Laying In Bed With The Fan On, When It’s Already Cold, With A Pile Of Blankets On, And Rubbing Your

there’s something about when it nears the end of the night that i have to go through internal crises like should i drop out? am i unlovable? am i really meant to be alone for the rest of my life? will i stop dreaming of outfits i’ll never have? feeling nostalgic for where i grew up but would actually rather die than have to be stuck in my hometown again. will i still feel like god hates me even though i haven’t been to a church in years because i can’t bring myself to be in one anymore? am i turning into my mother? was my mother right?

but i usually will just gaslight myself by saying i’m just a girl and that’s that.

a week of midterms down and a break is right around the corner. so i’m pregaming a break the best way i can; which is having a high shower, lay in bed with a03, and Outkast playing.

i wake up in the morning, am reminded of the country i’m in everyday, and the i get sad again. (my friend just showed me kanye’s new t-shirt merch)

at looking back at my previous post i might possibly abandon the lovely cricket feet rubbing because i want to actually crunch on a camel menthol crush rn

listening to ethel chain’s perverts in the middle of the night, while also being high, was probably the most terrifying yet beautiful experience i’ve had. i think this is what transcending is supposed to be like