Some Eugene Roe Headcanons That No One Asked For

SpeirsRoe headcanon I feel very strongly: Ron and Gene walking around in a mall. Gene expressing his lack of understanding and almost outrage about how much all those new sneakers can cost. Ron doing that blank stare of his to mask his reaction as an owner of at least a dozen of designer workout shoes.

FACTUAL

Ronald Speirs collects high end sneakers like a bird of paradise would collect colorful rocks and leaves for their mate. He cleans the ones he does wear with a set of tooth brushes. Most remain in their original packaging or in a case in the basement.

Gene doesn’t know about this because he comes from a place where basements don’t exist and livings in constant fear of the room bellow the functional part of their house. 

They both fear the day the other finds out about their secret. 

Luz: I’m gonna need a human skull and I can't have you ask any questions why.

Speirs: only if you also don't ask why

Speirs: *pulls out 7 pristine human skulls* take your pick.

Luz:

Speirs:

Luz: this one is fine

some bob trios:

Harry, Lip, Speirs: Harry, The Third Wheel

Dick, Speirs, Nix: Weirdly Competent Trio? they get shit done really fast and with minimal corrections-- which is weird, considering how goddamn chaotic their work system is

Dick, Speirs, Lip: Dick, The Third Wheel-- only he doesnt always know it. sometimes it's Dick, The Cockblock and when it is, he ALWAYS knows it, does it on purpose, and it pisses Ron and Lip off immensely

Dick, Nix, Harry: Classic Officer Trio, but also: you'd think Harry's the 3rd wheel-- you're wrong. Harry is the Oblivious Cockblock Offering Booze & Poker, Dick is the Third Wheel with Blue Balls, and Nix is the one who can never turn down a good game of poker

Dick, Lip, Nix: the familiar tableu of a spouse impatiently waiting for his husband to stop talking to their friend at the grocery store-- in this case, Lip is the friend, and Nix and Dick are the husbands but whoever does the impatient waiting depends entirely on the day they're having

Nix, Speirs, Harry: the "Our Braincells Are With Our Spouses" club, aka: the "Most Likely To Be Arrested" trio, aka: the "Someone Always Ends Up In The Hospital" gang, aka: the "Leaving Them Unsupervised Is Illegal and Punishable By Law" squad. surprisingly more chaotic energy than the classic mortar squad, ESPECIALLY when drunk

Skip, Penk, Malark: Classic Mortar Squad

Skip, Penk, Bill: Mortar Babies + Proud Daddy Bill

Skip, Malark, Babe: "Babe, no." "Babe, YES!"

Pat, Frank, Grant: XoXo, Gossip Gang

Pat, Bull, Johnny: Bitch Face Trio

Webster, Hoobler, Van Klinken: God help them they have 1/3rd of a braincell each and none of them know how to put it all together to make it work

Babe, Lieb, Grant: love causing mischief, but it’s pg-13 mischief at most bc Grant exudes calm and control. but also: the bane of Ron Speirs' existence. the three of them aren't scared of him so to have them all in one room together infuriates him to no end.

George, Pat, Frank: Let's Bully O'Keefe

Toye, Bill, George: a weird cross between "George, shut the FUCK up!" and #WillDieForGeorgeLuz

Bill, Ralph, Babe: Philly Gang, also: the bane of Eugene Roe's existence

Ralph, Babe, Eugene: too soft, cuddles galore, will probably die for each other if given a chance so maybe don't give them that chance

Babe, Reneé, Eugene: Let's Bully Eugene Into Taking Care of Himself

Babe, Reneé, Ralph: Let's Bully Eugene Into Taking Care of Himself 2.0, but also: #WillDieForBabeHeffron 

Eugene, Dick, Lip: Worried Mama Gang

Bill, Babe, Julian: Bill suddenly finds himself the single father to two teenagers with 0 self-preservation and a #DoItForTheVine attitude

George, Ron, Lip: Ron and George respect each other deeply because they are both willing to die for one Clifford Carwood Lipton. Lip, otoh, would like the both of them to be fucking normal for once in their goddamn lives.

Bill, Johnny, Bull: Exasperated Uncles Too Sober For This Shit Squad. pretty chill, actually. a deep friendship over pints of beers. surprisingly 0 chaos energy

Dick, Nix, Tab: two gay dads and their himbo son

Frank, Penk, George: oh my god who let these three clowns congregate this is DANGEROUS think of Lip's blood pressure for crying out loud-- chaotic energy ×100000000

Skip, Buck, Toye: the Don Malarkey Fan Club

Buck, George, Malarkey: have scammed all of Easy out of their cigarettes, money, and dignity

Webster, Nix, Lieb: Web and Lieb WILL find something to bicker about and Nix WILL find way too much delight in playing devil's advocate just to see how far these two will go to contradict each other

Lip, Speirs, Nix: Nix and Speirs get along too well and Lip is like 99.99% of their impulse control

Pat, Webster, Janovec: Janovec and Web are surprisingly petty and salty together and it feeds Pat's wine-aunt soul to hear them talk shit about ppl who annoy them

Janovec, Tab, Skinny: Horny(TM)

Speirs, Moore, Toye: Feral(TM)

George, Frank, Tab: the instigators of the Easy Company pillow fight

Webster, Lieb, Cobb: have you seen Web and Lieb team up just to bitch at Cobb? it's GLORIOUS

Smokey, Webster, Pat: Cultured Warriors capable of creating some serious masterpieces together... if only they'd stop bickering for five seconds

Hoobler, Shifty, O'Keefe: smol beans who somehow? always manage to pick up smol animals? befriend stray kittens???? disney princess energy?????

Shifty, McClung, Eugene: they don't need to say much to each other to understand each other. in the silence, there is meaning, so in silence they stay. unless of course they have something to bitch about that these city dwellers they're surrounded with can't understand, then it's fair game.

Smokey, Skip, Lip: Let's Bully Lip-- even if Speirs is around because Smoke and Skip are just so unbearably charming in their ribbing even Speirs can't resist cracking a smile

Dick, Tab, Buck: just guys bein' dudes, jocks bein' tough. they talk exclusively in sports analogies

at the end of the day,,,this still scares me

im here for hc that harry - bless his sweet irish soul - is completely blind that his two best friends are very much in love. And i mean like OBLIVIOUS. And everyone else knows that they are a couple and its not even a secret but harry just doesnt see it. Here are examples of what i mean:

- nix and dick are sitting on the sofa, nix attentivly listening to dick, one hand playing with dick’s hair. Harry dismisses it as ‘look, dick works late, he probably has a headache and nix is massaging his head’

- nix and dick are holding hands. Harry says dick often holds nix by the hand probably because the latter would just wonder off god knows where without supervision

- nix and dick are sleeping in the same bed. “Lip you are kidding me, right, sharing a bed doesnt mean anything. I mean the other day i caught you and Ron sleeping on the couch, next thing i know you will be telling me that the two of you are a thing”

Lip:

so long, gay hawkeye compilation (part 2) (part 1)

Speirs: [stomping back from enemy lines]

Smol baby replacements, in awe: Daddy?

Speirs, eyes narrowing: DO I LOOK LIKE—

Luz: Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

Toye: Walk by again.

Luz: I hope you choke.

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