He Is More Of Myself Than I Am.

he looks like a hurt puppy i’m literally never getting over this

shared looks

let’s start a new party, you and me. (inspo)

Testing a new brush out and thinking about the season 4 minis. I think (for the most part) the style they're in is rather charming. Wish we got a Jon tho 💔

For “happy birthday ” Album

Choose the latter ✨

A little Byeler sketches

some byler + elmax!

ik this has been said but mike taking his time kissing each of will's moles when they're cuddling is real to me

So I’ve been thinking (as one does) about the sequence of Byler scenes and how Mike’s infamous “triple take in the desert” fits into it all, given how things played out?

Because something that has always struck me as curious was the way Mike went from crumpling El’s last letter and openly admitting he missed Will more than anyone to not being able to meet Will’s eyes during the infamous “desert triple take,” & looking at it now I think a few things are happening…chief among them guilt.

(forewarning, this is a long ass post):

I already talked about how after the Mileven fight, both El and Mike had basically checked out emotionally from their relationship. It’s clear from what she writes and what Mike says to Will about it being "a fight you can't come back from" / him throwing her letter away that they're both checked out of their romantic relationship & are refusing to communicate meaningfully with the other one.

What I didn’t talk about though was how Mike immediately seemed to perk up, even to the point of being (dare I say it) flirtatious with Will, once Will showed that he cared enough to listen and give Mike advice about his relationship—not because he wanted to be reassured about his relationship with El, but because it showed him that Will was willing to engage meaningfully in their friendship again.

Before this moment, it’s clear Mike felt like Will was pulling away from him, which is why he's been "acting weird" for most of what we see up to this point in S4—and that is something we can infer both from the editing of Hopper’s letter in S3—

—and can continue reading if we look at his response to Will at the airport (where he believes Will is both not talking to him about things and is confirmed to be making art for someone else, despite that being something Mike has repeatedly shown he cherishes from Will)

—in addition to the rink-o-mania fight, aka Mike being upset that Will isn’t being sociable with him + being defensive when Will says he didn’t reach out, which Will didn’t either.

Anyway.

From first of the “heart to hearts” Byler have this season in Jonathan’s bedroom, we see that Mike’s willingness to let go of his relationship with El is followed almost immediately by Mike deciding its time to not only apologize to Will for how he’s been acting since he and El got together ("Maybe I was worrying too much about El")—

—but also say Will is more important to him than all of his other friends, and that he wants them to be as close (if not closer) than they’ve been as they move into whatever terrors now await them.

Its clear at this point that Mike has no issue not only being emotionally vulnerable with Will, but holding Will’s gaze for extended periods—their emotional intimacy is obvious, and neither of them shy away from it even though Mike and El haven't officially broken up.

So…what happened between Mike being so open with Will and him not being able to look him in the eyes? The shootout, obviously. Watching “unknown hero agent man” die in front of them, with little more than a “get to Owens because I’m worried about the girl," which gives us this shot of Mike looking openly at Will when UHAM dies.

(I feel like this shot proves that, even in the wake of intense danger, they have no problem continuing in their "we can understand each other with just looks" communication style (emotional intimacy & familiarity), in addition to showing us that (even though you'd think would make Mike worry about El immediately), Mike still isn't trying to hide from Will—not the way he does in the desert).

Even that wasn't enough to undermine the clear renewal of visual and emotional connection Will and Mike have developed though, so what was it that made Mike want to keep himself from being seen?

Argyle’s little freakout.

I think this, more than anything else, is where Mike had a moment of not only realization of the stakes, but also guilt at not being as concerned about El and her welfare as he "should" be, given that she's his "superhero girlfriend."

Here, we watch Mike look terrified/mortified before he visibly deflates at being told that El and his friends are in danger because she left leave to get her powers back--in addition to Argyle repeatedly emphasizing (both with his words and his literally grabbing/pointing at/holding Mike) that its Mike's burden to bear now that El (and by extension everyone) is in danger because El left without him. Mike (ever our paladin) feels horrible about this...and it's here that we get the infamous "desert triple take."

