So A While Back I Heard Someone Say That We Appropriated Our Ability To Speak From God. And Whether Or

I will remember flowers in glass vases.

And shoeless feet in grassy places.

I will remember caramelized skin. And a smile even sweater.

And movie nights, cuddled on the couches Sitting next to the heaters.

I will remember golden-brown hair. And the the way it felt.

I will remember dark brown eyes, and the way they'd make me melt.

People will envy your strength and success but not the struggle that brought you to it.

So I am gonna define a word here. Philosophy. Which meaning is regularly used as " A particular system of philosophical thought". I'm going to challenge that definition and modify it to this. "A particular system of thinking, feeling, or believing.". Now I'm going to explain why.

A philosophy, I believe, is the internalized intention. It is your thought processes, your reasonings, your logics, your feelings. These are not apparent, visible or measurable by any metric, rubric, or standard. After a certain age they become the basis for most of your meaningful actions, or at least for some of us.

Now your actions are separate from your thoughts and likewise vice versa. I am sure you have had an argument where you have you been "Oooh I could just throttle you right now.". But you don't, or won't. Another example you have probably have told yourself to get out of bed, or goto the gym. But your body for whatever reason didn't. Or at least I have that problem. I can think of one example of where my father in a moment of frustration slammed his fist into a pinball machine that he was repairing, breaking it more. His intention was to fix the problem. His actions complicated it further. (He later fixed the problem he caused, and the original issue as well)

Actions are Separate from Thoughts. They are, however, also something important, they are the externalized expression. These things are physical, they can be seen, felt, or heard. They are measurable. They are at times distinct and at other times subtle.

There is this age old question, "Who are you? Your thoughts? Or your actions?". I say to you, both. These things together, your philosophies AND your actions are who you are. If you made a Venn Diagram of these two things, that space where the two overlap is what I'm going to call "Thee Identity". These two things are symbiotic. They work off each other, they benefit from each other, they evolve and become more complex together. Or they should at least.

The integrity of who you are is based on how much those two things overlap. Think of Integrity like its a boat. If you puncture the side of that boat, you have now compromised it's integrity. It is now sinking. That's an exaggeration for dramatic effect, but if who you are becomes compromised. It's comparable to that.

Now to summarize. Your Identity, who you are, is a beautiful mixture of two contradictions. How you think, and how you act. The immeasurable and the measurable. Integrity is how much those two things overlap. It No matter what you believe, your experiences or your biases, your identity if formed by those two things. It is your DUTY as a living person to think about your actions and to act by thinking.

Do you have any advice for understanding hands better? I’ve been practicing them for years but feel like compared to other aspects of anatomy it’s the one thing I haven’t seen much improvement in. I draw both from life and images and draw nearly everyday but nothing I’m doing seems to help

I personally get by mostly from remembering poses that I’ve already practiced a ton, like I figure out how to draw it once and am able to file that away in my brain and use it again later, and tweak bits of the pose or the level of simplification to suit what I’m drawing. 

I’ve paid special attention to drawing hands for like.... most of my life so I have a LOT of poses I’m easy comfy with now, but when I need to figure out something complicated or new, I can usually work it out by breaking a hand down into shapes, remembering a few key points/”rules” from what I’ve learned about hands in order to help me break it down in a way that makes sense. And if that’s not enough either, then I take photo refs. 

^^^ here is a pose I use a ton. I have a quick way of drawing it from various angles. the first time I had to draw a pose like this, I had to think and figure it out, but in drawing it a bunch of times and having to use various angles like this, I’ve eventually come up with a quick, reliable way to draw it from a few of the most common angles that fits the style I like to draw in. I’m blessed with a good memory for observations, so when I see a beautifully posed hand, I can usually really quickly analyze what I like about that pose and why, and that helps me absorb it so I can recreate my saved impression later. But I know not everyone thinks the same way. it might benefit you to quickly scribble down a study in a sketchbook when you see a pose you find beautiful and want to learn from for later.

^^^ here are some poses I had to stop and spend time figuring out, calling up the “rules” for how hands are built to kind of logic-out how they should look from angles I’m less familiar with. results can be mixed, but... if I end up with something expressive that fits the style of the rest of the drawing, I’m usually really forgiving of fudged anatomy or slightly wonky proportions. as long as the thumb is on the right side and there aren’t too many fingers, that’s a great start lol.

^^^ and here are ones I had to take reference-selfies for. I try to use this as a last resort because 1) it’s a lot of trouble 2) interrupts my drawing and 3) if I’m not careful I stick too close to the reference, and the drawing ends up with the hand looking referenced and the rest of the pose not, which is jarring to me. not to mention I have tiny manlet wrists that without fail, look horrific and emaciated in photos, and the lens distortion makes my fingers look scary too... ugh, photo reference has definite flaws. I actually don’t like the look of drawings for which I can Really Tell the artist drew from photo reference, because most often that means they’re taking the ref too much at face value and incorporating ugly lens distortions into their drawing. so I have to think extra hard not only about interpreting the ref, but also might have to make multiple passes just to get the hand to look normal, AND match the style of the rest of the drawing.

