Don't Ever Tell Someone Yes Just To Please Them Or To Save Them.

At Walmart because my mom found me on my walk and brought me an iced coffee and talked me through all of my problems and reassured me and for once we had a conversation without any arguments.

Oh here’s a quote from her by the way

“You’re very gifted at building worlds and personalities”

She meant that because I’m a writer but she doesn’t know that’s my entire life story

At least I’m being myself now, not that that’s working

SHE MESSAGED ME ON FUCKING AIRBUDS IM GONNA CRASH OUT WHY WONT SHE LEAVE ME ALONE PLEASE

Someone save me from this false angel, swooping down and preying on me in my darkest hour.

I only know she’s fake because I’ve seen the work of a real one.

Please someone rescue me.

sometimes i question how im alive

like damn bitch you live like this?

I haven’t digested anything other then a handful of snacks in the last 48 hours because i lose my breakfast whenever i take my meds, I don’t get lunch money anymore, and I can’t bring myself to eat dinner for some reason.

I don't blame you for saying no.

I understand.

the person I was wouldn't have been good for you

So… I didn’t eat again today. I know I said I would but I genuinely didn’t have time this morning and I’m out of money to buy lunch.

I’ll eat something at dinner time I promise

God at this rate I’m gonna be more malnourished then that glowing russian twink/ref

This is where my life is at this point 😔

J - Just

I - Into

R - Risky

A - Antics

I - I also wanna die and drink and jack off and die and drink and jack off and die and drink--

"Goodnight bro, see you tomorrow"

He doesn't understand how much I needed to hear that, to know that he's going to spend time with me willingly. Sometimes it feels like people only talk to me because I initiate, but hearing those simple 5 words made everything feel okay. I feel like I'm back in 8th grade, making plans to go over and hang out in his backyard I feel like I'm free from all my troubles that came later. I'm free from the changes that I never wanted to make and were forced on me by... some bad people.

I feel like the person I want to be again. I feel like I am who I should be and who I would have been if not for all the shit I've went through.

I hope this feeling stays around for a while.

I hope he says those words again tomorrow. "Goodnight bro. See you tomorrow" Goodnight, bro.

I'll be here, enjoying the feelings those words gave me. It will be a good night.

if it helps, my shoulder blades hurt like shit. the wings get so heavy with guilt, they really do.

what do you do when they wont go away? they've never lasted this long or hurt this bad...