The Amount Of Times I Decided Religous Trauma Related Breakdowns/nightmares Were "a Sign From God" Is

Abuse has a goal behind it, and a lot of the time, it's about changing the victims behavior. If someone screams at you for not doing X activity, eventually you learn to do X activity. If someone hits you when you defy them, eventually you learn not to defy them. If someone abuses you frequently enough, and you begin to break down to their will... It is possible to reach a point where it may seem like you're not being abused anymore.

They don't yell anymore because you stay quiet and do what you're told. They don't threaten you anymore because you don't voice even the slightest disagreement or need. What used to be screaming fighting arguments have become lectures at your expense. They may even praise you for doing what they want you to. And all those mundane moments - breakfast, the rare kind act - stand out more. Your perception of the relationship skews even more. It's all normal now.

And it's still abuse. It's just reached its end goal - wearing you down so badly that they don't need to overtly abuse you anymore to get what they want. All they need to do is make a joke, or complain to guilt you, or tell you want to do/not to do, etc. etc. The fact that's all it takes now doesn't make what's happening to you less severe - if anything, it means you're in much, much more danger than you could realize.

It's abuse. It's horrific. It's just not obvious anymore... and that's terrifying. You deserve so, so much better. You deserve to truly be safe - not to have your wellbeing held behind fearful compliance. That's not safety. That's not love. That's abuse. It being psychological doesn't make it less dangerous.

Teaching children to always obey adults is grooming them for abuse.

Teaching children to accept unwanted physical contact (spanking, required hugs and kisses from family, required sitting on Santa's lap, etc) is grooming them for abuse.

Teaching children to take "mature" as a compliment and "immature" as an insult is grooming them for abuse.

Ignoring children's struggles, which could cause them to idolize the first adult who listens to them, is grooming them for abuse.

And people who do that on a regular basis believe that teaching children that some people have two dads is grooming. They never actually cared about protecting children from grooming.

I'm learning that being in a high control group has made me a fantastic actor. I had doubts for years and while I felt a lot of guilt, I also just couldn't make myself feel or act how I knew I was excepted to. So I leaned hard into the shy sweet girl archetype. Sure they think I'm at least 5 years younger than I am, but I can do the bare minimum and ignore uncomfortable topics out of "nervousness".

The real me is opinionated, blunt, and consistently makes jokes. My family will tell others this, but they don't often believe them. It goes unquestioned and gives me some freedom. Still, I will be extremely relieved when I can retire the role.

Ask Game for Apostates, Exchristians, Deconverters and Questioners

(Send a number to me/reblogger’s ask for an answer. Be compassionate, these are personal and not everyone will want to answer all of them.)

1. Do you identify as an apostate, exvangelical, ex-(denomination), heretic, or something else?

2. How would you describe your current beliefs?

3. Have you gotten emotional support from friends in deconverting/deconstructing? Would you like more support? Have you found any online?

4. Was any person, book, or something else instrumental in your deconversion?

5. Who have you told about your deconversion/change in beliefs?

6. Favorite piece(s) of media that speaks to your experiences?

7. Do you like angels or demons?

8. What gives you purpose?

9. Whats one thing that makes you glad you left?

10. What do you love about the world?

11. Has deconverting impacted your experience of gender or sexuality?

12. What are some things that make you happy?

13. (tw) Do you relate to the concept of Religious Trauma Syndrome?

does anyone wanna hold hands until we feel a little braver

kids who werent raised christian being like "lol baptising children is whack if they tried to do that to me i would start doing things to make it look like i was possessed" no you would not. you would bask in the pride and approval coming from the adults around you and you would quietly wait your turn because you were told from birth that sinning sends you to hell and baptism is The Promise that youre dedicating your life to jesus that youve had hyped up for years and watched other people be fawned over as they cry happy tears about it and you do NOT want to fuck up your One Big True Promise To Love Jesus Forever So You Don't Get Tortured For Eternity when you are literally 8 years old. im begging yall to remember its a thousand times easier to see the church's bullshit for what it is when you're not actively in the church. eight year old you is not thinking about trying to fight back against an oppressive religious group indoctrinating children because You Are The Children Being Indoctrinated. stop acting like you would've magically known better if it were you.

I want PIMOs here to know that there are "worldly people" kinder than you can imagine. Friends you'll gain that aren't conditional in their support. New experiences you never even considered, but that bring you immense joy. Parts of yourself that you'll find and can now let free.

Your life isn't over for waking up, it's about to begin.

"i'm your parent you can talk to me about anything" *boss health meter appears*

You ever buy a build a bear for comfort and then assign them a queer identity to quietly rebel against your homophobic parents?

On an entirely unrelated note here is my new friend Noel. He is a lesbian and uses he/him pronouns.