"order For...general Herta Headcanons?"

ackkkkk I need to see herta in your writing style 😭😭😭😭

barista's note: if it is herta the people want it is herta the people will get! please come home herta i spent all my anaxa funds on you

"order for...general herta headcanons?"

madam herta: number 83 of the genius society, the woman who proved the solitary wave theory and emanator of erudition. what is there to say about such a genius?

well, one thing is for sure; herta is great and she knows she's great. hundreds of puppets of her are scattered across her space station, portraits of her are never far from sight and statues of her are not uncommon, too.

because of her greatness and confidence in her greatness, many people tend to be intimidated by her. who wouldn't be? she's THE herta, after all; the second smartest being in the universe, only behind nous THEMSELF.

so, it tends to be quite boring talking to all these mundanites that never provide her with the slightest bit of stimulation. even the ones that do question her always seem to lack any sort of substance in their arguments.

so when she meets you, a clever spitfire from the intelligentsia guild who not only criticises her but does so with some semblance of intellectual thought? she is intrigued

after meeting you, she invites you to her office frequently to just talk with her. herta is exactly like the rumours; she's arrogant and fiercely intellectual. arguing with her is like talking to a brick wall. and yet, she persists in inviting you again and again.

eventually, you become a common presence in the space station. the researchers are used to you standing near herta's office or hearing you arguing passionately with the madam in her office

at some stage, she invites you to her home to talk with her. she is far more intimidating in person, as a beautiful woman with thousands of puppets of her standing around, observing you as you argue your case.

and it continues, again and again,

until you just...move in one day. and live with her.

CONGRATS! you became madam herta's lover by accident! well, not really by accident. she actually planned this, somewhat. SO, you became madam herta's lover by half-accident!

herta is a demanding lover, to say the least. she expects constant praise and affection from you when it is convenient for her. and of course, she demands your attention at all times. what could be more important than her? your actual job, for one

clingy doesn't even begin to describe herta lol. wherever she goes, this woman expects you to be right behind her. not too much to ask, right?

but she also really likes it when you argue back and criticise her. its what makes you..different from everyone else.

despite all of her herta-ness, she can actually be surprisingly gentle. she'll help you with fashion, makeup, hair etc, and her touch is always soft and sweet. in these moments, you get a glimpse at a more vulnerable side of herta that's rarely seen.

also, please cook/bake for her. she has no clue what to do in the kitchen and many herta bots have died awful deaths because of her experiments. to save these poor puppets, youre going to have to learn how to cook, whether you want to or not.

whenever herta has a portrait of her commissioned, she'll always include you with her. portraits of you and her together are common all across the space station. researchers often gossip about your relationship to herta, wondering why this random intelligentsia guild member is suddenly attached to madam herta.

she'll also name several discoveries after you! [name] theory, [name] equation, [name] disorder..the list goes on and on.

she'll also include you in discussions about the simulated universe...in fact, she'll include you in almost all of her projects.

what can she say? love makes one irrational. even someone like madam herta can't resist its pull.

"The Herta & [Surname], [Name]. (2157). Determining The Properties of Stellarons. Candelagraphos, 136(8)."