The second Mike realizes that the soft and sensitive thing he’d opened up to earlier in the day with Will (focusing on him + the renewed closeness between them, as well as their slowly growing romantic tension) is antithetical to both 1) his overwhelming sense of responsibility to El (because no one else knows about their fight) and 2) the major issue at hand with what's going on in Hawkins...he doesn't hold eye contact because he wants to hide from Will, even though he knows Will can see him anyway.

Like. There is so much going on in that boy's heart in this moment:

his newfound sense of emotional distance with El (which he actually feels completely fine with), because El herself was okay

his (re)new(ed) feelings and closeness with Will (which makes him happy while still being both familiar and entirely new)

the looming threat of danger in Hawkins for his family and friends (on top of Will, Jonathan and Argyle), and then

the weight of being reminded that, despite their fight and the distance between them...he is the boyfriend of the only person who can do anything about Vecna and the trouble at home.

Knowing Mike's as we do, it's pretty clear that this poor kid is going through it trying to manage the weight of both the looming threats of the government and Vecna, especially while managing everyone's expectations of him. In fact, its painfully clear to me why Finn Wolfhard made a point to say Mike was just trying to act "normal" here too, because Mike's "normal" is being extra responsible for the people around him, and showing he cares by going the extra mile to protect the people he loves the most.

And then (even with Will trying to reassure him) we get this scene where Mike moves forward agreeing with the assessment that he is the one responsible for all these things—

—which leads us into the second half of the season + all the little moments when he puts the weight of the world on his own shoulders instead of being honest about what he feels (and who he feels it for).

To me, that little Triple Take in the Desert always seemed like a demarkation of something significant in Mike, and now looking back I know its because it was the moment when he 1) felt most vulnerable and 2) moved back out from his new vulnerability/honesty and into being the "leader" and "heart" that Will tried to remind him he was.

If I'm really honest, what tipped me off to it was the fact that this is the only scene we get Mike in a plain white shirt—he is stripped down to only one layer in this scene alone, as we see him in his teal jacket the scene directly before, and the second he moves back into his "leader/problem solver" role (when he figures out that the pen had the number in it) the Cali crew scene immediately after (the one with the phone call / map) we have him in his teal jacket again.

If anything, I think this moment marks a major turn point in Mike's character in the sense that he was slipping into a clearer, more present honesty with himself and his feelings for both El and Will before it—he was no longer hiding how much he cared for Will, and he was willing to accept that his relationship with Eleven, at least the romantic side of it, was probably over.

Once Argyle reminded him of his role though—his responsibility to El and how that played into his responsibility to everyone, really—he starts doubting and second-guessing his newfound honesty (him no longer forcing himself to be responsible for El, or forcing himself give up the things he loved to do what was expected of him like Will & DnD) and reverting back into that S3 "fake it 'till you make it" energy.

We see this in how he starts feeling down when Will says that "once they save El, they can play Nintendo & DnD for the rest of their lives" (because he wants that, but people expect something else from him). We see it in how clearly moved he is by what Will tells him about the painting / how much he loves it and wants it to be from Will (and how his face falls when he's told that the painting came from Eleven).

We even see it in how he hesitates to say what he wants to say to El before Argyle interrupts his moment with her at the pizza parlor, and the way looks deeply troubled by the thought of telling El he loves her (and looks troubled while he's saying it) even after Will goes out of his way to insinuate to Mike (in much the same way Argyle did) that he is the one responsible for leading El & the party.

Mike the entire second half of the season is struggling and losing against his internalized sense of "normalcy" and responsibility for others at the expense of his own desires—

—only, as we watch happen as the season goes on, his lack of ability to be honest about what (and who) he wants and loves while the people around him look to him to lead and guide them (with his heart), leads to heartbreak and devastation for everyone involved.

I can only imagine how the weight of this (and the weight of the lies, confusions/lessons learned by other characters surrounding him) is gonna play out in S5, because (in Mike's case especially) it's exactly like what Eddie said at the start of the season:

I'm excited.

PANIC! AT THE AIRPORT (BY MIKE WHEELER)

Mike Wheeler in S04E02 - Vecna's Curse aka: In the Closet (at a lot more than rink-o-mania)