AU In Which Snape Has A Potions Show A La Gordon Ramsay Style

draco’s first hour watching baking shows: wow, these people are quite good

draco on his 23rd hour in a row: idc how good her fondant is, if kathy doesnt add more buttercream to that mixture her consistency is going to be all off

harry, trying to work: malfoy you have never baked in your ENTIRE BLOODY LIFE

Somebody said muggle youtuber AU and I just had to

Fact: the Gryffindor and Slytherin trios are gay and in love with each other

I need a fic where Harry is overjoyed that his two best friends are finally together and happy, but also jealous and annoyed at suddenly being the third wheel. Like:

“Hermione, he doesn’t belong to you- No, I don’t care that he’s your boyfriend. I haven’t seen him all day and I saw him first, damnit!”

“Ron, please stop kissing her, she’s supposed to be helping me research, Are you going to write my essay for me? Didn’t think so… No, wait, Hermione, I didn’t me that you were going to write my essay for me, I just- You can’t leave me here to die!… Stop laughing, Ron.”

“Hermione, it is boys night! No girls allowed… geez, okay, stop yelling at me. You can have two minutes to say goodnight… It’s been longer than two minutes, Hermione!… Hey, leave space for Wizard Jesus! Get off him Hermione! You are corrupting my best friend!”

Basically, we need more Harry “the cockblock” Potter.

I am instituting a new rule. If you ever make anything for/inspired by me, I definitely will want to see it. So given that tumblr shows a complete inability to consistently notify about tagged posts, please message me a link. Even if it’s:

[link] *screams and runs away*

Because I always, always want to see it, you will not bother me, and apparently we’re going to just have to work around this hellsite.

The most hilarious thing about the fact Buckbeak had a trial and lost is that later on JKR resolves the issue by having Hagrid take him in again and renaming him Witherwings. That’s literally all it took. What if in POA, Hagrid simply said, “Sorry, Buckbeak flew away.” 

“There’s a hippogriff right there, Hagrid.”

“A different hipprogriff.”

“I’m… pretty sure that’s the same hipprogriff.”

“Prove it.” 

Scared potter

So imagine Draco and harry getting together and then there’s this running joke (that harry says he hates but actually loves) of Draco saying “scared potter” at EVERY CHANCE HE HAS.

So like:

Harry opening a letter

“scared potter?”

About to tell Ron there dating

“scared potter?”

Making out in Harry’s dorm

“scared potter?”

Crossing road

“scared potter?”

About to take a shot

“scared potter?”

About to walk down a flight of stairs

“scared potter?”

About to eat a sandwich

“scared potter?”

EVERY CHANCE!

And one day Harry seems to be hesitate to say something and Draco just there like “scared potter?” Automatically

And Harry just smirks and says “yeah” and gets down on one knee.

They were both slightly drunk, then, on Christmas Eve. It was Neville who threw the party. Malfoy’s cheeks were flushed, his eyes a bright glint in the dark. They had stood on the balcony, which faced north, and the chilly wind bit their faces numb. Harry’s cheeks burned from the cold and the liquor both. It was at once pleasant and confusing.

“No, no. Not the new year’s resolutions.” Malfoy made a face. He was more pliant when he was tipsy, more expressive. “How old. How boring.”

“Well. What’s not old, then?”

“Hmmmmmm.” Malfoy swayed slightly, took a long sip of his champagne. Posh git. “Ah! Let’s play Truth.”

“That is old!”

“I’ll start. How was it, the twenty-fourth year the savior hath graced this world?”

“Lonely,” Harry said. The word simply tumbled out, and only then did he feel the syllables echo through his empty ribcage, resounding through his body. He shivered. “It was lonely.”

Malfoy stared at him. Harry took a quick sip of his beer and hid his face in his scarf.

“I’m lonely, too.”

“’s not what I said,” Harry mumbled.

“Do you want to be lonely together?”

Harry lifted his gaze and stared at Malfoy. Malfoy stared back, his eyes huge and serious. They caught the glimpses of light from underneath, a midnight London. They caught Harry’s reflection.

“Why not,” Harry said.

*

Harry was trying to get the newt to stay on the Christmas tree when Malfoy came, wrapped his arms around his waist, and kissed him on the mouth. He tasted like mulled wine, like cinnamon and star anise, sweet with the bitter tang of orange.

Malfoy pulled away, his arms still around Harry’s waist. He was smiling.

“Happy first-year anniversary,” he said, teasing, “of being lonely together.”

Harry’s smile faltered. It was a jest, he knew. But he wasn’t lonely anymore. He hadn’t been lonely in such a long while, in fact, that he barely remembered what it felt like. All that happened when he thought of Malfoy was a flooding warmth in his chest, brimming and overflowing, and an urge to fight the smile. As though he was afloat.

“Are you?” he asked, voice light. “Lonely, still?”

Malfoy’s face softened.

“No,” he said. “I’m happy.” Then, colors creeping into his cheeks, “And in love.”

Oh.

“Good,” Harry said. “Good. Let’s do that, then.”

“Be happy?”

“And in love.” Harry’s cheeks burned. “Together. Let’s do that together.”

“Oh.” Malfoy smiled, oddly shy. He had flushed furiously down his neck. He looked pretty like that. “Okay.”

“You make me happy, Malfoy.”

Malfoy kissed his chin. “I love you, too.”