An Address

You love blood too much

But not like I do

Not like I do

Blessed be the children,

Each and every one come to know their god through some senseless act of violence

the dynamic between the judge and the kid is very reminiscent of an abusive parent and their child to me, especially when its viewed from the lens of punishment. besides the judge's insistence that he wouldve been like a father to the kid, it can also be interpreted that the judge perceives the kid's rejection of his philosophy and his place in it as a sign of disobedience, and so to "correct" this perceived disobedience the judge chooses to punish the kid harshly, which comes in the form of whatever violent act occurs in the outhouse. the violence committed towards the kid there is the accumulation of the judge's frustration towards his insubordinance in rejecting his place within his ideology, and it functions as the correction of the judge's worldview in eliminating the very element that refutes it. this punishment feels foreshadowed by the jail scene, which introduces the element of accountability in the judge blaming the kid for the yuma massacre and then berating him for his adherence to his morality and his rejection of the judge that comes with it. i think its of note how he focuses on the kid's supposed transgression and places accountability on him for their conflict ("our animosities were formed and waiting before ever we two met. yet even so you could have changed it all") and the frustration that results from it on the judge's end evolves into the fate that awaits the kid in the outhouse, the punishment. it reads as a shafting of accountability from the judge to the kid that goes on to justify what was done to him, a la "you made me do this", similar to how some abusive parents will use some transgression, real or not, to justify the abuse of their child

theres way more to it in my mind and my thoughts be kinda scattered but this is the basic jist of it😇

#164

“When the lambs is lost in the mountain, he said. They is cry. Sometime come the mother. Sometime the wolf.”

Blood Meridian (1985) — Cormac McCarthy

i plan on rereading blood meridian cause i haven't stopped thinking about how both the judge and dutch tried getting the kid and john to view the world through their lens, and how both the kid and john denied them their vision. like there's something about monsters seeking companionship and thinking they've found it, they've found the perfect protégé, someone who has the capacity to view their vision of the world, etcetera etcetera. a companion of the dark gift. someone who shares the same dark pleasure.

the way dutch says, "you never had the stomach for this." / "you never could see what i see, john. you were too scared." something about how he says, "come closer i've got surprise for you." something about how he says, "you always were a bad liar, john."

and how the judge tells the kid, "come here if you're not afraid" and "you came forward to take part in a work. but you were a witness against yourself. you sat in judgement of your own deeds. you put your own allowances before the judgement of history and you broke with the body of which you were pledged a part and poisoned it in all its enterprises. hear me, man. i spoke in the desert for you and only you and you turned a deaf ear to me." something about how the kid says, "lies, lies by god lies." and the judge says, "think again."

the parallels.. o(<

rraaaaahhh!!

I'm a short dark haired guy with anger issues. Where is my uncanny 7ft tall polymath polyglot who ties me to a bed and talks softly to me when I'm on a violent drunken bender. this book is giving me unrealistic expectations

#180

I regularly have dreams about the judge monologuing at me in a blank white room. I can't move. I always wake up cold and sweaty and with the sense that something horrible was done to me

#189

Some sketches/drawings I made at school (first one is the most recent, did it today because I was falling asleep during the lesson)

grow the eff up haters, thirsty I am and thirsty I shall be. tf does it mean to you if I want backshots by the judge or glanton or whoever they don't even exist

#153

judge holden needs to cut me open and put his dih in the wound fr

#169