MY BABIES I LOVE THEMMMMMM

Gyns do you have any suggestions for stuff to help work through anger? I recently had a close female friend that I thought supported me suddenly turn around and spew a ton of alt right propaganda. Apparently she’s gone down a tradwife pipeline and now believes that women having rights is apparently the root of all problems in the world, and she told me (a lesbian who she also knows has experienced multiple counts of sexual assault) that she believes that all women must find a man to submit to sexually.

And while I’m grateful for the fact I can now feel anger instead of shame, I’ve gone a long way in healing, I’d also like to be able to step away from it because I’m legitimately losing sleep over it and it’s dredged up a lot of flashbacks. I’m not trying to fish for sympathy, I just want to know if y’all have any suggestions for me.

I’m not sure if I’m intersex (lack funds for medical testing at this time) but I have a similar problem as is outlined here that I only discovered as an adult, and it was IMMEDIATELY turned into a problem surrounding men. My health or comfort? Painful periods? Hypothetical medical complications later in life? My OWN personal comfort during sex? They acted like I was stupid to even ask.

All I’ve been given so far is be told to use those stupid plastic dilators so I can be forced open enough to be fucked by a man. Doesn’t matter how much it hurt me, or felt unnatural, or if that was even my goal in asking for medical advice (fun fact, it wasn’t. I was trying to get help for my own personal bodily comfort outside of sex). I’m incredibly thankful that soon after that nonsense I was able to unlearn comphet and realize I was a lesbian and leave all that male-centric crap and plastic phalluses behind. It was traumatic enough for me as an adult and I cannot fucking stand the idea of people doing that shit to children. Absolutely disgusting behavior.

“Female-assigned intersex kids’ vaginal canal size is also assessed by doctors, to ensure that it’s long enough to fit a penis inside of it. Doctors might surgically construct or re-construct vaginas, which can result in a host of health problems and necessitate multiple, multiple surgeries. This is especially the case since most intersex kids have these surgeries very young, and when their bodies grow into their adult forms, more surgeries are necessary to keep their vagina size in proportion. Non-surgical methods are also used to increase or maintain vaginal length by regularly using medical dildos to stretch the vagina over months and years. (It’s kind of like braces for your vagina, but much, much worse.) Just like there are no standards for how long a clitoris “can” be before it’s classified as a penis, there aren’t absolute standards as to how long a vagina is for it to be of “normal” length. I had a dilation procedure performed for almost every exam I had with intersex doctors from the time I was 8 until I was 16, so that they could check how long my vagina was as I grew. I absolutely hated these procedures. I mean, imagine a man as old as your father or your grandfather, who you don’t know, inserting a medical dildo into you each time you saw him, knowing that you can’t question the doctor’s orders and just accept that you have to undergo these uncomfortable procedures for your health. Imagine a decade or so later, realizing that these procedures did nothing to track your health, and had everything to do with grown men feeling good about the fact that you could fuck some dude someday like a “normal girl”. That all those traumatizing procedures weren’t actually medically relevant at all, and it actually was within my right to refuse those examinations. I didn’t know any of that at the time. I also had no idea that I wouldn’t want to ultimately have the kind of sex they assumed I’d be having, adding yet another layer of this-was-totally-unnecessary/messed-up to my history. Other kids shouldn’t have to go through this. Other adults shouldn’t have revelations some day far into the future that what was happening to them WASN’T okay, and their traumatic feelings ARE valid, and the whole system of how intersex people are conceptualized and “treated” IS entirely fucked. And it’s gotta change. We’ve gotta change it.”

—

—-Claudia at Autostraddle

I just read this article and was reminded once again how invisible the intersex community often is… we need to signal boost this shit to let people know that this kind of “medical treatment” is NOT okay.

(via bossybussy)

Felt straight-up ill reading this. This is the institutionalized rape of children. It’s beyond unconscionable that procedures like this are normalized and considered “treatment”.

(via thaxted)

jfc

(via stammsternenstaub)

Revolting and repugnant.

See why intersex folk don’t like their medical issues being used as a rhetorical gotcha?

(via appropriately-inappropriate)

This is killing me 😭😭😭 what do they even want to read?

no, no i don’t

I see this right after posting the original picture??? Blessed

Caitvi, Butchfemme

Unfortunately I am a pathetic butch and I have to just accept it. Somehow I love providing, protecting, and spoiling people but I will also cry if you kiss me and be a complete sappy fool and I have to learn to live with this duality 😔

And she was so kind about it too! I saw her original announcement on her story and she was so polite and kind in how she explained why she’d chosen to make it a single-sex space. And all she’s gotten is some absolutely nasty responses.

It doesn’t matter how kind we are, how much we obediently, tearfully explain how our bodies have been violated a thousand times over, how much we debase ourselves and “check our privilege!” and educate ourselves and “listen to other people’s experiences!” they will still display a disturbing level of hatred and threatening language. I follow some trans creators because I try to keep an open mind, but I had to unfollow one (TIF) because he made a video saying that he’s going to show up and frighten everyone there with his appearance and behavior because, “I’m biologically female and you said you wanted me here!”

