She Wears Her Smile Like A Cloak. No One Knows Of What Lies Beneath. She Either Relishes The Anonymity

An excerpt from an unknown book:

It’s all your fault. You’re the one that pushed them away. You can never just let anybody in.

I cried as the words kept repeating in my head. They were right. It’s all my fault. I always do this. I have no one to blame but myself...

They were there for you. Why did you let them go? Why did you say all of those hurtful things? Don’t you care?

I do care.... But I just... I was just so afraid. I was afraid of losing them that I thought that I should just never have them in order for it to not happen. During that time I felt they just never cared.... I was so wrong. 

You’re a monster. A disgrace.

Those two sentences seem to be screaming at me in my mind as I look at myself in the mirror.

It would be better if you could just die. Everyone would just be happier without you.

As my once silent tears turn into loud sobs I contemplate whether or not I should finally give in. Holding the razer as it seems to be encouraging me to give it all the power it needs to carry out the deadly deed.

Nobody will be hurt when you leave. No one will be sad.

Right before I do the deadly thing a thought shoots across my mind...

Please.... Someone.... Anyone... Help

If you had not suffered as you had, there would be no depth to you as a human being, no humility, no compassion.

Eckhart Tolle (via purplebuddhaquotes)

reblog is it's chill for me to message you and become your best friend

Him. I remember the first time I had met him. I’m not counting the times I saw him around; I’m talking about the first time I actually talked to him. At that time, I hated him. He would always make me mad. Calling me a bitch and pointing out everything I did. From something I had said or simply walking.

Overtime as me and him got to talk more without anyone else around.... I found out we had tons of things in common. (Which was surprising since we were total opposites. Me being the one that got A’s and B’s and him always getting into fights.) He had made me feel like I didn’t need to try so hard. That if those around me really did care about me then they would accept me and all of my faults.

Thinking back, I remember the time when he had saved me and the time he bought me a drink. We would always walk together after school but one day I had to walk by myself since he had detention. He was really upset that he couldn’t walk with me but I kept telling it was fine. While I was walking by myself there were these two guys that were walking not far behind me. I didn’t really pay attention to them until they had started throwing rocks. At first, they weren’t directed towards me but then some of them started to get larger and near my head. 

I turned around and I saw him. He came running as fast as he could. By the time he came up to me the guys were already gone but he was still worried about me. He had asked me if I was okay and then got mad, saying that he should’ve just came with me. By then I had realized that he got out of detention early. I asked him how he did it and he replied by simply saying he couldn’t go that day, giving me a mischievous smirk as he finished his reply. 

Now, when I said he bought me a drink. I don’t mean alcohol. He bought me tea from a gas station we would walk by every day after school... and every time we would pass the gas station he would always try to buy me something. It would usually end with me buying my own drink or having a water for our walk but... that time was different. I really really wanted something to drink and by the time I was grabbing out my money he paid for my tea right in front of me. I tried paying him back but he just gave it back to me....

I had seen his smile nearly every day for as long as I could remember every time I saw him, but I never realized how different it made me feel. He was a good friend, but I had always looked for something new and something exciting. I wanted something... something more than what this small town could offer. But I was starting to think that just maybe he was one of the things I’d be willing to keep from all the humdrum monotony.

But.... I realized this too late when I found out that I could never see him again...

Special thanks to @promptsforthestrugglingauthor for this cool prompt!

Writing Prompt #256

I had seen his smile nearly every day for as long as I could remember, but I never realized how different it made me feel. He was a good friend, but I had always looked for something new and something exciting. I wanted something something more than what this small town could offer. But I was starting to think that just maybe he was one of the things I’d be willing to keep from all the humdrum monotony.

Me when I actually look nice lol

“And I write and I write and I write and nothing says it all.”

– the story of my derailed heart

Missing You

I miss you so much.

I wish I could see you a bunch.

But I have to ask...

Do you miss me too? ‘Cause to me, all of our good memories are in the past.

Death’s Little Shadow (Black Butler various x Oc)

Chapter Two-

"Your time is up Miss. What is your answer?" The mysterious man whispered into the young woman's shaking form; watching her tremble with little sympathy in his heart. As she was making her way to reply she was interrupted again. "Hey guys! I'll check over here!" a woman yelled-jogging over to where the couple was, dragging a man with her. The teen looked as if she had seen the undertaker, that she was going to die right then and there. The young woman felt that everything she had done was all in vain, that all the risks she took were for nothing. She looked up towards the man-his eyes screamed trouble-drawing her to him like a deer in headlights; what choice did she have?

