To Be Fair, You Have To Have An Extremely High Level Of Mental Illness To Understand Disco Elysium

Rolan is one of those characters who is so insufferable it loops back around to being endearing. I love him.

I do wonder how much he remembers about his schooling. Like if something happened that triggered his memory, would be start spouting off random legalese?

THIS. You actually read my mind.

I'm not interested in people being needlessly pedantic over whether or not he literally "lost his soul" in ascension, because he very clearly lost something crucial to his being. He burned a bridge between himself and the future of healing and redemption he could have had. AA is not "free" in a meaningful way, and he shackled himself to Cazador's legacy forever, trapping himself in a state of non-healing. Of course he's not "just another Cazador", maybe he's even "not as bad". But that doesn't mean he's good. He chose to turn away from the good in himself. As Neil Newbon said, becoming Lord Astarion solidifies all of all the worst in him.

Being able to walk in the sunlight won't make him happy. Having no vampiric hunger won't help him heal from the trauma he's choosing not to face. Being able to see his reflection won't absolve him of his crimes. Being a vampire lord won't give him back the identity that was stripped from him. The Spawn ending isn't all sunshine and rainbows, but its a new dawn. Radiant and hopeful. Full of love and support for the long road of healing ahead.

"Ascended Astarion is what happens if trauma wins - he’s the desensitization to violence after centuries of torture and cruelty, he’s the false facade of confidence and superiority shielding a weak sense of self, he’s the belief that the only way to not be a victim is to be the abuser."

"He may not act exactly like Cazador but he has embraced the belief that to be safe is to be powerful at the expense of empathy and care for others, and with that it is inevitable his hunger for power will grow more and more sadistic consuming every good and tender part of Astarion just like it did to Cazador"

Flawlessly put. Actually perfect.

Some fans think Ascended Astarion is free from the curse of vampirism because he can walk in the sun and see his reflection and he isn’t hungry for blood, but he has just replaced all that for a far more sinister and consuming hunger. Vampires crave power the way they crave blood, insatiably and beyond their control. They are a metaphor for abusers, trapped in their futile struggle to feel fulfilled by harming and dominating others. That is part of their curse, the darkest and most isolating part. If we read Cazador’s thoughts, we find that he doesn’t identify with this monster he has become and deep down wants to just die. He is consumed by the curse of vampirism, everything from torturing his spawn to the ascension ritual were part of this vampiric hunger for power that made Cazador what he became. If Astarion ascends, that is what he will become.

He may not act exactly like Cazador but he has embraced the belief that to be safe is to be powerful at the expense of empathy and care for others, and with that it is inevitable his hunger for power will grow more and more sadistic consuming every good and tender part of Astarion just like it did to Cazador. Cazador was once a young Spawn who reached out to a friend and was impaled for a decade straight because of it. From Cazador’s perspective, he was a “loving”, “paternal” Master compared to Vellioth but that’s just the distorted mindset of the abuser. Just like every abusive parent thinks they aren’t abusive because their parent was “worse” to them. Cazador was different from Vellioth and Ascended Astarion would be different from Cazador but they’re the same beast. There’s no denying that the nature of vampirism and Master/Spawn relationships are abusive and the only way to free yourself from that cycle is to reject the poisonous allure of vampiric power.

Spawn Astarion cannot see his reflection or walk in the sun, at least not yet, but he can live and he can heal. He knows it’s safe to be loving and kind, that there’s more to the world than an endless cycle of power and pain which was all he experienced for 200 years as a slave to Cazador’s sick, undead mind. Spawn Astarion has won something Cazador never could, and that’s his soul back. Cazador died a power-hungry husk who didn’t recognize himself from the boy he once was with everyone he claimed to “love” relieved he was dead - Spawn Astarion won’t suffer that fate. Ascended Astarion is what happens if trauma wins - he’s the desensitization to violence after centuries of torture and cruelty, he’s the false facade of confidence and superiority shielding a weak sense of self, he’s the belief that the only way to not be a victim is to be the abuser. Spawn Astarion is bittersweet but hopeful and free to be himself, he is not consumed by what trauma and vampirism wants him to be. He is free to heal and find out who he is. That will take time, but it’s finally possible.

