A Little Advice From Someone Studying Extremist Groups: If You’re In A Social Media Environment Where

Its me i am crying

I love the KNH/TAD community bc in one hand, you have anime onlys watching season 2's second ending song saying "oh wow I love Maomao having friends" and then you have LN readers crying and screaming bc of Maomao's friends.

WOAAHHH SK8 OVA CONFIRMED!!!!

MARK UR CALENDARS FOR MARCH 19TH 2025

This.

Handling an addiction. Part 1.

Cause oh we need to have this conversation

Disclaimer: I am not a professional, and I won’t pretend to be. This is based on my personal experience as someone who is/was in several relationships with people who struggle from different forms of addiction. I want to clarify that I do understand all characters and while I’m going to critique them I do not blame them. The very important thing to remember is that it's a very complicated topic and there is no clear right answer to it. Let's keep in mind that any conversation about any difficult topic is always mostly one-sided and it's impossible to talk about everything once. This is about addiction and only about it, but all characters are way more then that one topic. Are we good now? Let's go.

So, let’s talk about Ray’s addiction and how people in his life are failing to handle it. 

The most important thing to remember is: addiction is a disease. By definition of most medical associations all over the world. Addiction is not a personal choice. And while it doesn’t excuse Ray’s behaviour throughout the show, it explains it. And this is a big difference. Ray as a character is much more than just his addiction, absolutely. But his addiction is a huge part of who he is and how he behaves and we need to constantly remember about it.

This conversation begins every week after every episode. Most people who seem to understand the complexity of his situation are also people who have a lot of sympathy and understanding towards him, and this is great. There are also a lot of people who feel towards him mostly annoyance and desire for him to stop without understanding why he can't - and this list starts from characters in the show. It’s, again, understandable. It’s also the worst thing you can do towards someone who struggles from addiction. 

So let’s start from Ray’s friend group and we’ll go from the least harmful to most harmful characters’ behaviour.

Boston. Yeah, shockingly, I know. But the fact is - Boston actually has the best-ish (from the worst so it’s not a high ground here) approach towards Ray’s addiction. And why? Well, cause he doesn’t give a fuck and doesn’t pretend to do. Boston is way far from the good support system Ray actually needs but at least he never judges Ray for his habits. He won’t help him, sure, but he won’t damage him harder (well, he is, but on a different topic).

We don’t actually know a lot about this friend group dynamic outside of their current drama and one episode happened two years ago. But we kind of can assume (cause Mew said it twice - in episodes 1 and 6) that Boston at least on some level was periodically responsible for taking Ray home. Which is really weird for me, by the way, cause both times Mew said Boston will take care of him Boston was also drinking. Not on Ray’s level, but still not in a shape to drive. But whatever. 

Don’t get me wrong, Boston is a shitty friend. He’s the one called Ray a burden in episode 1 which led to Ray rushing out.

And he intentionally targets Ray more than once towards the show about Mew, which is absolutely harmful and not helpful (can we talk about the weird obsession Boston has about Ray and Mew having sex? Like dude relax, nobody cares. Well, Top does).

He is absolutely not someone you want to have in your support system while trying to heal (not if Ray’s trying but we’ll get to that in part 2). But at least he is honest about not wanting to handle an addict. And the truth is: no one in this friends group wants to. And it’s fine, actually, more on that in a minute. But oh the level of hypocrisy the other two have.

Cheum. So, I truly don’t understand what the show is trying to tell us with this one. It’s either a clear critique on the hypocrisy people tend to have towards addicts or an attempt to show how addiction ruins not only people with it but also their surroundings. And if it’s the second one then I have a problem with how it’s shown.

There is a gold rule of cinema: show, don’t tell. We are told more than once that Cheum and Mew were actively trying to stop Ray. But what we’re actually shown is way different. The thing is, they are college kids. They drink a lot. They party a lot. And if we see this group all together they are either in university or drinking (except for the iconic pool scene). And specifically Cheum seems to get drunk pretty often. So while we’re told they tried to help Ray we’re shown only how they actually (unintentionally!!) support his behaviour or ignore it. And what should I think?