"I-I will work for you! I will, I promise, just please save me from those people! I don't want to go back! I can't!" The girl begged, sobbing as she was tired and wanted to just be done with all of this. The mysterious man kissed her on the lips while putting his coat on her, it was then that she had realized the man had stopped pinning her to the wall. 

“With pleasure," the lime-green-eyed man whispered into the young woman's ear, he walked in front of her to talk to the couple blocking their way out of the alleyway.

He made sure that the girl couldn't be seen well before he looked at the poor unfortunate couple; the mysterious man cast a wicked smile at them, a certain gleam in his eyes that the girl couldn't put her finger on.

"May I help you with something? Is it a lovely night to be out no? My betrothed and I were just taking a stroll." The man said in a high-pitched, an eerie tone in his voice as he wrapped his arm around the young woman. At this moment the teen realized what this man was going to do. Is he really going to do that?!?! He'll get himself killed! What is this oaf thinking?!?! The girl thought as she watched the two converse. If he even is able to take these two buffoons, how is he going take the rest?!?!

The woman replied, "Yes, I agree. It truly is a wonderful night to be out but for me and my fellow friends it isn't." "Why is that Miss?" The mysterious man asked as if he was truly clueless about what was going on, still using that weird voice. "We come out here to come look for a child that just recently ran away, a stupid one at that. The little thing just doesn't know how to listen." The woman said, her voice dripping with annoyance as she dragged on, making it seem as if she truly despised the child they were looking for. 

The woman looked towards the girl, trying to see her face. The mysterious man had a hood on his coat and had made sure it was up before the two had came up to them. The woman started to talk again as she walked towards the shivering teen. "Why hasn't your lady spoken at all yet? Is there something wrong? How come she has a man's coat on and the hood is up?"

The poor young woman started to worry, every ounce of her body started to shake, trembling to the point where the head would surely fall off if she looked up-until the mysterious man stepped in front of them. "I apologize for my betrothed being mute. She just doesn't do well with new people seeing as she is terribly shy. She doesn't like to show her face to people because she fears their judgment about her looks. Now, what does this child look like? Maybe we have seen the little thing?"

"Oh! Well, I'm sorry for pressuring you Miss, I'm pretty sure that you look lovely no matter what anyone says. The child is a girl that has waist-long dark brown hair. She has dark brown eyes and has tan skin." The woman raised her right hand to where it was right on top of the girl's head. "And she is this tall. It's been a pain to look for her."

The man that had been with the woman was peering down at the girl, he had a look of suspicion as he studied her. He looked to be 6'5" while the woman seemed to be 5'6". The man had black hair while the woman had light brown hair that started to have hints of gray in it. While the woman looked chubby, the man was buff but lean; they both had pale skin.

Something seemed to click in the man's mind as he leaned down and whispered into the woman's ear. He looked at the girl as he said this and pointed toward her feet. The young woman and the mysterious man looked. There was a pair of shackles and part of chains. The woman looked at the girl and mysterious man with a disgusted look. 

She grabbed the girl by her arm forcefully as she pulled the hood down. They all gasped except for the mysterious man. Well, this man and I are going to die. There is no way he and I are going to be able to fight these two off. I-I'm sorry guys, I didn't want your efforts to go to waste... I failed you guys, I'm sorry...

Tidal Waves

It looks oh so blue,

Rushing up the beach

Seeming like it’s trying to comfort me and you.

Never being too far from our reach.

It always gives off a sort of longing,

Even when we feel content.

And when this happens, it seems like there is something missing.

Which causes us to vent.

As we vent through and through,

It causes us to feel as if we are lost in a cave.

Trying to find our way out of it without a single clue.

Oh how they keep us spinning, those blue tidal waves.

Dear Me

Dear Me,

How did you do it?

How did you become free?

I really hope you aren’t a spirit.

How did we get out of this pickle?

Where we’re the ones stuck in the middle.\Did we fight the fight?

Or just hold our fist in our mouth and bite?

What does it feel like to be free?

To be out of this “humble abode.”

Who did it appease?

Us or that monster we’ve named as our dark mode?

As I’m writing this letter,

I hope you will show me the way to go.

That someday all of this will get better

and that one day I can stop this freak show.

Dear me,

Please help me become free.