Caf Crawling | Page 1

Clone trooper armor design and mechanics for The Clone Wars TV series

Stewjoni are ancient bioweapons. Designed to hunt darksiders Au

The first time the troops see Obi-wan drop his human facade is when he tears Pong Krells throat out with his teeth.

Obi-wan had been having an uneasy feeling about the other Jedi and had diverted to check in when he saw what the man was doing. Then felt the darkside dripping off the man.

He completely lost his composure. He didn't even try to use his saber. Just launched himself at Krell and tore into him.

In the end Obi-wan was standing there in a daze as he calmed down. Blood all over him.

The troopers that witnessed the scene are in shock. Too stunned to move.

Finally Waxer and Fives pull themselves together enough to approach.

"General Kenobi? Wha-" Waxer starts. Biting his tongue when the jedi snaps his head around to look at him.

His eyes are glowing. Not yellow. Waxer feels a blinding wave of relief at that. Not sith yellow. But blue, with a hint of green. Some of his freckles are glowing too. A strange bioluminesance that theyve never seen displayed before.

"Sir, you okay?" Fives gathers the courage to ask.

Obi-wan blinks. The dazed, almost feral, look in his eye fades. He swollows, then grimaces. Likely from the blood in his mouth. He clears his throat and opens his mouth to answer.

His teeth have changed. Now slightly longer and sharp.

"'M fine." The redhead rasps. Voice holding a hint of something guttural. "The men?"

Waxer glances back to the troops. They still havent moved, but they also seem to have relaxed a bit.

"Fine. Everyones fine. General, what happened just now?" Waxer asks.

The jedi makes an odd trilling noise. "Ah... I may have... Lost my control. I apologize for scaring you all."

Five snorts. "Scaring us? General that was the hottest kriffing thing ive ever seen!"

Waxer doesnt hesitate to punch the ARC trooper.

do you see this shit my liege

Snippet of a thing im not going to finish:

Obi-wan and Anakin meet Jango years before cannon. Jango is on a Job for Dooku. Ani and Obi are on a mission to help a tiny moon celebrate a holiday. Of course it all goes wrong and the crash into Jango during their escape, Anakin may accidently kidnap him thinking its a rescue. One thing leads to another and they go on a roadtrip to kill a sith.

"My mom is the best!" Anakin gushed. "She raised me all on her own as a slave. Managed to help start an underground railroad for escaped slaves. And saved 2 jedi all on her own."

Jango nodded. He liked the sound of Shmi Skywalker. Couldn't wait to meet her. Curiously he turned to the third person in their impromptu team up. The redheaded jedi. Who so far had been quietly working away on a plan for their roadtrip to murder a sith.

"What about your parents?" Jango asked. He may as well. He'd already shared information about his buir.

"Hmm? Oh they sold me to slavers when I was 2. Not sure what they're doing now." He answered absently. Voice calm and disinterested.

A loud crash broke the following silence. "What?!" Anakin exclaimed having dropped the small deactivator he was working on for the clone slave chips. "Your parents sold you?!"

Obi-wan finally looked up from his pad. Looking a bit confused. "The jedi found me a few months later. I don't even remember any of it. There's no need to be upset about the past Ani."

Jango bit back his scathing response to that. "What planet are you from?" He asks. Though he's got a good idea. Redheads were pretty sparce in the galaxy. Only coming from a few mostly insular planets. It would also explain why Jango's first urge when meeting had not been to kill the annoying man, but to get him away from danger.

"Stewjon." He answers. No sign of him understanding the implications of what sitting a few feet from a mandalorian means for him.

Jango resist the urge to groan. Of course he would meet the 1 Stewjoni who didn't know about the Call. And he was a kriffing Jedi of all things.

Anakin nearly chokes on his own gasp as he of all people realizes what's going on. The teens eyes snap to Jango and he stabs a finger at him. "I'll toss you out the airlock. I swear to the force. Don't you even-"

"I wasn't!" Jango snaps. He is not getting threatened by some baby jedi. Not even if part of him is crowing with excitement at being so close to one of his people. Jedi or not the redhead belonged to his people. To the Mand'alor.

"Sorry. What's going on?" Obi-wan demands. Scowling at the other two men.

