Crack Head Cannon

Search histories part 3: Regulus Black

Sorry for coming for you, babe. We're just too similar.

One time I read that post that goes "once upon a time an adult put you on the ground and never picked you up again" and it made me sad so now I lift everyone. I'm 5'3" and kinda dumpy but the trick is to plant your feet, get 'em in a gable grip low near the hips with your knees bent, and then just tuck in your Elbows and straighten your legs. Gets those fuckers right on up there. I'm the oldest of eight and also the shortest but that sad shit lives with me so I'm hauling around these kids around like it's nothing. My little brother is a hockey player and a full head taller. I carried him around when he was a baby and I carried him around last weekend. My Papa is a 230lb Bavarian man who watches Stargate in a bath robe, he's smoked a pack a day for forty years. You think I haven't lifted him? I have. He said I couldn't do it but I did. God didn't give me social skills but I'm full of love and jacked as hell and he's not here to stop me

Bruce: *passing by with Dick hugging him koala style*

Jason, confused: Why...?

Bruce: He used the "I miss my mom" card on me

Jason:

*10 minutes later*

Bruce, sitting on the couch being held tightly by Dick and Jason: Hi, Tim

Tim: *passing by* Hey, B-

Tim:

Tim: Should I ask?

Bruce: No, I'm not falling for that again

Tim: ??

"Why don't people recognize Link in TOTK" bc everyone imagines the legendary swordsman to be built like Ganondorf and Link doesn't bother correcting anyone bc being hailed as a hero is like on the bottom of his priorities, which are topped by things like "Bake one of every pie"

I think it needs to become common knowledge that "inability to read social cues" can show up as overcompensating.

You don't know how much misbehaviour is allowed, so you become the perfect child who never tests rules.

You don't know if someone is irritated with you, so you'll be extra generous and self-effacing.

You don't know how much is expected of you at work so you'll kill yourself in a minimum-wage job and not notice that nobody else is working like this.

"Hardworking and quiet" should be as much of an autism red flag as "ignores rules and doesn't know when to stop talking". Or why don't we just start using words to communicate so i can stop tracking everybody's eyebrow twitches, that would be great.

Xisuma is simultaneously everyone's sugar baby and sugar daddy. He gives everyone anything they need without batting an eye but the second Keralis gives him one diamond he's blushing and stammering. They all enjoy giving him gifts because they absolutely love his reaction, and they feel they need to pay him back for everything he's done for them.

Xisuma is just generous. He doesn’t NEED anything back, don’t you see? But it’s still so sweet when the hermits give him gifts that he needs. He loves feeling cared about.

Slight batman au, where batman is only so serious during justice league meetings and at the watchtower bc it's a life or death job.

So, imagine outside of being batman and being in danger Bruce Wayne is actually , like , funny and not serious at all outside of work.

Also, I love the young Bruce Wayne headcannons, where he's in his early 20s and all the children are closer in age. So, he's a good dad but really young,so knows tiktok and songs.

Imagine the justice league seeing him at a gala with people he knows, like if Oliver queen was his friend, and he's just fucking about, not at all serious like as batman. And they think there's something wrong or he's acting when he's actually just having fun.

Add in the au where dc and marvel are in the same universe and you get early 20s Bruce Wayne, Tony stark and Oliver queen messing about and having fun at a gala while the justice league is shocked that Bruce can do much as laugh.

Bruce, Tony and Oliver escaped kidnappings together, and are eachother's safe space, so they just can't be serious around eachother.

Why Bruce and Ollie are always mad at eachother in JL meetings is because otherwise they'd end up laughing and I stand by that.

I don't think y'all get how incredibly gay I am for her

Whumpee who has had to fend for themselves from a young age (maybe their parent died, maybe they were abandoned, maybe they were a victim of child abuse) and now they have Caretaker who takes care of them when they're sick, gives them hugs when they're sad, helps them when they're hurt etc. and Whumpee breaks down because it's just been so long since someone cared about them like that

Scipio angst time. He was the purest source of comfort for Reyna, offering no judgement nor confusion. He supported her and carried her throughout her time in new Rome. He died protecting her. He died a Roman death, just like death. Because not even a Pegasus is protected from the altar of sacrifice on which Rome is built. She is soaked in his blood and must kill him in order to relieve him. His blood is on her hands, and her guilt comes not from him not deserving the fate she gave him, but that it was the kindest one she could have.