Do You Think Neil Josten Likes Garlic Bread

ok you know how neil counts to ten to calm down? has that worked a single time in this series?? i stg he always gets to like 6 and then just fucking SNAPS

you know what’s painful? before the final match against the ravens when neil says that he can see how much matt loves his mom and that “sometimes he was still surprised at how blatantly that love was returned” 

like?? 

mary did her best to keep neil alive and they had a complicated relationship but, ultimately, neil loved her

this quote hurts though, because neil obviously didn’t really get that love reciprocated - yes, in her own way, mary loved him and tried to keep him safe and as happy as possible given the circumstances, but overall his life on the run was full of pain and fear and his mom added to that

so of course it’s weird for him to see randy love matt so fiercely and so openly, but my heart still aches for him

creed from the office would be neil in the future if he’d never signed with the foxes

my guy matt is such a speedy driver that andrew didn’t even catch up to him on the way to the mountains like... oh my ajm, driving with matt would be a mix of wholesome, chaotic, and absolutely terrifying

the hemmicks ask andrew to lead the prayer one (1) time at a “family dinner” and he goes “rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub, yay god”. they never ask him to say grace again

okay but andrew thinking that neil was just a side-effect of the drugs just-

he thought that neil was too good to be true, that there was no way he could actually be real 

he probably braced himself for bitter disappointment when he was going through withdrawal, was probably expecting to feel apathy towards everyone and everything yet again

but then neil was there and he was just as interesting as before

he still cared about andrew

he respected andrew’s boundaries

he didn’t run

he kept his promises

the man with a plethora of secrets willingly opened about his life, unprompted, for three hours on the bus

like

how did andrew come to terms with the fact that neil wasn’t a pipedream, he wasn’t too good to be true?? 

how did he accept that neil chose him and he wasn’t backing out, wasn’t leaving??? 

how long did it take him to stop expecting neil to abandon him? 

how long did it take him to realize that neil was permanent?

and for how long did andrew think that he didn’t deserve any of it?

when jean told neil that “fun is for children” at the winter banquet, he probably actually believed what he was saying. i doubt this traumatized man has genuinely had fun since he was a kid back in france - and even then it was probably rare bc let’s be real, if your parents sell you to the yakuza to pay off debts, it’s unlikely they provided a childhood full of sunshine

matt and neil’s relationship is so sweet and i just KNOW that as soon as he figured out that neil loved fruit, matt made sure that their dorm was always stocked with so. much. fruit. (especially oranges bc yknow, foxes) and i can see him discreetly placing snacks on the corner of the desk as neil does his hw (aka doodles fox paws on papers mindlessly) just to see the way that neil pauses his doodling and gingerly eats the fruit like its the most precious thing in the world

okay when you read about neil’s scars, did you picture the burn mark to be from like a fire poker iron that his dad hit him with or an actual... iron?? bc i’ve always pictured a fire poker. it just seems so wild that nathan would casually have a hot clothing iron ready to burn his kid

i absolutely ADORE when people say stuff like “head canon that neil and andrew dance to christmas music when no one is watching🥺” because like they absolutely do not but i love the enthusiasm