"Take Me To I-zu-mo."

ash lynx / mike waters (river phoenix)

big brother

Eiji the professional photographer. Let's talk about it!

Though this might be obvious, Eiji's "journaling" is basically through photos. He seems to be the type to take in the moments, than write them down. Along the way, I think he's finding a bit of his place and new found interest in photography. I wonder about what kept Eiji going in that path even after Ash? We see him locking out Ash's photos away for a long time in Garden of Light. If he ever wrote down things still, that would be an interesting idea to take, considering they were always on the go. Probably written stuff during nights, as he looks at the photos he recently have taken.

There's probably him realizing that being an athlete may not be what he wanted in the long run, there's the injury I don't think he has gotten over with because he did took that hard and there wasn't much time to even heal from it from all the events that went down with Ash. Okay maybe he's gotten to terms with it somehow behind the scenes, since being in the USA gave his world a huge unexpected shift.

Going back, it feels like Eiji continued photography as a way to cope, to heal, but definitely with the passion along with it because even he can't even look at Ash's image for a long time. Yet the very image of him transpired a lot of things in him. But of course, I do think Eiji found his footing and desire through this art himself, his eyes always had a thing for things unseen, his eyes are dark of color yet the depth does exist in them. They always have.

They're both alive I have proof right here

Ash and Eiji

Eiji after Ash's death being told over and over by everyone that Ash died to protect him, but Eiji hoping to god that it isn't true, hoping that Ash finally finally understood that Eiji did love him, that Ash's death would hurt Eiji, and hoping that Ash decided, for once, to be selfish. That he knew it would hurt Eiji, but still decided to die because it was what he wanted. Eiji hoping -- praying -- that Ash didn't die for Eiji, but died for himself.

Eiji telling himself (because he has to believe it, for his own sake) that maybe, just maybe, Ash's last act was his most selfish.

Because God knows Ash deserved to be selfish for once.

we always talk about how ash looks at eiji but what about how eiji looks at ash?

Tbh I'm glad I bought that Angel Eyes art book. Like I couldn't afford anything much right now, much less another grand official Banana Fish merch again, and I cry each time.

I am saved by the fact that you exist

BANANA FISH (2018) #22 As I Lay Dying