Hey

I’m Sorry

I'm sorry for all of the things I have done. It's never helped me or anyone. I'm sorry for lying to you. I've never purposely done what I do... I'm sorry for never going the extra mile... And only giving you fake smiles. I'm sorry for never telling you how I feel. I just hate "getting real..." Because to me, I feel like I can't trust anyone. And I know I "can't blame anybody when it's me" and "what's done is done." I'm sorry for never truly being happy... And always being so snappy. I'm so sorry for always doing things in slow motion. It's just that most of the time I'm void of any emotions. I'm sorry for making you think I don't care... But to be honest... All these fights with you are so hard to bear.

Be who you are and say what you feel…

Some of the words you’ll find within yourself, the rest some power will inspire you to say.

Homer

Death’s Little Shadow (Black Butler various x Oc)

Chapter Two-

"Your time is up Miss. What is your answer?" The mysterious man whispered into the young woman's shaking form; watching her tremble with little sympathy in his heart. As she was making her way to reply she was interrupted again. "Hey guys! I'll check over here!" a woman yelled-jogging over to where the couple was, dragging a man with her. The teen looked as if she had seen the undertaker, that she was going to die right then and there. The young woman felt that everything she had done was all in vain, that all the risks she took were for nothing. She looked up towards the man-his eyes screamed trouble-drawing her to him like a deer in headlights; what choice did she have?

"I-I will work for you! I will, I promise, just please save me from those people! I don't want to go back! I can't!" The girl begged, sobbing as she was tired and wanted to just be done with all of this. The mysterious man kissed her on the lips while putting his coat on her, it was then that she had realized the man had stopped pinning her to the wall. 

“With pleasure," the lime-green-eyed man whispered into the young woman's ear, he walked in front of her to talk to the couple blocking their way out of the alleyway.

He made sure that the girl couldn't be seen well before he looked at the poor unfortunate couple; the mysterious man cast a wicked smile at them, a certain gleam in his eyes that the girl couldn't put her finger on.

"May I help you with something? Is it a lovely night to be out no? My betrothed and I were just taking a stroll." The man said in a high-pitched, an eerie tone in his voice as he wrapped his arm around the young woman. At this moment the teen realized what this man was going to do. Is he really going to do that?!?! He'll get himself killed! What is this oaf thinking?!?! The girl thought as she watched the two converse. If he even is able to take these two buffoons, how is he going take the rest?!?!

The woman replied, "Yes, I agree. It truly is a wonderful night to be out but for me and my fellow friends it isn't." "Why is that Miss?" The mysterious man asked as if he was truly clueless about what was going on, still using that weird voice. "We come out here to come look for a child that just recently ran away, a stupid one at that. The little thing just doesn't know how to listen." The woman said, her voice dripping with annoyance as she dragged on, making it seem as if she truly despised the child they were looking for. 

The woman looked towards the girl, trying to see her face. The mysterious man had a hood on his coat and had made sure it was up before the two had came up to them. The woman started to talk again as she walked towards the shivering teen. "Why hasn't your lady spoken at all yet? Is there something wrong? How come she has a man's coat on and the hood is up?"

The poor young woman started to worry, every ounce of her body started to shake, trembling to the point where the head would surely fall off if she looked up-until the mysterious man stepped in front of them. "I apologize for my betrothed being mute. She just doesn't do well with new people seeing as she is terribly shy. She doesn't like to show her face to people because she fears their judgment about her looks. Now, what does this child look like? Maybe we have seen the little thing?"

"Oh! Well, I'm sorry for pressuring you Miss, I'm pretty sure that you look lovely no matter what anyone says. The child is a girl that has waist-long dark brown hair. She has dark brown eyes and has tan skin." The woman raised her right hand to where it was right on top of the girl's head. "And she is this tall. It's been a pain to look for her."

The man that had been with the woman was peering down at the girl, he had a look of suspicion as he studied her. He looked to be 6'5" while the woman seemed to be 5'6". The man had black hair while the woman had light brown hair that started to have hints of gray in it. While the woman looked chubby, the man was buff but lean; they both had pale skin.

Something seemed to click in the man's mind as he leaned down and whispered into the woman's ear. He looked at the girl as he said this and pointed toward her feet. The young woman and the mysterious man looked. There was a pair of shackles and part of chains. The woman looked at the girl and mysterious man with a disgusted look. 

She grabbed the girl by her arm forcefully as she pulled the hood down. They all gasped except for the mysterious man. Well, this man and I are going to die. There is no way he and I are going to be able to fight these two off. I-I'm sorry guys, I didn't want your efforts to go to waste... I failed you guys, I'm sorry...

“And I write and I write and I write and nothing says it all.”

– the story of my derailed heart

If you stand for nothing, Burr, what’ll you fall for?

Arron Burr from the Hamilton Soundtrack

No

No.

I never meant to push you away.

To build up all these walls

and forcing myself to believe that everything was okay....

Making you think I don’t care at all.

Never.

I never wanted to hurt you.

I just never met anybody so nice...

because all I knew

was that people came with a price.

Stop.

I need to stop these feelings

that keep reminding me of what I miss.

I wish I could stop all of the wrong things I keep doing....

The things that keep dragging me deeper into this abyss.

Don’t.

Don’t say I “deserve happiness.”...

because I know very well that’s not true.

You don’t know that I really am a mess

because I made sure there was never really any proof.

Won’t.

I will never forgive myself.

For all of the wrong things I have done.

Forever locked away in this cell.

Never able to freely tell everything to anyone.

Can’t.

I feel like I can’t stop this monster

that keeps making me feel less human....

I keep telling it I have nothing else to offer.

Yet it never listens even when I say it over and over again.

None.

This monster called madness is always there.

Never not being so rough.

Making life so hard to bear.

Always feeling like I’m never enough.

..... I give up.

reblog is it's chill for me to message you and become your best friend

Hate

As I stare at you

my anger and sadness increase manifold.

Someone that I thought I knew...

Yet I stand corrected as I’m forever stuck in your hold.

Looking at you reminds me of the hate

that I have for you as you look back at me with sadness.

I hate it when you give me that look. If you could just die that’d be great...

But you can’t because you’re me.... God, what a mess.

I wish I could just punch you in the face.

‘Cause it makes me relieved when I see you in pain.

To me, you’re such a disgrace...

and I hate that anything I do or say will never give me any sort of gain.

I hate that you’re me.

Which may be hard to believe....

I’m sorry for never giving us any peace...

But that’s I think when you come to see me.

Changing

No one ever said changing for the better would be easy. Sometimes, I wish I could go back to doing the things that I used to but…. When I look back at those times, I realize the same thing over and over again. There’s no point in doing something that will just hurt you more in the end.

If someone asked me what I thought about myself a month ago, I would’ve told them: “I wish I could die but not really.” Being asked the same question now, I answer with: “it’s complicated. It’s hard respecting and fully loving myself while being constantly told what my faults are.” I want more for myself. I want to care. Sure, this is actually a new thing for me. I’ll be honest with you; it’s weird and sometimes I think it’s pointless. I’m not really one for showing those closest to me how I really feel. I’m so used to hiding my feelings that now when I try to express myself it can be misunderstood.

Nowadays I am taking care of myself more and focusing on myself which has caused me to stop doing the things that I used to. I feel bad for the people I used to talk to because I never got to explain anything to them. I just had left them without saying goodbye. Sometimes I wish I could tell them what’s been going on and how I am doing but then I remember one minor detail. They don’t care about me nor will they ever. 

No matter how much I wish this wasn’t true it is…. And inevitably, I’m alone during this self-transformation for the better.