"Everyone's joke about you being mando bait is more literal than previously thought." Anakin answers before Jango can. "You're not allowed be be alone with Jango anymore." He puffed up when Obi-wan snorted in response.

"Anakin-"

"He has a right to be worried. Though I have more control over myself than he thinks, others might not." Jango cut in.

Obi-wan frowned. Looking between them. "I think you may need to explain."

Divorce AU Fox being an absolute mastermind when it comes to the tabloid media and laying the groundwork for the divorce years before he starts it. Lots of very subtle comments that sound mostly innocent and romantic, but paint Palpatine in a very controlling light, offhand comments that are laughed off but just don’t sit quite right.

Even a year before he starts the divorce, people are questioning the bruises he didn’t get on patrol (because it’s a celeb relationship so come on people will be checking whether he was actually on patrol or not at the point where he got those injuries).

Long before he starts anything legal reporters start looking into the condition of the Coruscant barracks, because clones are very loyal to their siblings and maybe the commander of the Guard has a reason for staying with the Chancellor when it’s clearly causing him suffering. Maybe he’s staying because he has people to protect, and maybe the Chancellor is holding their lives and well-being over Fox’s head. He has the power to, and it would certainly explain a lot.

Hell, the common public who read the tabloid start being nice to the Guard, their opinions totally flipped by the engaging stories

Fox has to pretend to be outraged by the accusations that Palpatine is abusive when they first start, but he’s secretly overjoyed, because things are going better than he could have hoped.

Palpatine isn’t completely blindsided by the divorce, but he’s 100% blindsided by the overwhelming support that comes from the masses in support of Fox and the Corries.

Fox weaponised tabloid media. They practically build the case for him.

Rex: goddammit, you two! What di-

Echo: *sprays him with the spray bottle*

Rex: *extremely confused*

Echo: *completely straight faced* no yelling at the children.

Fives & Hardcase: *scared*

Rex: I swear, if you spra-

Echo: *sprays him again* and no threatening the ARC troopers.

Rex:

Echo:

Rex:

Echo:

Echo: *runs*

I think I've worked out (part of the reason) why there's been such a huge uptick in folks who don't reblog things on here.

This post has like 14k notes right now, and the tags and comments and reblogs are FULL of people who didn't know about fast-reblog, and -- you guys have been slow-reblogging this whole time!?!??!?!?

In the interests of a) making your lives easier, and b) encouraging you to reblog posts, which is what keeps this site alive, here's how you fast-reblog:

On mobile: press and hold the reblog button. Your blog icon will appear. If you have sideblogs, all of the different icons will appear. Drag to whichever blog you want to reblog to, and release. Job done.

On desktop: hold down the E key and click reblog. Job done.

You're welcome. Now get reblogging.

212TH ONE-SHOT

@metalhusbands :one of the clones gets stuck in a vent - chaos insues

As you wish!!!!

(got the idea from @212th-chaos and @obiwanshusband tooka chaos)

---------

"What do you mean it's IN the vent?!?!" Cody practically yelled, throwing his arms up in exaggeration.

Waxer bowed his head, hiding his hands behind his back. "I didn't realize the vent cover was off so it sprinted towards it, I tried to grab it and it bit me and disappeared…"

Cody pinched the bridge of his nose as he let out a drawn-out sigh. "There's a tooka loose in the ven- wait did you say it bit you?"

Waxer shrugged, still hiding his hands. "It's not that bad, sir."

Cody gave him an unbelieving glare. "Nice try. Med bay. Now," He pointed down the hall. "I'll go find someone to help find the damned thing."

Waxer nodded, heading towards the medbay as Cody started towards the barracks.

As the Commander got closer, he could hear laughing and yelling coming from beyond the door to the barracks. He wasn't sure what he expected to see beyond the door but he definitely didn't expect what he did find.

"Commander!" Boil shot up from where he was crouched on the floor. Next to him, someone was sticking halfway out of a vent, their waist up hidden inside. Boil looked from Cody to whoever was in the vent, back to Cody.

Cody crossed his arms, trying his best to refrain from laughing. "What the hell happened?"

Around Boil, other troopers were failing to control their laughter. "Well, sir," Boil started, barely containing his own laughter, "Waxer lost a tooka in the vent and Wooley saw it and tried to grab it and well…" he motioned to the pair of legs, "he got stuck."

