Agdjahkshskdhj You’re Not Wrong💀💀

the hemmicks ask andrew to lead the prayer one (1) time at a “family dinner” and he goes “rub a dub dub, thanks for the grub, yay god”. they never ask him to say grace again

nicky has such a big heart and prioritizes everyone else over himself and i feel like we don’t talk about it enough. he’s the type of person who soothes the foxes during their panic attacks. he’s the type of person who will leave the only place that truly feels like home behind to go look after two difficult teens. he’s the type of person who will sit next to a crying stranger in the hallway and comfort them however they need (talking, distracting, joking, quiet support) without expecting anything in return

erik showed him joy and love and acceptance. i think nicky made it his goal to do the same for everyone he even remotely cares about

neil likes sweet things, just not artificial sweetness. it’s canon that he likes fruit, which is packed with natural sugars!! i think that this also translates to people for him - if someone has a mask up or seems too nice (re: renee, bee, etc), he tends to be wary of them. he really just craves authenticity 

nicky buys andrew rainbow socks at pride one year as a joke and also as a futile attempt to bond. he forgets about them, but andrew often wears them under his black boots (especially when they go to eden’s) and no one knows about it. years later, at psu, nicky walks in on neil and andrew asleep on the couch. and there, peeking out from under blankets and neil’s legs, are the rainbow socks on andrew’s feet. nicky doesn’t take a picture because it feels too personal, but his heart soars at the sight and he cherishes this small victory

Wymack: sometimes people ask me how i manage the foxes so easily. truth is, i don’t. i have no control over them whatsoever. aaron called me this morning and when i showed up andrew shot me in the throat with a nerf gun

okay but andrew thinking that neil was just a side-effect of the drugs just-

he thought that neil was too good to be true, that there was no way he could actually be real 

he probably braced himself for bitter disappointment when he was going through withdrawal, was probably expecting to feel apathy towards everyone and everything yet again

but then neil was there and he was just as interesting as before

he still cared about andrew

he respected andrew’s boundaries

he didn’t run

he kept his promises

the man with a plethora of secrets willingly opened about his life, unprompted, for three hours on the bus

like

how did andrew come to terms with the fact that neil wasn’t a pipedream, he wasn’t too good to be true?? 

how did he accept that neil chose him and he wasn’t backing out, wasn’t leaving??? 

how long did it take him to stop expecting neil to abandon him? 

how long did it take him to realize that neil was permanent?

and for how long did andrew think that he didn’t deserve any of it?

neil “i’m fine” josten telling wymack after coming back from evermore that no, no, he’s not alright just... pierces my heart every time i think about it. you can really see how much neil’s grown by how he finally begins to trust someone other than himself or his mom. he puts himself in such a vulnerable position when he reaches out, especially by asking for help from an older man (given his past). and the way that wymack drops everything during winter break to immediately rush to the airport, i just- 

Here’s a promt. Like Andrew, Aaron has a similar memory and a couple trigger words such as being called “ungrateful”. But unlike Andrew, Aaron shuts down.

Oh.

(cw: past abuse, trauma, trauma responses, apathy, foul language.)

"You're an ungrateful little bitch sometimes, you know that? Fuck, sometimes I really wish I'd given you up."

The first time someone called him ungrateful, Aaron tried to defend himself. It didn't go well for him in the end, but he supposed afterward that he should have learned how to duck from a punch before demanding life be fair.

When it happens now, Aaron knows consciously that nothing was meant by it. It's another matter of Coach being Coach, being a gruff old man with an attitude that Aaron normally admires. He likes that Wymack doesn't take anybody's shit, he likes even more that Wymack won't take his. There's some sort of safety in knowing he could be an asshole to the man and not get in any real trouble for it. (There is safety in knowing he won't be hurt for talking back.)

They're in the lounge when Coach says it. Aaron is perched on the armrest of the couch, with Nicky, Neil, and Andrew all seated on the cushions, and Kevin on the opposite armrest. The team is going over some basic shit for their next game, something Aaron has heard Kevin repeat time and time and time again. He's half-tuned out, but comes back to it when someone says something about dinner.

