By ShawnCoss

END

breathe that breath. Breath it for me. hold it in. let it out. the one I always wanted to take, but never could find it. One that would never come again. leaving a void in my chest. the exhaling sigh of relief. The stillness. The numbness. The crushing inner peace that comes with it. Realization. and with it the knowing that its all over. That it happened. And that itll never happen again. the meaning of what it was all worth. The feeling of all the worlds weight baring down on your chest. That moment of inner peace, now to only be remembered. and to be remembered as fleeting. to long for. To make you wish the chaos had never ended and your desire for that breath never realized. The reminder that life is short. For some suffrage is life. to suffer is to be holy. The only way one can feel the true joy of having, and the loss of losing. and in the end. Its all I have and have ever had. The end was written before the beginning. Realized too late. As I live breathing. There will be no salvation. Just a yearning for what was lost, or never was at all.

Someplace unfamiliar

with every step. 

I move further from this earth. 

This being ive become. 

clouds once looming over head,  

now just a haze someplace below. 

That place. 

One I never knew and will never know. 

Could never know. 

With every wish Ive held my breath. 

let down. 

Im running out, t 

urning blue as that very color fades from it. 

Those calming words you spoke to me. 

That calming voice, 

bringing sanity. 

as there once was… 

again nothing will be. 

Prolonging pain. 

Inducing change. 

a short glimpse at clarity. 

The night provides the day. 

fire, the beauty of the flame. 

And the ashes, 

the perfect place, 

a clean slate. 

broken windows of missed opportunity timelessly hung in a frame of regret.

I cant stand seeing the old, young, weak, loved, sad, strong, ill, infected, handicapped, unwanted, un noticed, lonely, crushed, disfigured, the religious, meaningless, free, the willing or unwilling captive. the too thin, too thick, too rich too poor, too pretty, too ugly, the just right, the in between, the conscious, the dormant, the used and the users. goldy locks and all the bears. the pigs their wolf, the lines, loops and circles. and then I look in the mirror. I wonder where the hell do I belong? between the lines, out of the details, behind the scenes. the dark side of the moon. somewhere in limbo. just waiting for a green light. waiting for my time. but somethings wrong. I must not have heard the whistle. Was I ready? I was set. and there it goes. Turned around to find lights out, curtain drawn and doors closed.

slowing down, screeching to a halt.

never moving forward, nothing moves at all.

the body: organic mechanically.

though this will happen.

we cease to be at all.

Hopeless devotion.

you were so good.

never better.

every word.

every letter.

meticulous.

flawless.

right down to... the way you dress.

Everything... in its place.

that soft look... on your face.

those promises... that we made.

you said they meant... everything.

all your hopes... and all your dreams.

never suspected... anything.

you were so warm.

I melt for you.

Ill do anything.

Just ask me to.

life

Sometimes I get this voice in my head saying. "youre destroying yourself." and the only thing I can think is. I know.

enough heart ache for two.

I feel like this life is so fleeting.

and I worry I wont find a meaning.

before it ends.

The time just keeps slipping by.

Im aging... before my eyes.

I sit and talk with those whom I call friends.

but it never ends, they dont know me.

I dont have one.

but Im waiting.

my friend.

for the day you love me again...

I know it wont come but Ill hold my breath.

Ive been practicing. Ive gotten good at it.

its all just a game that they're playing.

I just wait my turn. keep on waiting.

untill it ends. and its over.

no... second player.

waiting till it ends.

and then maybe...

Ill see you again.