I've already spent too much time messing around in photo mode. I'm not very good at it but here are some of my favorite shots of Astarion and my Tav (River) getting to just relax and have a wholesome time for once. It's making me want to write about them.
He's getting the chance to explore his hobbies and passions đ„ș
For me, the Spawn ending means trying again to live a normal life, after a long Depression, while the Ascension is a complete breakâa total "I don't care about anything anymore." Like a golden shot.
That's why the Ascension feels like a form of salvation, like an absolute surrender of oneself. Kind of: I do what I want, I don't worry about anything anymore. In contrast, the Spawn ending means experiencing things like friendship again. love, but therefore responsibility.
A total end vs a new beginning.
Both is tempting tbh
_Its time to try living again
_I feel alive
Rolan is one of those characters who is so insufferable it loops back around to being endearing. I love him.
I have a bad habit of mentally overstimulating myself with emotional experiences through fiction so I am trying to chill out a bit in the aftermath of my first bg3 playthrough. It was suggested I try the Baldur's Village mod, and I finally figured out how to make it work!!! I haven't played sdv in a while, so it's nice to start a new save anyway. this mod is making me smile so much already â I love it. So far we've got:
I hate to break it to you, Lewis, but none of them are law-abiding and only Wyll and Gale pay taxes.
Fine art.
The best boy in the realms!!!
Rolan with his 57 precepts
My portraits are bugged lol (or this group is just full of weirdos)
I FOUND HIM the man finally left his room.
This is my reading posture, too.
He just took like thirty sips in a row. Is he okay?
Astarion, were... were you eating a bowl of blood like it's tomato soup?
Astarion wants an eel? I will get him an eel. I caught it through sheer force of will.
The eel appeased him.
This mod makes me very happy. I'm trying not to do the very thing I was avoiding in downloading this mod by speedrunning it obsessively. Calm down. Plant a cauliflower. Process your first bg3 playthrough in peace and stop feeling like you need to do everything at once.
Often I wish I could do drawing or animation as fanart. All I can do is write and make silly little guys out of felt. Behold, the silly little guys!
It will never not be funny to me that Withers, who barely goes out of his way to say anything the entire game, takes time out of his day to say "I know you think this is a dating sim, but please, we do in fact have to save the world"
All the music that plays during character creation just unlocks a part of my soul I can't describe. It's beautiful and I'd like to live in that feeling, please.
These are the betrayals that arenât loud. They donât come with fireworks or screaming matches. These are the small, slow deaths. The ones that your character lets happen... while smiling politely.
» They say yes when they desperately want to say no. Every. Damn. Time. They show up when they're exhausted. They agree to things they hate. They make themselves smaller, softer, easier, because "good people" donât make waves, right? (Spoiler: they're drowning.)
» They keep chasing people who only love them halfway. It's not even subtle anymore. They know these people leave them on "read," show up late, make them feel like an afterthought. But they cling anyway, spinning every scrap of affection into a story about hope. (Itâs not hope. Itâs hunger.)
» They refuse to believe good things are meant for them. Theyâll hype everyone else up. Theyâll believe in everyone else's dreams. But when something finally good lands in their lap? Theyâll panic. Push it away. Tell themselves it was a fluke. (Because being disappointed feels safer than being lucky.)
» Theyâre waiting for closure that will never come. An apology. An explanation. A miracle where someone says, "You were right, and I was wrong, and Iâm so sorry." They wait years. Decades. Lifetimes. But deep down, they know: some people never come back. Some stories just end without punctuation.
» Theyâre hoarding all their "almosts" like treasures. The job they almost got. The love that almost worked. The version of themselves they almost became. They replay those maybes like a greatest hits album. (Meanwhile, real life is slipping by while they mourn possibilities.)
» Theyâre performing a version of success they secretly hate. Look at the Instagram. Look at the LinkedIn updates. Look at the shiny exterior. It looks like winning. But every trophy they collect feels heavier, not lighter. Every promotion tastes a little more like ash. (Turns out, chasing someone else's dream is still losing.)
» They forgive people who arenât sorry. Not because theyâre enlightened. Not because theyâve healed. But because itâs easier to pretend it didnât hurt than to sit with the fact that it didâand that the person responsible doesn't care. (Some wounds scar better when you stop pretending they were accidents.)
» They punish themselves for still being soft. The world told them, again and again, that soft things get broken. And they believed it. So every time they feel too much? Every time they cry or hope or trust? They tell themselves theyâre weak. Stupid. Embarrassing. (They're not. They're just still alive.)
» They downplay their own magic. They call their talents "lucky breaks." Their beauty "average." Their intelligence "no big deal." They shrug off compliments like they're dangerous. Because deep down, they've been taught that being remarkable makes you a target.
» They cling to the idea that if they just work harder, they'll finally be enough. They believe in meritocracy like itâs a religion. That if they hustle hard enough, self-sacrifice deep enough, burn themselves to ash perfectly enough, someone, somewhere, will finally say, "You're worthy now." (They were always worthy. The system is just broken.)
TLDR: player shouldn't have to sleep with him in act one to initiate the romance.