I get it. Being excluded can hurt sometimes. But that doesn’t mean you’re entitled to spaces, or to people’s bodies, to soothe that hurt. No, this is not the same as racial segregation. This is a singular, private space in which women, a group of people who suffer immensely, are wanting to gather to support each other and have s respite from a male dominated world. Give me a fucking break. I’m tired of trans rhetoric co-opting racism as their defense and I’ve been told by a lot of women of color that it’s frustrating to them too, and considering the fact that the lovely owner of this gym is a woman of color I can only imagine how invalidating and frustrating this all is to her.

womyn, please, show some love and support to natalee barrett. she’s a black woman who created a gym for women only and after deciding to exclude trans women (for obvious reasons), she has been unfollowed and insulted by trans activists. in the first link below, @/prowomyn on instagram explain the whole situation. the second one is her instagram profile.

1. https://www.instagram.com/reel/DHHSxBoPxtLMhBcajpaVB2alVCBV4jvPQtIlH80/?igsh=OHp1djl0dTB2MW9z

2. https://www.instagram.com/nataleebarnett_?igsh=MTJzdHlxZGg5bDQ2NQ==

1) This is disturbing and I feel so sorry for this poor couple

2) Stealing lingerie, underwear, or even sexual toys is a huge pattern among TIMs. I remember a male ex I had (before I realized I was a Lesbian) telling me this story of a friend of a friend. This man was “experimenting with his sexuality/gender” and would continually steal his mother’s dildos to fuck himself in the ass with, not even using condoms as a barrier, and then putting it back, and eventually she found out and just let him have it. (I have no issue with anal if that’s what you want to do so don’t get me wrong, but it does have a higher risk of bacterial contamination so extra cleaning and/or protection needs to be involved)

And I had a surprised and disgusted reaction to this, obviously, and he accused me of being transphobic and got pretty upset about that. At the time I wasn’t even a radfem but the idea of people stealing intimate items that touch genitals, and especially returning them so they can be re-used unknowingly by the original owner, is just really gross and inappropriate? I don’t really care what it is or what your purpose of doing so is, unless you’re a 10 year old girl who was jokingly putting on her mom’s bra while doing the laundry, it’s incredibly disgusting. And I see stories of that happening over and over again, and I just feel really bad for their poor mothers and sisters because that has to feel like an incredible violation of privacy.

Male secretly abuses his lesbian sister's clothing for god fucking knows how long...... This is so disgusting I don't even know what to say here. (link)

Gyns…. I had a date and finally got kissed on the lips by a girl for the first time yesterday 🤭🤭🤭 y’all have to deal with my rant now lol

I made her a bouquet of her favorite flowers and took her to dinner at a Thai place nearby my house, and then we went to see “Sinners” afterwards (good movie btw) and ugh it was so healing and peaceful after how anxious I always felt trying to date men.

She’s so pretty too, 70s-90s vintage femme to my 70s-90s vintage butch lol. And she respects that I’m a stone top; while she didn’t previously understand the Stone/Princess dynamic before meeting me, she said it’s actually something she’d wanted but didn’t know had a name. She’s also spiritual like I am, and she’s got big 1920s pouty eyes and a nose piercing and UGH y’all I think I have a crush 😭 We’ve been talking for about 6 weeks now but she was preparing for finals at college about an hour’s drive away so we couldn’t meet up until after she got through with them and moved back home for the summer nearer to where I live.

Anyway tho we were sitting in her car waiting for my dad to pick me up after the movie, and she kept stalling even after he arrived so I figured she wanted a kiss, so I asked her, and she said yes but she wanted me to close my eyes because she was shy, so I did and she grabbed my cheek and gave me a few all one after the other and UGH I just love being a lesbian so much.

It’s also really healing to take the part of the “pursuer” in this circumstance (which obviously isn’t necessarily a thing butches or tops have to do, I just happen to be a stereotype lol) after past experiences that left me a little shaken. This time around I get to take that role and do it right, and I think I’m already doing a good enough job because she trusted me to hold her purse when she went to the restroom lol.

Idk I’m just really happy and it’s like that deep, calm happiness where everything just feels right for the first time in your life and you can just enjoy the experience.

i wish to be the sapphic version of wolfstar with someone

Ughhhh I’m working on a longer piece about the presence of patriarchy/rape culture in the LGBTQ community (and I know a lot of you are separatists, and I also am, but since it’s socially considered a community we all get lumped in together, hence the problems I’m talking about)

But anyway I’ve been stewing over it for like 2 weeks and thinking of what I want to say but there’s just so much it’s hard to figure out how to lay it all out in a way that makes sense and flows well so people will actually want to stick around and read the whole thing 😭😭 send help