What Is This Feeling?

"Do you need anything?" Uh, yeah, I need 5 bags of Cocaine and a wiffle bat painted like a shark

Welcome to the zone of my vibe

There are 2 wolves inside you, one simps for sweet and kindhearted twinks, the other simps for big and dangerous bone crushers

It's only been an hour and I already miss my cat, what has school done to me

Cats have ot so much better

Knock Knock!

It's the milk man.

Here to milk your man.

A joke my boyfriend came up with

Okay, I was doing an accent and I said

"it sounds like a mix of Scottish and Russian"

And he says

"Its a ROTTEN!"

That was the funniest shit at the time

Can't wait for the unsolved mystery channels to get ahold of this

musk is going to die in a Tesla explosion in 6 months after sticking his nose where it doesn't belong and we will never get a conclusive answer on whether it was a CIA car bomb or just a normal Tesla malfunction

Random shit post

Person A: *walks into room*

Person B: *unwrapping a square of cheese*

Cat, sitting next to person B with a square of cheese on it's head and two more on it's back and one on its side: *waiting patiently*

Person A: what the hell are you doing?

Person B: I'm making a sculpture so I'm measuring the dementions of cat in cheese because the ruler is straight and the cat is not straight.

Person C in the background: neither am I!

Person D: *walks into room* what the hell are they doing?

Person A: measuring the dementions of our cat with cheese.

Person D: oh! I was gonna knit the cat a sweater, hey (person A's name) how many slices of cheese are in the sweater region?

Person A: about 12 or 13 I'd say.

Person D: I should probably get a second ball of wool then, thanks!

Person C: you might want to take your art project outside, the kitchen is on fire again.

Person B: what the fuck!? What is with you people?!

Imagine me, I'm small, now imagine me as a much smaller child, I was girl back then so long hair, imagine lil itty-bitty girl me in a cute little nightgown, Rapunzel nightgown cause I loved her, adorable right?

Now imagine I'm covered in blood, imagine I came straight off the set of "Carrie" in that outfit, as that small child. Imagine I look like a murderous doll, got it? Yeah?

You now know what my mother saw one day in my childhood, I had just woke up, and in my sleep I happened to have the worst nosebleed of my life. I didn't even wake up until it was time to get up for school. Just bled like a motherfucker and covered myself, and my bed, in blood. Then cried when we had to get rid of my Rapunzel nightgown cause mom couldn't get all that blood out, but I liked Rapunzel.

You cant respond in only emojis, pick a struggle.

My version of self care is a wendy's baconator

Safety First