(also please correct me if I'm wrong about this being the way the romance triggers. All the information I found said that the act 1 intimacy scene is necessary)
First of all, this just locks you out of romancing him unless youâre a very particular kind of person. On my playthrough, my character is not at all the type to sleep with him casually, but I went through with it because I very badly wanted to see his romance storyline.Â
So letâs examine what leads up to the scene. Astarion, upon meeting the player, recognizes power in them and thus someone who can help protect him. He comes up with his ânice, simple planâ to seduce the player in order to get them to trust and care for him. This makes complete sense for his character, as he sees his main and perhaps only source of value being what he can offer physically. Itâs what he knows how to do, and so in this crisis situation, of course itâs what he defaults to. The fact that he propositions the player is not what I have a problem with. Itâs the fact that they have to say yes in order to further the romance, or else theyâre locked out of it.Â
On a practical level, I can understand what the thought process behind this might have been. Having a character proposition the player, being turned down, and then coming onto them again in the future might make them come off as a pest, which can make a character majorly unlikable. However I would argue this can be worked around because it is made very clear that the first encounter with him is meant to be a purely casual intimacy. Having a confession scene later where he proposes something more sincere would feel completely different, offering something new rather than not taking no for an answer.Â
But the game forces you to accept his offer if you want to further the romance. This leaves the player in an uncomfortable position no matter what. There are two intimacy scenes possible in act one, the first being his high approval scene that can trigger whenever, where he makes the offer and the player can choose. Skipping this one does not lock you out of the romance IF you do sleep with him at the Teifling party afterward (if Iâm not mistaken). The Tiefling party version of the scene is much much better if you care about him as a person, in my opinion, because he keeps the fact that he sees it as a transaction to himself. In the high approval scene, he outright says, albeit flirtatiously, that this is a reward for letting him drink your blood. Him presenting the encounter that way feels very icky if you say yes. So while itâs very in-character and a very honest and raw portrayal of how his trauma has affected him, it leaves the player in a bad position.Â
Now, this plot point is crucial to his overall story, yes. He needs to initiate this kind of pandering to the player character, trying to seduce them and get their trust and loyalty. My argument is that this can be done *without* the sex scene. If I were to rewrite this scene, I would have it that he invites the character to the woods after the party in a more ambiguous way unless you yourself bring up the topic of sex. Then, when youâre both there having your private conversation, you can choose to decline his advances. He could become puzzled and maybe a little annoyed and say something like âwhy did you come here, then?â. The player could then have the option to respond with âI wanted to get to know you betterâ or something. This could be a really sweet and heartbreaking moment to look back on after you learn more about him. Give him a genuine moment of confusion in this scene, because it challenges what he thought about himself and other people; someone doesn't want him just for his body, and they also want to get to know him as a person. This would probably be a confusing and difficult feeling for him. Heâd mask it quickly, of course, but still. Then, there could be a nice moment between them where they just have a cute conversation about anything. Maybe they could even just make this scene into a slightly different version of his scars scene the morning after. He showed up shirtless after all, so the player could go on to ask him about that and it could be a wholesome bonding moment. This would allow the player to show interest in him without it being explicitly sexual, but also not locking you out of the romance route with him. Also itâs asexual friendly. On a narrative and emotional level, this serves basically the exact same purpose as the sex scene(s), with the exception of the regret and moral greyness, which I think the player should be able to avoid anyway if they choose. Especially upon replays, this forces the player to engage in something they know is not an enjoyable experience for him, in order to trigger his romance storyline, which I think is kind of wrong.Â
Interesting point here, though: If youâre playing as origin Karlach, then you can't sleep with him at first without, you know, burning him to a crisp. The romance plays out the same otherwise, PROVING MY POINT that itâs not necessary. In this version of events, they just âtalk and fall asleepâ. This would be exactly what I wanted. I just really wish this were an option in any other case.
I'm too demisexual for this.
[From the game's datamined dialogues]
Astarion says those lines when he helps your fallen character in battle (romanced and/or friend depending on the lines).
He may be half-joking here, or maybe not at all, but in any case, I find it interesting that he already calls himself a hero and saviour (even ironically) when he helps you. And it made me think a lot. (And maybe I'm overthinking all this but eh... the brain-rot is real).
Because, beyond the possible irony of those "hero/saviourâ labels, it says something about the image he has of himself while your adventures unfolds.
During the Tieflings' party, he's quite loud about not enjoying being a hero. He wasn't particularly fond of the idea of saving the Grove in the first place anyway.
Same with the Gnomes in the forge, saving them isn't his priority, to say the least.
After all, why would he play the hero when no one, in 200 years, has ever even tried to save him. Neither heroes, nor gods.
So I was thinking about how Astarion came to realise that not only you care about him, but that he too cares enough about you to want to help/save you.
Does you adventures together slowly make him understand that he can save you, as much as you can save him?
After all, quite early in Act 1, you can tell him that you agree to watch each other's back.
And he approves.
I want to believe that this "deal" is the first step toward his acknowledgement: he can protect and get some protection. It starts as a kind of transaction, but gradually, it's not about mutual benefice anymore. After a while, he wants to help/protect, as much as you want to help/protect him, as friend or a lover.
And of course, it paves the way to the epilogue (spawn Astarion, not romanced).Â
And it's beautiful.
He made it all the way from resenting heroes for not saving him, to becoming a hero himself - the kind of hero he decides to be.
And I am wondering... the fact that he can protect you, did it affect his own self-esteem? making him realise his own worth? As a fighter, but also as friend or a lover, as someone one can rely on...
Did it make him realise that he too can become his own hero, his own saviour?
That without Cazador's power over his body, he has everything in him to save himself?
Just my current hyperfixations and whatever else I can't get out of my headâ§ËâșïœĄËâË A practice in self-expression ËâșïœĄËâË â§writer â§ she/they â§ autistic â§ pansexual â§ demisexual
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