Anyway, here are some of the ““rules””” I mentioned earlier that I fall back on to help me figure out more complicated poses:

1. probably seen this before, but basic proportions. the palm is usually half the total height of the hand. obviously you can mess with this purposefully. 

2. I think of joints as like, ball joints or hinges. I find that easier than trying to remember bones & muscles. here’s a drawing of the wrist as a hinge. note that when you’re thinking of it this way, it’s a shortcut, but a shortcut is only good if you use it with precision. notice the pin for the wrist hinge is not just halfway, it’s closer to the top of the hand. being precise about that is what allows this shortcut to work. the heel of the palm juts out, while the top of the hand transitions into the wrist quite smoothly.

3. simplified planes. planes are important yo. in super simple terms: top is flat, bottom is round. this works on the fingers too, actually. the tops are bony and tendony, and the bottom is where the fat is, so it’s rounder and soft

thinking of the hand as abstract shapes REALLY helps simplify the task of drawing hands, and is just as helpful even if you are drawing from reference. I can say “the palm is a box” and obviously the palm is not really as simple as a box, but if I think of the palm, wrist, and each finger joint as various shapes of box, then all of a sudden, psychologically, my task is SO much easier. I’m not drawing a Hand, which is hard, I’m drawing boxes, which is easy.

4. that prominent knob some people have on their wrist? that’s on the pinky side.

1. the knuckles aren’t really a flat row on top. the hand is like a cup right, so your palm can hold water and things. so we can think of the hand as a box to make figuring out the pose easier, but when it comes down to it, you’ll want to make it more of a curve. this curve is why you can see multiple fingers in a side view

2. when curled up, the fingers nestle together. the fingernails also turn slightly toward the center. even if I’m simplifying the hands significantly, I usually still draw the fingernails because they are SO useful for communicating the pose of the hand effectively.

3. lots of people suggest to think of the hand as a mitten, grouping the pinky/ring/middle fingers and singling out the index finger. this works great, the index finger is more independent from the other three. on the flip side, those three are really stuck together; if you’re drawing the pinky curled up all the way, then you better not draw the ring finger sticking straight up, cause that would HURT. anyway, singling out the index finger leads to more interesting poses in my experience.

1. this is another illustration of top = flat and bottom = curved. this is a really easy way to organize your line quality. straight lines and sharper angles where there is bone, and soft gentle lines where there is muscle and fat. your drawing as a whole will read very clearly if you find some guidelines like that to stick to, as it means all your lines are intentional and thoughtful.

2. this one’s about overlaps. when forms overlap, it makes a crease, and when you draw that crease you’re communicating which form is in front of the other. in the second drawing I reversed all the creases, and it looks.... messed up. think about how pieces connect.

so when you’re trying to make up a pose without using specific reference, I think it’s good to think about the.... flow of energy through the pose. honestly, I know it’s really abstract, but if I have an ability to make interesting poses that communicate weight and movement, the things that make people say your character feels ALIVE, like they really EXIST in a space... it’s because I started to think of poses this way. imagining streams of energy bouncing through the body, flowing down the limbs and out through the fingers. this is why hands are so important to me, cause they’re where the kinetic energy of the pose ultimately ends up. I talk about it when drawing the torso and arms and legs, but an interesting drawing has a bounce back and forth between opposites: for every curve, an opposing straight line, alternating back and forth down the entire body. if you’re sensitive to the energy of the pose, then even very simple poses will be interesting to look at.

anyway, with regards to hands, I imagine the energy getting sort of cinched in as it passes through the wrist, and then emanating out through the fingertips. I hope my drawing at least SORT of communicates this imagery. it makes sense because that’s BASically how the bones in the hand are anyway. and then the right side of the image above is just demonstrating some highly simplified gestures. see how the fingers fan out and curl in, rarely parallel to eachother. when you’re figuring out the pose, using a line to stand in for the row of knuckles is super valuable.

aaand finally, here’s two hands where I intentionally neglected correct anatomy and proportion because I felt it worked better for the style of the whole drawing. Left side: since this is a really simple and cartoonish style, I was thinking back to kids’ and shoujo manga I have read where the style was very solid and distinctive, but definitely NOT overly concerned with correct anatomy, or even really drawing hands, uh, “well” at all. to me, that sort of approach has a Look that I like to invoke sometimes, since for years I felt like I learned a bunch of anatomy and proportion and drawing from life actually in detriment to the liveliness and appealness of my drawings. this hand is mushy and makes very little sense, but it turned out as intended. Right side: sometimes I like to pretend fingers only have 2 bones in them, cause i am a Queen and i do what i want

and there you go. I hope that helped, like, at all? Look at real hands and photos of hands and hands in motion, but also look at drawn hands as well. find what you like, and work towards expressing that yourself. and remember the hand is part of the whole drawing. not only in the art style like I’d been talking about, but because the angle and placement of the hand is reflected in the angles of the arm, which in turn reflects on the angles of the shoulder, which affects the whole torso, etc etc etc. and the techniques you can use to understand and draw the rest of the body, works on hands too. as you improve everything else, your hands will improve as well.