"You owe us, Coach." It's Nicky. He's whining about it, and Aaron tries not to roll his eyes. "We won last week, I think we deserve a team dinner after this week's game!"

"I owe you squat," Wymack says, his expression flat. "All the shit I do for you assholes?"

"Come on, Coach!" Matt this time, a grin spread wide on his face and a mischievous glint in his eyes. Aaron looks back at Wymack.

For his part, the man isn't swayed. He gives Matt the same dead look he gave Nicky. "You're all ungrateful little shits," he says.

It takes a surprisingly long time for Aaron to process what's been said. The word doesn't quite hit him right away, and at least four seconds have elapsed by the time he really reacts. Ungrateful.

The world feels less real than it did five seconds ago, Aaron decides. He knows what's happening, it isn't the first time he's gone through this shit, and he knows it sure as hell won't be the last. That doesn't make it any better though, so he just as easily dismisses the past experience in favor of trying to keep up with the conversation instead of being unresponsive.

It doesn't work. Not as well as he wants it to anyway, and definitely not well enough to convince his family that nothing happened. Aaron can feel Andrew's gaze on him, steady and unyielding and oh so suspicious of the man he calls his brother. For a moment, Aaron wonders if he looks the same way Andrew did last week when Kevin said the word "misunderstanding". They both have their words, he knows, and now Andrew knows one of his.

The conversation is still going on, Aaron realizes belatedly. He's trying too hard to get his eyes to focus to really pay attention to it, and when he looks down at his hands they're so fucking blurry he's not even sure if they're his. They must be, though, because who else would they belong to? They can't be anyone else's hands, they wouldn't be in his lap if they were.

"Aaron," Andrew's voice says, and Aaron blinks and looks away from his blurry fingers. There's less noise now, and when Aaron forces his eyes to look around the room, he realizes that the others are gone. When did they leave? How long has he been sitting here? It can't have been that long, he wasn't — he wasn't gone that long.

Andrew is standing in front of him, he realizes — that's his face. That's his, his and Andrew's face. They're the same. That's his brother. Aaron wants to say something, tries to say something, but his voice isn't quite working and he doesn't get why.

"Aaron," Andrew says again, and Aaron returns his wandering eyes to his brother's face. Andrew looks... bored. Bored? Bored. He always looks bored, though. Except when he's angry. Or when he's talking to Neil. Or when... when he's playing Exy. Andrew likes Exy, he does, but he won't ever say it. That's okay, though. Aaron won't tell.

Then Andrew is holding up his hands, and Aaron follows their actions with his eyes. Andrew grabs hold of his hands, or at least that's what it looks like, but Aaron still can't really tell if they're his. He feels it, he thinks, but that could just be his mind playing tricks on him. The connection between visual reception and tactile stimuli fascinates him, but—

"Aaron," Andrew says a third time, and this time Aaron meets his eyes. Andrew breathes slowly, obvious enough that Aaron can slowly start to match it. It helps, he thinks, and his fingers twitch against Andrew's. Andrew squeezes his hands in return, not enough to hurt, but enough that Aaron can feel it. His eyes still aren't entirely focused yet, so he blinks a few more times, startles a bit when he feels tears fall onto his cheeks. When did that happen?

Andrew looks indifferent as ever, Aaron realizes as he takes another slow breath in time. There's nothing in his expression, but Aaron tries to see through that — Andrew stayed for a reason. Andrew's saying his name for a reason. A year ago, Aaron isn't sure he would have.

"Aaron," one more time, and whatever Andrew sees when they lock eyes again must convince him Aaron is okay. And he is, Aaron thinks, he thinks he's okay. Or at least he will be.

Andrew lets go of his hands and steps back, giving him another silent once-over before nodding to himself and walking out. The room feels empty without Andrew there, but it's enough of a motivator for Aaron to stand up and follow him.

neil going around the baltimore hotel and checking the drawers to make sure nothing was left behind is too pure. they may have adopted him, but he still looks out for his own. and he also definitely thinks they’re not responsible enough to remember to check 

neil josten’s favourite place to sit is the floor. i will die on this hill