I think that they missed the point when Ray’s habits became an actual addiction. And I understand why - it’s a very easy thing to miss. I think that before his suicide attempt they did’t notice his mental struggles. I think after that they were shocked and scared and they didn’t know how to handle it so they chose to ignore it. This is a very common reaction and it’s understandable. 

The very important moment to remember is they don’t owe Ray anything. They can choose to help him and support him or not to deal with it. Handling an addiction is so hard and frustrating and exhausting for every participant. And if they choose to not get themselves into it - it’s normal. It doesn’t make them bad people, as choosing to help doesn't make somebody a better person. It’s a choice and every choice matters.

But if you make this choice - be true to it. Don’t play the “I tried to help you but you don’t want it so it’s on you” card. People with addiction didn’t choose to be that way. But people in their lives? They have an actual choice. No one will judge you if it’s not for you (at least normal people won’t). It’s honestly way better than staying only to constantly remind an addict how bad he is - he knows it already.

The thing I have to say to Cheum is - go away. It’s harsh, but it needs to be said. Don’t lie to yourself or Ray. Tell him (in very careful way) that you are tired, that you can’t handle it, that he needs help you can’t provide. Or stay, but do your research and prepare yourself to long hard work. But don’t continue to constantly drink with him to then be surprised why he can’t get better. Cheum is absolutely not responsible for Ray's actions. But she is responsible for hers. 

The one time I was almost agree with her was that scene.

Because bringing drugs was a very fucked up thing to do - Ray puts at risk not only himself but the whole group and he deserves to be called out on that. But. She continues to put all the blame on Ray - the thing she does the whole episode and it’s just frustrating as hell -  forgetting about Mew. Mew, who actually has a lot of responsibility in that situation.

Mew. Well, he does the worst thing you can imagine to do with a person like Ray. I get it, he’s hurt, I totally understand why he does what he does. I don't think he intends to hurt Ray. But.

Mew forgets a critically important thing here - can you guess which one? - right, that Ray is an addict. Mew can do all this stuff and be fine afterwards. It is always a risk that he won’t, of course, but his superiority complex tells him he’ll be fine. And I also think so - I mean, he's a young adult, he can try partying and drinking and drugs and be totally okay after.

He can turn back. Ray can’t.

Mew did help Ray in his worst moment that one time two years ago, and it is worth remembering. And after that Mew tried his best to distance himself from Ray’s struggles - again, understandable. He was trying to talk with Ray and while it was really bad - I still give him the benefit of a doubt. He is young, he’s not a specialist, he didn’t do any research and he thinks it might work.

But a moment he decides to let loose he turns to Ray for help. Because Ray will never judge him - both cause his idolisation and cause it’s not his place to judge, he does all this stuff himself. And this is absolutely terrible. I’m sorry, but it is. Mew, the same as everyone else, doesn’t owe Ray his help or time or support. But while it is not necessary for him to help Ray, it is a necessity to not actively - and this time intentionally - support him in this.

For Mew everything happening is episode 8 is a journey, a new experience. For Ray it's a fucking relapse.

He knows Ray is an addict. He just doesn’t care at the moment. But it can be so, so dangerous for Ray. Mew started this spiraling down journey, but it’s Ray who will end up at the bottom.

And for everyone who says Ray is also an active participant - he is. But he is not. He has a disease. And he gets in a situation where a person he idolises, his favourite human being, finally doesn’t judge him. Instead, Mew supports him. Mew wants to be like him. Can you imagine even a possibility where Ray in this situation says no? It’s impossible, not in the state he’s in right now.

And this is why I critisize this friend group. This is why they deserve to be criticized. Because this is a depiction of how these things work in reality too. You don't have to help him. But the least thing you can do - if you deside to stay in his life - is to have a compassion towards him and don't get him worse.

In part two I will talk about Ray’s current state and of course about the one person who kind of does the better job here - and why Sand is able to do it.