Cody couldn't stop the amused chuckle as Wooley started to kicked his legs.

"Will you stop karking laughing and get me the kriff out?!?" Wooley's muffled yell only caused the boys to keel over laughing once more.

"I'm assuming pulling him out didn't work, then?" Cody asked, leaning against the door frame.

"We tried," Longshot piped up. "But his squeaking as we tried to pull him out-" he fell into a fit of giggles.

"So what you're saying is you bunch of di'kuts were all laughing too hard to pull him out?" Cody asked, his amused smirk never leaving his face.

"No, yeah. That about sums it up sir," Trapper put in between wheeze.

Cody was more laughing at his troopers trying their best to say things in a professional manner all while doubled over wheezing than Wooley screaming profanities through the vent.

"So," Cody made his way over, lightly kicking Wooley's leg. "How bout you lot get him out of the vent so we can find the missing tooka before it bites someone else?"

"I like that plan!" Wooley called out, kicking his legs again, accidentally hitting Cody in the process.

Unfortunately for Wooley, that just sent them all laughing again. Crys, who hadn't said a word since Cody arrived, was now struggling to breath, curled into a ball on the floor.

"What the kriff did I miss?"

Cody turned to see Waxer now standing in the open doorway, a bandage wrapped neatly around his hand.

Cody leaned his back against the wall, sparing a glance at Wooley. "Seems your tooka caused a bit of chaos in your absence."

Waxer chuckled to himself before walking over to Wooley, grabbing his leg and yanking hard. Wooley slid free from the vent and Waxer landed on his ass, wincing as his bandaged hand hit the floor.

Wooley rolled onto his back, staring at the ceiling before getting up and launching himself at Boil who practically screamed. Wooley wrestled his vod to the floor. "This is for not getting me out, you karking di'kut!" He yelled as he put Boil in a headlock.

No one came to Boil's rescue and he squirmed to attempt to free himself.

Cody didn't move from his spot against the wall, content to watch the chaos unfold.

Wooley released Boil and latched himself to Longshot who started screaming at Crys to help him. Crys was of no help, still fighting to catch his breath.

Waxer stood up, stopping beside his Commander and his vode rolled around on the floor. "Should we-?"

"Nah," Cody interrupted. "They'll figure it out,"

Cody's attention was quickly drawn back to the vent as a soft meow was heard. Beside his foot the tabby tooka, also watching the chaos it had unknowingly caused.

"There's the little shit!" Wooley's voice called out.

"GET IT!"

Humans have no time for other planet’s savior complexes.

The first huge battle between us and an outer space fleet happened before we even got out of our solar system. They flew down and held the planet hostage, made threats, the whole shebang. The Galactic Syndicate catches word of it; one of the warring planets taking control of a tiny, defenseless planet right on the edge of their borders? Well, that doesn’t look good for them.

So they send ships down. The moment those doors open, the aliens have a gun in their face and a very angry, bruised, and beaten human glaring at them.

What they hadn’t been made aware of was that the humans had, more or less competently, handled the invasion. However, the introduction of outer space aliens had been somewhat of a shock to them and, as the human explained in less polite words, they had had their fill of outer space life forms, thank you very much.

But now Earth is on the map. News of their competence in the fight against their invaders passes through the systems and planet upon planet send down delegations to attempt to form relations with these strange new creatures. More often than not, they offer protection, with the uninformed belief that these soft, little bipeds need a strong defender. Those emissaries return to their planets rather hastily and steadfastly refuse to return to the backwater little planet.

Since then, many more invasions have happened on Earth, but no matter how many fleets are sent to help defend the humans, they are turned away. Some of the elders in the Syndicate claim it is human arrogance, refusing any help, stubborn, stupid creatures. Others find it fascinating, courageous, and a little bit sexy.

But the truth is, humans don’t trust well, and we don’t like to be in debt. We know how fast we can turn on each other; how fast do you think it would take for a mysterious, scientifically advanced, military deep space species to do the same, good intentions be damned?

No, best just to handle it ourselves.

“WHAT DO I DO?!”

“Only Captain Rex knows how to break that hold, sir!”

“WELL GET HIM ON THE COMMS!” 

-

The shinies try to warn Obi-Wan of Cody’s struggle snuggle tendencies before his morning caf. He didn’t listen.