Steve: Y/n What's That On Your Neck?

Nat:Y/n, peter. What is the the meaning of this ridiculous high pitch scream? I see no blood.

Karen: your stupid reckless little ones just hit my angel hunter in the face with a snowball

Hunter: *wines*

Nat: and your name is?

Karen: Karen

Nat: ah Y/n peter you have exactly one opportunity to tell me what happened to hunter

Y/n: simple peter and i had constructed bunckers on either side of field

Peter: and we blow air horn as to warn other children this was now hotspot and epic snowbattle was about to commence

Y/n: in heat of snow ball battle with peter and i hunter snuck passed our barriers and simply og hit by crossfire

Nat: simple explanation your child is incompetent

Karen: you little monsters. So your just rising future criminals

Nat: i think only crime here is naming your son hunter. Should be pylon or sitting duck

Karen: you know what

Nat: waht you going to do karen teres no managers out her

Steve: what do you want to eat?

WinterSoldier: the souls of the innocent

Bucky: a bagel

WinterSoldier: NO!

Bucky: two bagels

Meanwhile in the a parallel universe:

Shield: How did you defeat Captain America?

Hydra: We shot him in the legs because his shield is the size of a dinner plate and he's an idiot.

Y/n: so if you were in this age group you are most likely to experience a serious violent crime: 10-12, 13-16, 18-21, 15-18

Loki: 10-12

Y/n: no its 18-21

Loki: clearly this is not based off my life

Y/n: yeah im not going to open that can of worms

Bonus :

Y/n: you next.

Nat: alright shoot

Y/n: men in this state statistically buy small sized protection: Pennsylvania, Kentucky,

Nat: Missisipi

Y/n: i didnt even-

Y/n: thats right

Nat: i knew it

Loki: now that is a can of worms i would like to open

Ok but can we look at how support the mum is and how happy he is to find out he's a dad???

why is the metal community so pressed abt this it’s literally hilarious. 10/10. love it. i want it.

Hydra: hello mr. Barnes we're going to take your arm off.

Bucky: i think i just need help.

Hydra: give you cool robot arm

Bucky: I have tried to kill you multiple times and every single day i think about killing you. It's the only thing that brings me joy.

Sam: You want to fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid.

Vision: Hello

Darcy: You're okay! How are you even here?!

Vision: What do you mean?

Darcy: I mean you die-

Wanda: - NOPE!

Wanda: Never happened!

Darcy: But...-

Wanda: NOPE!

Wanda: Eventhing is fine. Vision is fine! Nothing bad ever happened! EVER!

No not even a single soul:

Zemo:

Peter: Tony

Tony: Yes Spidy

Peter: What's an alcoholic

Tony: Well you see those two birds up there, an alcholic would see four.

Peter: Tony there's only one bird up there.

Tony: Fuck!