Free (A Short Poem)

7/24/17

“I cannot fix on the hour, or the spot, or the look or the words, which laid the foundation. It is too long ago. I was in the middle before I knew that I had begun.”

The meaning of life is finding your gift. The purpose of life is to give it away.

Annonymous

Our Lord has deigned to explain this mystery to me. He showed me the book of nature, and I understood that every flower created by Him is beautiful, that the brilliance of the rose and the whiteness of the lily do not lessen the perfume of the violet or the sweet simplicity of the daisy. I understood that if all the lowly flowers wished to be roses, nature would lose its springtide beauty, and the fields would no longer be enameled with lovely hues. And so it is in the world of souls, Our Lord’s living garden. He has been pleased to create great Saints who may be compared to the lily and the rose, but He has also created lesser ones, who must be content to be daisies or simple violets flowering at His Feet, and whose mission it is to gladden His Divine Eyes when He deigns to look down on them. And the more gladly they do His Will the greater is their perfection….. As the sun shines both on the cedar and on the floweret, so the Divine Sun illumines every soul, great and small, and all correspond to His care—just as in nature the seasons are so disposed that on the appointed day the humblest daisy shall unfold its petals.

Saint Therese

You

I like you... But I also don’t like you. You help me up when I am down. Yet you also make me frown.

You always seem to make me smile, I wish I could see you for more than “just a little while.” When you aren’t around, you are always in my head. It makes me feel like this is the beginning of the end.

You make me want to do better for myself. But you also make me want to build a stronger shell. I hate how you easily influence the way I think or do... I guess that’s one of the things I like about you.

No

No.

I never meant to push you away.

To build up all these walls

and forcing myself to believe that everything was okay....

Making you think I don’t care at all.

Never.

I never wanted to hurt you.

I just never met anybody so nice...

because all I knew

was that people came with a price.

Stop.

I need to stop these feelings

that keep reminding me of what I miss.

I wish I could stop all of the wrong things I keep doing....

The things that keep dragging me deeper into this abyss.

Don’t.

Don’t say I “deserve happiness.”...

because I know very well that’s not true.

You don’t know that I really am a mess

because I made sure there was never really any proof.

Won’t.

I will never forgive myself.

For all of the wrong things I have done.

Forever locked away in this cell.

Never able to freely tell everything to anyone.

Can’t.

I feel like I can’t stop this monster

that keeps making me feel less human....

I keep telling it I have nothing else to offer.

Yet it never listens even when I say it over and over again.

None.

This monster called madness is always there.

Never not being so rough.

Making life so hard to bear.

Always feeling like I’m never enough.

..... I give up.

Me when I actually look nice lol

Her

She was his sun. Until she had said, “I’m done.” For her, everything became clear. That he never meant it when he called her “Dear.”

From there, something had ignited. Ever since that first thought had brightened. That little spark of madness made itself known when he forced her to clean up his mess.

Now she does everything with pride. Showing this with each stride. Becoming happier than she ever knew. Yet no one had a clue....

That even though at that time she had felt dead inside; She had become wise when he unknowingly opened up her eyes.

Strange as it may seem, I still hope for the best, even though the best, like an interesting piece of mail, so rarely arrives, and even when it does it can be lost so easily.

Lemony Snicket (via quotemadness)