More Artists Should Really Draw Their Favorite Ships In The Disco Elysium Jackets. It's Character Analysis

"He is the hero he had been waiting for centuries"

Thanks I'm sobbing now

One thing I absolutely love about Astarion’s redemption arc is the complexity of his relationship with the figure of the hero.

Astarion is a vampire, a monster, and also a victim (as well as, in a way, a perpetrator, due to his forced obedience to Cazador). He is the first person in desperate need of a hero to save him and the last person suited for the role of a hero.

He prayed to every god for salvation, even for death, and even that was denied to him. He resents heroes and the powerful, and when confronted with the idea that both have a duty to protect the weak, he scornfully responds that no, they’ve done a terrible job—that in 200 years, no one saved him from torture, and that it was the mind flayers, other monsters, who finally freed him. And that, in reality, the powerful only use their strength to bend others to their will and serve their own selfish interests. It’s in this same conversation that Astarion declares his desire to be better than Cazador—stronger, more powerful—though the player likely meant kinder, more noble.

Yet, despite everything he says, despite his disapproval of every heroic action taken in Act 1, Astarion is irreversibly drawn to the figure of the hero. First and foremost, he seeks their protection, though still through the warped lens of his past under Cazador’s cruel talons. Secondly, he is extremely sensitive to kindness, understanding, acceptance—to being treated like a person, just as a true hero would treat him.

And then, this is something I particularly noticed while playing as Karlach—Astarion is fascinated by Wyll, who is, in many ways, the quintessential hero of the party. He even admits that if he had to choose one of them to feed on, it would be Wyll, because he is sweet and righteous, just. Which is a contradiction, because the very traits that draw Astarion to him are the same ones that make him want to drain him dry. Love and hate, all in one.

With this in mind, even the conversation after meeting Aurelia and Leon takes on a deeper meaning. The player sees something in Astarion, but he still refuses to recognize it, to admit it, and rightfully says he can’t be what we see in him—a good person, a righteous, understanding, even heroic figure. And yet, the player sees through him…

And it’s breathtaking when, during the ritual, just before stabbing Cazador, Astarion says those very same words: "You're right. I can be better than him." But this time, he doesn’t mean stronger or more powerful. No, this time, he means it exactly as it was first presented to him and so bitterly rejected. And he means it with all his heart.

And in doing so, in freeing all his siblings and all the poor souls imprisoned there, Astarion commits a truly heroic act. He does for others what he once desperately hoped for himself, what he prayed for—becoming the hero he needed. Because at the same time, he is freeing himself—from his chains, from his narrow worldview that saw everything in terms of power and dominance. For the first time, he is free to live outside of the path that someone else forced upon him.

And that’s exactly why, in my opinion, the next morning, it’s right to tell him that yes, we were the heroes who stood by his side, but we only gave him a push. Because, in the end, he saved himself.

He is the hero he had been waiting for centuries!

And that thought makes my heart race! ❤️

Daily reminder to myself that:

I don't need to write for anyone but myself.

My personal writing has no deadlines. I'm not falling behind anyone, because I'm not in competition.

There is nothing to prove.

Originality is not the end-all be-all. If someone else has explored the same idea as you before, that doesn't make my version any less valuable or meaningful.

I can write what I want.

There is no reason to hold back anything on the page. No reason for shame or hiding or preemptive self-judgement. I have no audience unless I choose to let them in.

The "quality" of my work does not determine my value as an artist or a person.

I don't need to write like anyone else

Not everyone will understand and that's okay.

IT DOESN"T NEED TO BE PERFECT

Or even "complete"

In fact, let go of the idea of perfection entirely.

Writing should be for joy, growth, and expression.

Little Astarion the bat! (*˘︶˘*).｡*♡

E is for Equal

And I get to share it with you, as a partner. An equal.

Here's another ramble about a single spawn Astarion line that hits so close home for me. 

When I first heard Astarion say it, I was puzzled. What, he didn't previously consider my Tav an equal? Why?

And then it clicked. 

He's talking about himself, right? He used to think he's worthless. A slave. A weakling. A body to please others. And now he's finally relishing the fact that he's so much more; he finally believes he can be someone's equal; and not just someone's, but the person's he values the most.

Hence the happy, almost dreamy expression on his face, hence the little pause before he actually says the word. Because it is like a dream come true, and because the word is worth savouring for a moment longer.

I think there are two reasons why my brain needed that extra second to process what Astarion said. The first is because I have a complicated relationship with hierarchies in general. I struggle with them a lot, and often get into trouble because of that. I view them as artificial social constructs that make no sense to me, unless the person telling me what to do is actually knowledgeable in their field and listens to arguments presented by others. I need rationales, not just a “do it, because I'm telling you to”. (That's one of the “perks” of being autistic, I guess. Happy April!)

The second (might be connected to the first) is that it has never, not even for a brief while, occurred to me to view Astarion as inferior. From the first meeting, when he put that darn knife against my Tav’s throat, to whatever happened afterwards – in my head, he was an equally important character, regardless if I liked what he was up to at any given moment. I knew he struggled with his sense of self-worth (and that's another thing I understand all too well), but not even once did I consider he might not be my Tav’s equal.

It warms my heart to watch him realise that and revel in the knowledge. I wish all relationships I form – personal and professional – would be that: equals who try to understand and accommodate each other. Which brings to mind another very important quote, from Harper Lee’s “To Kill a Mockingbird”:

I think there's just one kind of folks. Folks.

I'm pretty sure that if I heard Alkaline sung in a cave it would heal me

Delicious in Baldur’s Gate

Nyachooh

fanfic writing culture isn’t “oh dang! I wanted to write about this prompt with this character but someone else already wrote it, so now I can’t”.

fanfic writing culture is always “two cakes is better than one. the more the merrier. there can ever be enough fics of this character with this prompt!”

AFTG feels wholesome to me because of this

Listen this series isn't perfect but one thing that stood out to me form early on that I just was SO HAPPY ABOUT is that (some of) the characters actually, genuinely, unquestioningly respect each other's boundaries. Like from day one, Wymak makes sure that Neil knows he has space to change in privacy, without making a big deal about it. Betsy doesn't force any of her patients to talk about anything. The foxes don't interrogate Neil’s weirdo habits or his desire for privacy, even when they’re suspicious. When Andrew says he doesn't want to be touched, people actually don't touch him (although that may be in part from their desire to not be stabbed). It genuinely made me kind of emotional when the Foxes went to the away game and made sure that Neil would have a private place to change, without him even having to ask. Not only do they respect his boundaries, but they remember them. Maybe I'm just used to characters in fiction getting disrespected, or having it portrayed as “healthy” for other characters to push their boundaries and force them into things they’re not ready for and its framed as a good thing. The way comradery is written in this series is incredible. I may have genuinely never seen a better example of mutual understanding in action.

(we're just going to ignore the drugging, threats, room-searching, unwarranted sexual comments by Nicky, and such. These people are messed up but my point still stands)

companies make billions from you thinking you're ugly btw. only ugly thing is their bottom line. log out of tiktok right now.