This Is My Summary Of Midnight Mass

We are being surveilled by an alien species I call 'The Viewers'

Nope (2022) dir. Jordan Peele

Anxiety is living under a flinch, mouth full of holes, a tremble point   it is what if it all goes wrong and it is yes but it didn’t and it is no it did and here are the ways that you failed and didn’t even notice. it’s “you got an A” and feeling nothing, it is “you got a B+” and feeling your insides try and rip themselves out of your body. it is breath in short pants, human turned wild animal, get me out of here. it is brain a blank buzzing, it is sobbing on the train station, it is can you order for me. it is you need sleep because tomorrow’s a big day, it is you can’t sleep because tomorrow is a big day. it is don’t open your mouth. it is you’re an absolute waste of space why don’t you just try and make friends for once. it is you don’t deserve her. it is he’s right, you know. it is having three hours to do something important and instead staring blankly at a wall for two hours and fifty minutes. it is don’t go to the party, it is why didn’t you just go to the party. it is walk faster, it is sweaty palms and checking under the bed and keeping the lights on. it is you deserve this. it is a held breath, a morning hangover, it is go do this and it is too scared of failure to start anything. it is turn the page, it is don’t look, it is you’ll have nightmares about this later. it is answer the question, it is don’t raise your hand, it is teacher’s pet, it is breakdown lane in the middle of any building. it is here’s how to make it look like you haven’t just been hit by a truck. it is just drink, just curl your hands into fists until the fingernails bite in, it is forgetting the art of having lungs. it is can you not do that here. it is forgetting to walk back into your own body. it is removing yourself from anything, everything, it is watching other people who involve themselves and feeling lonely. it is you’re not hungry, it is smile prettier, it is that joke fell flat, it is everyone experiences this stop being a drama queen, it is suck in your stomach, it is control, it is hold on, it is so tight it will strangle the life out of you slowly so you can have the time to worry about all the things you should have done. it is should have. it is could have. it is why didn’t i why didn’t i, it is why did i do that, it is i am excited about this i think but i feel like vomiting, it is future too heavy, it’s what if, what if you don’t care, what if i’m not good enough, what if the building burns down, what if i lose her tomorrow, what if he doesn’t make it back safe, what if i’m the reason nobody loves me, what if i’m going to die alone one day, what if i’m useless, what if nobody cares, what if nobody reads this   it is that all went wrong, didn’t it?

IS // Part 1 of ? in a series about my experiences with mental illness // r.i.d (via inkskinned)

Found some of my older essays in my google docs… you guys are very lucky. This may or may not be the last post until my winter break (depending on if i find more old essays)

love in slam dunk

Slam Dunk is best known for its intense basketball action and character-driven storytelling, but it also features some of the most pure and heartfelt depictions of love in shōnen manga. The relationships between Ryota Miyagi and Ayako, as well as Hanamichi Sakuragi and Haruko Akagi, provide a fresh perspective on romance, one that diverts from over-the-top romance tropes common in the Shonen genre, instead opting for moments of emotional authenticity among the series’s main two couples.

Ryota Miyagi’s feelings for Ayako are sometimes loud or obvious, but they are undeniably genuine. Ryota admires Ayako not just for her beauty but for her maturity, intelligence, and leadership as the team’s manager. One memorable example occurs when Ayako scolds Ryota for his brashness during practice, and instead of becoming defensive or aggressive, he listens attentively and takes her words to heart. He even scolds the others to listen to her words. This shows the respect Ryota holds for her, not as an idealized love interest but as someone who inspires him to be better.

What makes their dynamic so refreshing is Ayako’s independence and confidence. She acknowledges Ryota’s admiration without being dismissive or overly accommodating.

Throughout the series, Ayako’s support for Ryota goes beyond her role as the team manager. During games, she often singles him out with specific advice and encouragement, such as reminding him to stay calm under pressure or praising his quick decisions.

These moments may seem small, but they show Ayako’s awareness of Ryota’s struggles and it is her own way of reciprocating his feelings. Ayako doesn’t openly express romantic affection, but her actions—like cheering him on when he feels overwhelmed—speak volumes about her care for him.

Their dynamic, where love is expressed through small, caring acts rather than overt declarations/gestures, reflects a level of maturity rare in shonen manga. Their relationship thrives on mutual respect and understanding, and it shows that love doesn’t always need to be dramatic to be meaningful.

Hanamichi Sakuragi’s love for Haruko Akagi is one of the driving forces behind his decision to join the basketball team, but it is far from a typical romance. His feelings for Haruko are pure and earnest, fueled by admiration for her kindness and enthusiasm for the sport. What makes their dynamic unique is how Haruko inspires Hanamichi to grow—not by demanding it, but simply by believing in his potential.

Another thing sets their dynamic apart is how Hanamichi’s love is portrayed not as an obsessive or idealized fantasy, but as an innocent longing for connection. This innocence is most evident in Hanamichi’s fantasy of what it would mean to have a girlfriend. Unlike typical shonen protagonists, whose romantic aspirations might revolve around physical attraction or “weird” scenarios, Hanamichi’s dream is simply to walk a girl to and from school. This vision is strikingly pure and reflective of the awkward, genuine feelings of a teenager experiencing love for the first time. It is a big contrast to many shonen, which often sexualize their female characters or present romance in a way that feels transactional

Haruko, for her part, never mocks or diminishes Hanamichi’s feelings. While she is unaware of his crush, she consistently treats him with kindness and encourages his growth. A memorable example is when she praises Hanamichi for staying late to practice his shooting, showing that she values his effort and determination. Though Haruko’s heart belongs to Rukawa, her warmth and encouragement play a massive role in Hanamichi’s journey toward self discovery.

What makes Hanamichi and Haruko’s relationship so compelling is its emotional weight. Hanamichi’s crush is not rewarded with a confession or a dramatic romantic arc, but it serves as a catalyst for his personal growth. By channeling his love for Haruko into his newfound passion for basketball, Hanamichi discovers a sense of purpose and self-worth. Their relationship captures the awkwardness and uncertainty of teenage infatuation while showing how love, even unrequited, can push someone to be their best self.

In many shonen series, romantic subplots are rife with clichés. Female characters are often reduced to idealized figures or comic relief, while male protagonists are rewarded with their love interests after overcoming obstacles that have little to do with the relationship itself. In contrast, Slam Dunk grounds its romances in simple, yet authentic moments. Ryota’s admiration for Ayako and Hanamichi’s earnest crush on Haruko feel more like reflections of real human relationships than formulaic storylines.

For example, Ryota doesn’t win Ayako’s heart by performing some dramatic act; instead, his feelings are expressed through his consistent respect for her and the way he values her advice. Similarly, Hanamichi’s love for Haruko isn’t the reason he succeeds in basketball, but it serves as a gentle nudge toward discovering his own passion and discipline. These relationships are not about conquering or achieving love—they are about learning, growing, and connecting on a deeper level.

Cause of every theater kids death:

Trying to sing all of the parts in any of the songs where the lyrics overlap

Me: there's no more fanfics to read. what am I supposed to do now?

Responsibilities: hey

Me:

Me: *rereads old fanfics*

Listen, just because I can’t hit that note doesn’t mean I won’t try

I have realized that the perfect form of media must have a delicate balance between absolutely heart wrenching pure emotional devastation and the most ridiculous nonsense you have ever seen in your whole life

Who needs alcohol when you’ve got fanfiction?