I Have A Better Relationship With My Brother Than I Do With Any Of My Real Family.

This is where my life is at this point 😔

J - Just

I - Into

R - Risky

A - Antics

I - I also wanna die and drink and jack off and die and drink and jack off and die and drink--

I made progress and growth today.

If you'd like to hear.

I made up with someone I've been upset with. I finally apologized to him and his friends.

They were happy that I was back.

I fixed that. I repaired my relationship there.

I really did.

I didn't do it to make them feel better this time.

I made a choice for myself finally, and it didn't end up hurting anyone.

I won't even be hurt by letting him back into my life. He's a good person.

One of my best online friends is dying in the hospital right now.

He has a brain tumor and he's going in for surgery. He might die and he might go braindead depending on how the surgery goes.

His parent's don't care enough to be there with him so the only person with him is his therapist.

Please don't let one of the good ones die, God. I know he'll go to heaven, but he can't leave yet. He has so much ahead of him.

Ch if you die I don't know if I could handle it.

If you think it's best, I can go.

I won't be mad.

I can hide. I can avoid you. These are things I know I can do.

I’ll do it if you want.

Don't keep me around because of guilt.

Don't ever tell someone yes just to please them or to save them.

Trust me.

That's why this happened in the first place.

i apologize for even the smallest things like i always do. it's just part of how i am i guess

at least not only to me

i'm sorry to everyone involved i hope you know

fighting for my will to live rn

on the upside I got more VA work and my grades are decent and my brothers are talking to me more

on the downside i ruined my relationship and friendships, i constantly feel like crying, i still haven't even had a chance to stop and process my recent trauma, and these fucking wings wont go away or stop hurting. At least last time they started hurting they were my normal ones. these ones feel different and idk if this is a new kintype or something since I have felt this before but I REALLY don't need this rn especially with everyone around me.

ugh maybe ill leave it up to a coinflip like the last hard decision i made

I don't need a coinflip actually I control my own fate