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have you guys done that “what kind of reader are you” quiz and if so what did you get

Its not just firstkhao who needs a romcom, these two need one too.

Only Friends (2023) | Ep.11

But you might be my exception. What are you saying? You don't have to act so sweet. Because I helped you with Atom, you’re returning the favor by becoming my boyfriend? No, you jackass. But it made me realize who really cares about me. No matter how nasty or shitty I am, he always stands right by my side. You are a romantic. You're delusional and get into something too easily. I bet you thought we were boyfriends ever since we first hooked up. No way, you asshole. I'm not that delusional. But you're the one who got my hopes up. I am the way I am. Do you want to be my boyfriend though?

She forgot she had children

All I am seeing is Boston in my dash and of course I am going to contribute. Character readings can be different for each viewer so this is just my reading of Boston.

Boston's journey ended the exact way he wanted it to. He was going to move to the states and leave his life Thailand behind. It's why he was sleeping around without forming deeper romantic attachments. Why would be tie himself to one person when he was going to leave anyway.

And that is the point of conflict in his relationships. People formed emotional attachments to him but he couldn't care less about them. And yes he was honest about his actions. But him being honest is not going to control the other people's feelings. Or suddenly make them immune to not having feelings about him. And he's not responsible for Nick developing feelings or atom getting or drake getting obsessed. But that's what happens when physical satisfaction is tied to their emotional states in the characters that we have seen.

Boston just doesn't equate sex with feelings and it's not bad. But what he doesn't realise is that what's true or makes sense for him won't necessarily be understood by the people around him.

Boston can't empathise. He sees what he did was wrong ( sleeping with top ) but he doesn't understand why everyone made a big deal out of it. To him it was just sex , just physical not something deeper like emotions or love or feelings.

Nick is important in Boston's development because he bought a counterpoint into his way of doing things. They had a connection, I don't call it love , maybe an obsession, heck every relationship in this show is more obsession then love.

Nick was emotionally attached to Boston. An attraction that Boston encouraged by being very affectionate and sweet. Boston liked the physical part of it, and he really liked having someone to have regular sex with. He thought that was all there is to it. He thought that he has found an equal, someone who seems to like him, worship him even and can match his energy in bed.

But Nick caught him off guard. He's felt betrayed , he missed him. He experienced emotions he never felt with anyone else. Something that was purely physical for him ended In him having an emotional attachment, maybe for the first time.

So he jumped right in , giving declarations that can easily be taken as indicated of an exclusive monogamous relationship , " you're the exception ", " from now on I would only take photos of you ".

But that's not what he intended with that. He likes nick, he not only has a physical attachment to him he also has an emotional attachment to him. In his mind both are seperate not tied together. Which is why he went after Boeing.

But Nick wanted exclusivity and rightfully put a stop to their relationship. Nick knows that they want different things from the relationship but Boston was not equipped to deal with it.

Now Boston is surprised. Because he thought he got it figured out , he promised his emotional loyalty to him , isn't that enough ? But it's not. And Boston is realising that his views about sex and relationships are fundamentally different from everyone else's.

People want exclusivity with the emotional and physical side of a relationship, that's one of the truth's that he realised. It doesn't' make his views wrong,its just different. But after his relationship with nick Boston has got a valuable lesson on how people have their own perspectives , and just because what you are doing is right in your eyes, doesn't mean it's the right thing in someone else's book . ( there's was a whole lot of meta about who decides what's right or wrong in this series )

And because of that it's a good thing that he is leaving. Because now he can find someone with views that aligns with him. And he would know how to communicate that and he could choose for himself friends that understand his views.

It's a good opportunity for him. So for me his story ended in a positive note.

#i was not prepared for these many emotions

#i did not know I could feel these many emotions

#wen ning I love u but please leave the love birds alone

I was wholly unprepared for the experience of watching the untamed in 2023. I’ve seen the gifs! I’ve read some character analysis! I vaguely knew the plot but I did not expect a.) the show to be a lot more tragic and nuanced and funny than what I thought possible and I cannot stress this enough b.) for Wen Ning to also be there on that damn boat