What I mean when I do not control the hyperfixation.

Oh sorry, I forgot

5. Insufferable bastard

I’ve been trying to get some good dialogue scene screenshots of Astarion, and my field research suggests that he has these modes only: 

Literal model

"Depraved carnal lust"

Sad cat

Actual gremlin

Vessel really is trying to be a Hollow Knight bug and I love that for him

Sorry, but this whole thing about the dice roll to convince Astarion not to ascend—let’s break it down.

The dice roll exists because Astarion is intoxicated—by blood, by fear, by power. Power is the only thing he thinks can set him free, but only because his perspective is painfully limited. The Insight check isn’t there by accident; it’s meant to give the player context. Astarion isn’t thinking clearly—not enough to truly reason.

Do you know what real fear does? It shuts down higher cognitive processes. The sympathetic nervous system takes over, triggering fight, flight, freeze, or fawn responses. Blood rushes to the muscles, the heart, the lungs, preparing the body to react quickly in case of danger. But at the same time, other functions that aren’t immediately useful—like digestion, excretory system, sexual function, and, yes, logical reasoning—get suppressed. It’s a matter of priorities—survival over everything else.

For example, studies show that reprimanding a child too harshly—scaring them—actually inhibits learning, making it completely counterproductive.

And in that moment, Astarion is like someone standing on the edge of a rooftop, ready to jump—not because he wants to die, but because he sees no other way out of his pain. And Tav/Durge is the damn firefighter or cop trying to talk him down before he hits the pavement.

And honestly—who here hasn’t had a conversation with a parent, a friend, or a teacher, only to later think, Shit, they were right, I was about to do something really stupid?

It’s not coercion, people. It’s just pointing things out. And the dice roll is there to break through all the things clouding Astarion’s mind—blood, fear, and everything in between. Not to convince him.

At this point in the adventure, Astarion is perfectly capable of making his own choices, and if he's deprived of that choice, he gets so furious that he attacks the player. In fact, if you categorically decide for him—either by refusing to help him or by interrupting the ritual—things end badly. He is the one who has to decide what to do, not the player.

It's no coincidence that Astarion gives his approval at the moment he realizes what it truly means to ascend and abandons the ritual. There's no lie there; we don't forget that approval. Just as it's no accident that, in the cemetery scene, Astarion says he feels seen by the player. Because yes—beyond the illusory veil of a sexy, evil vampire, we've seen through it and witnessed something else. We've seen the goodness within him.

Please, let's stop saying that Astarion wants to ascend at all costs and that he's forced not to do it. Otherwise, the reading of the game's and the character's subtext is completely lost. And note that this doesn't mean he doesn't also have the potential for evil.

It's exactly these internal contradictions—this constant oscillation between good and evil—that make him such a deep, well-rounded, and wonderful character. Please, let's not simplify him; that would be a crime.

Always let Astarion vandalize the Vlaakith portrait, as a treat. He deserves it.

‘I want to watch a show where characters just happen to be queer and their queerness isn’t the focus of the story.’ -you should watch the wheel of time

‘I wish there was more media that normalized polyamory’ -you should watch the wheel of time

‘I wish there were more focus on women and characters of color in fantasy and sci fi and genre fiction’ -you should watch the wheel of time

‘I want more shows that put a lot of emphasis on platonic relationships and not just romances’ -you should watch the wheel of time

‘I wish there were more fantasy shows that didn’t objectify sexual violence against women’ -you should watch the wheel of time

‘I wish television would cast more middle aged and older women in dynamic and interesting roles’ -YOU SHOULD WATCH THE WHEEL OF TIME

imagine ur emotional support morally ambiguous misunderstood full of trauma touch starved yearning for love drenched in blood responsible for numerous atrocities comfort character in a cozy knitted sweater. do u feel better?