisdeadandsoarehiscrimes
    godisdeadandsoarehiscrimes reblogged this · 4 years ago
  • godisdeadandsoarehiscrimes
    godisdeadandsoarehiscrimes liked this · 4 years ago
  • flooflucifer
    flooflucifer liked this · 4 years ago
  • unicornteacup24
    unicornteacup24 reblogged this · 4 years ago
  • unicornteacup24
    unicornteacup24 liked this · 4 years ago
  • numberonestudentwolfone
    numberonestudentwolfone liked this · 4 years ago
  • tiny-kitchenwitch
    tiny-kitchenwitch liked this · 4 years ago
  • alaveii
    alaveii liked this · 4 years ago
  • thetreesaregay
    thetreesaregay liked this · 4 years ago
  • eclipse-wilcard
    eclipse-wilcard liked this · 4 years ago
  • non-mushroom-nor-plant
    non-mushroom-nor-plant liked this · 4 years ago
  • nomorecheesecake
    nomorecheesecake liked this · 4 years ago
  • shippingfordayz
    shippingfordayz reblogged this · 4 years ago
  • shippingfordayz
    shippingfordayz liked this · 4 years ago
  • harlees-world
    harlees-world liked this · 4 years ago
  • hpscar
    hpscar liked this · 4 years ago
  • lucifers-favorite-child
    lucifers-favorite-child liked this · 4 years ago
  • mimilovesf1
    mimilovesf1 liked this · 4 years ago
  • theconfusedbisexual88
    theconfusedbisexual88 liked this · 4 years ago
  • starry-eyed-oaks
    starry-eyed-oaks liked this · 4 years ago
  • blondiewithrainbowcrocs
    blondiewithrainbowcrocs liked this · 4 years ago
  • knowmyships
    knowmyships liked this · 4 years ago
  • doctor-mccoys-sanity
    doctor-mccoys-sanity liked this · 4 years ago
  • screambaguette
    screambaguette liked this · 4 years ago
  • motivation-who
    motivation-who liked this · 4 years ago
  • bigbluelemon
    bigbluelemon liked this · 4 years ago
  • your-local-messy
    your-local-messy liked this · 4 years ago
  • stxphxn-strange
    stxphxn-strange liked this · 4 years ago
  • thebadacefangirl
    thebadacefangirl liked this · 4 years ago
  • incominglight
    incominglight liked this · 4 years ago
  • writingmywill
    writingmywill liked this · 4 years ago
  • sherlyawew
    sherlyawew liked this · 4 years ago
  • adayinthelifeofnaysalspray
    adayinthelifeofnaysalspray liked this · 4 years ago
  • wisewastelandenthusiast
    wisewastelandenthusiast liked this · 4 years ago
  • blehhhhhs-things
    blehhhhhs-things liked this · 4 years ago
  • ill-kidnap-all-the-stars
    ill-kidnap-all-the-stars liked this · 4 years ago
  • spideykid
    spideykid liked this · 4 years ago
  • yansi1923
    yansi1923 liked this · 4 years ago
  • lovelylostdaydreamer
    lovelylostdaydreamer liked this · 4 years ago
  • they-call-me-tailor
    they-call-me-tailor liked this · 4 years ago
  • queer-angel-in-megahell
    queer-angel-in-megahell liked this · 4 years ago
  • fuckselfloveihatemyself
    fuckselfloveihatemyself liked this · 4 years ago
  • mcusic-to-my-ears
    mcusic-to-my-ears liked this · 4 years ago
  • transsexual-dandelions
    transsexual-dandelions reblogged this · 4 years ago
  • transsexual-dandelions
    transsexual-dandelions liked this · 4 years ago
unicornteacup24 - ✌🏾Hey y'all, it's TheUnicorn 🦄 💜🫧🍂
✌🏾Hey y'all, it's TheUnicorn 🦄 💜🫧🍂

She/Her, 25. I fangirl about various things: books, movies, animes, etc. I'm pretty chill when I'm not a nervous disaster 😅 Nice to meet ya!

293 posts

Explore Tumblr Blog
Search Through Tumblr Tags