✦✦✦ — ❝ I'm An Idiot For Thinking◞ This Was Anything But Blood ❞ ⸝

Hurt you

ackkkkk I need to see herta in your writing style 😭😭😭😭

barista's note: if it is herta the people want it is herta the people will get! please come home herta i spent all my anaxa funds on you

"order for...general herta headcanons?"

madam herta: number 83 of the genius society, the woman who proved the solitary wave theory and emanator of erudition. what is there to say about such a genius?

well, one thing is for sure; herta is great and she knows she's great. hundreds of puppets of her are scattered across her space station, portraits of her are never far from sight and statues of her are not uncommon, too.

because of her greatness and confidence in her greatness, many people tend to be intimidated by her. who wouldn't be? she's THE herta, after all; the second smartest being in the universe, only behind nous THEMSELF.

so, it tends to be quite boring talking to all these mundanites that never provide her with the slightest bit of stimulation. even the ones that do question her always seem to lack any sort of substance in their arguments.

so when she meets you, a clever spitfire from the intelligentsia guild who not only criticises her but does so with some semblance of intellectual thought? she is intrigued

after meeting you, she invites you to her office frequently to just talk with her. herta is exactly like the rumours; she's arrogant and fiercely intellectual. arguing with her is like talking to a brick wall. and yet, she persists in inviting you again and again.

eventually, you become a common presence in the space station. the researchers are used to you standing near herta's office or hearing you arguing passionately with the madam in her office

at some stage, she invites you to her home to talk with her. she is far more intimidating in person, as a beautiful woman with thousands of puppets of her standing around, observing you as you argue your case.

and it continues, again and again,

until you just...move in one day. and live with her.

CONGRATS! you became madam herta's lover by accident! well, not really by accident. she actually planned this, somewhat. SO, you became madam herta's lover by half-accident!

herta is a demanding lover, to say the least. she expects constant praise and affection from you when it is convenient for her. and of course, she demands your attention at all times. what could be more important than her? your actual job, for one

clingy doesn't even begin to describe herta lol. wherever she goes, this woman expects you to be right behind her. not too much to ask, right?

but she also really likes it when you argue back and criticise her. its what makes you..different from everyone else.

despite all of her herta-ness, she can actually be surprisingly gentle. she'll help you with fashion, makeup, hair etc, and her touch is always soft and sweet. in these moments, you get a glimpse at a more vulnerable side of herta that's rarely seen.

also, please cook/bake for her. she has no clue what to do in the kitchen and many herta bots have died awful deaths because of her experiments. to save these poor puppets, youre going to have to learn how to cook, whether you want to or not.

whenever herta has a portrait of her commissioned, she'll always include you with her. portraits of you and her together are common all across the space station. researchers often gossip about your relationship to herta, wondering why this random intelligentsia guild member is suddenly attached to madam herta.

she'll also name several discoveries after you! [name] theory, [name] equation, [name] disorder..the list goes on and on.

she'll also include you in discussions about the simulated universe...in fact, she'll include you in almost all of her projects.

what can she say? love makes one irrational. even someone like madam herta can't resist its pull.

"The Herta & [Surname], [Name]. (2157). Determining The Properties of Stellarons. Candelagraphos, 136(8)."

Idk who needs to hear this but if anyone who sees fictional brothers kissing and thinks “oh I should kiss my brother” they’re too fucking young to be on these apps. NOBODY is that impressionable by the age of 13. By the age of 13 you should already know kissing your brother is wrong. And if you don’t, that’s not my fault, that’s not the OP’s fault.

Obsessed doctor that never wants their patient to heal, gives them the wrong medication, therapy and anything they can do to make their patient theirs forever

Patient that don't understand and blame themselves for not being able to heal.

MY HOLY TRINITY (toxic yuri, toxic hetero & toxic yaoi)

But the best part is that in all three relationships the siblings are canonically incestuous and codependent on each other <3

all proshippers deserve a nice big bowl of pasta

This doesn't get talked about even though it should.

The English name for it is [The corporate slave and the demon Shota]. It's super fluffy, it's good if y'all want a pallet cleanser.

by the way, if a ship disgusts you but you don’t harass people who ship it, you’re a proshipper.

being a proshipper isn’t exclusive to only “enjoying a ship that would have been morally unacceptable in real life”.

being a proshipper just means “being against online harassment”.

you can be a proshipper and be disgusted by some specific ships at the same time, as long as you don’t harass people who enjoy them.

being a proshipper literally just means you know how to scroll past / ignore / mute / block things that make you uncomfortable instead of “attacking people for enjoying these fictional things”.

being a proshipper means being against bullying and harassing people over fictional things because you can separate fiction from reality and you know that how people choose to enjoy fictional things is not your business. that’s all.

whitney de DoL seria mejor si fuera un bully colombiano, le haría empanada a cualquier maleta que se encontrara, le pegaria las hojas de los cuadernos al resto y sería tremendo ratero además, no dudo que ese mismo man sería el que vende perico en el baño

Idk

funni shitpost of the evening

Also had to specify (on the bottom text) with REAL ISSUES that harm REAL PEOPLE so SOME IDIOTS don’t get the wrong idea 🤙 -🔹

Antis do not fucking touch this post and go be fascists somewhere else 😍😍😍