Science Needs To Not. Like, This Is How Sci-fi Horror Movies Start.

This is honestly the best thing I’ve ever seen

THIS IS THE BEST THING I HAVE EVER SEEN HOW IS ANYONE NOT TALKING ABOUT THIS BEAUTIFUL DRAGON BABY?!??!?

I get this ALL the time

seriously you guys, make up your mind

neurotypicals: why are you so weird? you’re really weird

me: I’m autistic

neurotypicals: but then why are you so normal? you’re really normal

School really had me thinking my biggest problem was gonna be quicksand

This

nothing brings me more joy than repeatedly doing a bit that my mother dislikes

You know, having had my name legally changed forever ago, it’s fucking wild to open random accounts and suddenly see my old name, like

*Ahh oop Jump Scare*

Prosecution: Your honor, the defendant has been scamming people into buying fake “immortality elixirs” for years!

Defense: Objection! Your honor, the defense requests the prosecution specify exactly how many years?

Prosecution: Gladly, your honor. As you can see from the arrest records submitted into evidence, the defendant has had the audacity to continue committing this felony for 148 years!

Judge: I’m sorry, did I hear that correctly? The defendant has been selling immortality elixirs for 148 years?!

Prosecution: Yes, your honor, the earliest documented arrest was in 1886.

Judge: It’s 2014.

Prosecution: Yes, your honor.

Judge: And you don’t see anything weird about that? Anything at all?

Defense: In light of this stupidity, the defense demands the immediate release of my client followed by a drop of all charges and would like to file a lawsuit against the arresting officer for slander.

Judge: Yes. Right. Bailiff, please release the defendant. Oh, and bring me any of the elixirs taken into evidence.

I don’t care if this was supposed to read “Healthy Burgers,” this says “Heal Thy Burgers” and nothing can convince me otherwise