DISCLAIMER: I whipped up these diagrams quickly, they’re not meant to be good drawings or accurate refs, just diagrams to illustrate my thought process lol

I have actually yet to find rest. My Anxiety causes me much pain and distress like a storm that rages with usurping gales. Swirling, Turning, Tossing, displacing what cannot be lost. Costing me negative gain. It makes me fearful and afraid, like trying to clutch sand, only to have the grains slip out of your hands. I cannot find sleep, because all I feel is deracine. Safety is hard to find out there on the rollings seas. My peace is in some far off Rosy fingered dawn. And security and ease of mind are much more memories. It makes me breathe like no matter how much I intake it will not inflate in my lungs. Like my body would much rather pause on this breath, like it means less than to see the rest of the road. All these worries they share the same name. They are called the same as you.

There was this moment yesterday morning around 6:30 am. It was after a rough night. A fair amount of people had called off from work, we were short staffed, and it felt like everything that could be going wrong. Was going wrong. Eventually we got over whatever hurdle we were facing, and we moved onto our next plane assignment. The flight was an international one, so they load the pilots up with food. Sometimes they dont eat all of it, they might give out whatever is left to the workers offloading the plane. There was Cheesecake on this particular flight that they didn't eat. I got dibs on it. It was a frustrating night, and I felt gross and sweaty. I was exhausted. But there was this moment where I was sitting in the bay door, watching the sunrise, eating on some of best chocolate cheesecake I've had in a while, and for some reason my brain went to that quote that Wanda said to Vision. "You are my Sadness, and My Hope. But Mostly You are my Love." We get these moments in our lives where we can get Angry and Upset, or where all we are is Sadness and what Pain we might feel. But there are others where we get those moments in the sun, at least in my experience, these precious moments despite whatever trial and tribulation I am going through, I can whisper in quiet satisfaction to the world or maybe to myself "But, Mostly you are my Love."

There is nothing I want more than to be aged and grayed. With a porch and chair faced towards a sitting sun. A garden where there is always work to be done. A kitchen with full complements and recipes. Adorned with Wooly Blankets and Knitted Sweaters. And sharing my life with a spouse who is in love with and is loved by me.

“I don’t need you to respect me, I respect me.

I don’t need you to love me, I love me.

But I want you to know that you could know me,

If you change your mind.” – Rebecca Sugar’s “Steven Universe” (2019)

This is a simple message. But one of the most powerful ones you could and can ever learn. There are many of us who desperately need(ed) this. The message is this. There is nothing wrong with you and who you are. The person you are is worthy of love, respect, and kindness. Not only externally, like from friends, family, and other peers. But also, Internally, from one’s own heart and from the self. I know there are many people who have internalized dysphoria. And they’re restless, tossing, turning and struggling.

The problem is not inborn. It’s developed over a life time. A life time of expectations, and experiences that have lead them to believe that the person they are is not normal, or natural. (For whatever reason, be it the body, blood, mind or spirit or anything else for that matter) And therefore unworthy of grace, love and kindness. However, this is the thing that is not normal. Despite this it has become the standard. A lie, A fatal flaw that now reigns over lives. A single idea of confirming normality. Do not dehumanize your spirit. You do not have to justify your existence. We are not extensions of a society. Strike that reverse it. Society is an extension of us. And if you have felt in any way; ignored, harmed, slandered, disenfranchised or have been left with any other negative emotion, you are not at fault, you are not to blame. You have not committed a failure. It is the collective idea of “Us” that has failed you.

A Simple Message, A Thesis, A Conversation.

You are worthy of love.

You are like the flowers that bloom and blossom. Even their leaves scatter to the wind.

You are the kind of person you are.

It is unprofitable for the Jew to look at histories heros and philosophers without skipping a little. They are are apt to see to only monsters. I suspect that if you were to examine any of these men carefully you are to find he is a soul in no torment. But a coin with two sides who can cash in on his virtues and his evils at seperate counters.

Prejudice is a symptom that can thrive in the most enlightened of minds, as it can in the darkened thoughts of fools.

And now I am foreigner in this Country, always even if I am an American Citizen.

If you have a larger heart, your capacity to understand is bigger.

We usually scorn people who we do not know, once we know them we like them, maybe even love them. You should be large enough to take in all nationalities.