Vent I'm Pretty Sure No One Asked Or Cared About
vent I'm pretty sure no one asked or cared about
God, I just hate that talk of "oh, things will eventually get better" so fucking much. I have been to therapy for years, so did I keep on taking medication and tried physical exercise but NOTHING worked. And please, do not view this as a "but it doesn't matter doing those things and not changing your mindset" because, FUCK, i tried. I tried so hard to believe things would be better. That this crippling feeling of loneliness that genuinely make my bones ache would eventually dissipate, if not completely, then at least a little. That the little me as a kid wouldn't need to imagine a world he'd feel truly feel seen and understood because people would be like it in the future. I remember everytime I felt disconnected from others around me, even friends and family, I'd tell myself all would change one day and would lose track of time desperately desiring for simple moments that felt magical in my head, like having a true heartfelt conversation and being truly seen and understood by somebody. Now I understand that it doesn't get to happen, you just keep pushing on until you die and I don't want this existence. I feel like I, ironically, love life and it's possibilities too much to end up like this. I just...i don't know. I was diagnosed as autistic not long ago, and yeah, it surely was one of the big reasons why I felt so disconnected and different from others my age but even with that, it still feels like there's something wrong. Something that no doctor can point at or diagnose. Something rotten and wrong and deeply ingrained in me that makes people leave eventually. That make other people see me as "cool or whatever" to be around for a bit before moving on with their lives and finding actual people. So...yeah. It was depressing
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yeah.
John Turturro on working with Christopher Walken in Severance.
I do think Jayce and Viktor are a neurodivergent x neurodivergent relationship and Viktor definitely gives some media typical autism vibes but as someone with ADHD I don’t think Jayce has ADHD
I think Jayce has anxiety
And obviously this is all just good fun headcanoning but I kinda see that Jayce doesn’t know he has anxiety because he manages it by working in the forge. But it still manifest in his people-pleasing behavior
So sometimes when they’re under deadline and he can’t get away to go make stuff with his hammers to blow off his working dog levels of need for exercise to manage his anxiety Jayce gets very… jittery like “Haha I have no idea why I can’t stop shaking and I feel like the world is gonna end, better go hit things with hammers until that weird feeling goes away again!!1”
Which is why Viktor sometimes just orders Jayce to go do lapse around the Academy until he calms down on a bad day and Jayce is just grateful his partner is looking out for him before he has an actual “unexplained” meltdown
(With thanks to @linddzz for riffing on this with me)
spent the last half hour watching wylan scenepacks and analysing his autistic traits because i myself am autistic and that might be part of the reason he's my fav
He/him. INFP. Basically fanboying over queer shows. Every once in a whiledropping drawings or poems.
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