I…I Read This Wrong. I Read It With The Song “your Heart Is A Muscle, The Size Of Your First, Keep

My old man once said to me, "your thoughts are so random and unconnected. We were just talking about the carnival- how did you get started on wasps?"

So, I told him, "they're not unconnected- we were talking about going to the carnival, and the carnival is on the same fairgrounds they used to use for the rodeo, and one time at the rodeo my brother spilled sprite on himself and a bee went up his shirt and stung him, and bees die when they sting, but wasps don't, and I was wondering why, so I asked you."

And he said, "that makes no sense," and for the life of me I can't understand how anyone thinks of anything if not by this exact process

I quickly did this venn diagram to prove a point to my friends - feel free to add / alter anything lmao

not 2 exaggerate but the good place’s thesis of “if the modern pressures of life were removed, we would inherently seek out opportunities to learn and become better and kinder people” is a more interesting and valuable thing to say about society than anything that’s ever been said about cell phones

Honestly Charles’ morals are the least sexy thing about him he could be controlling politicians into passing laws to keep mutants safe left and right without messing with their autonomy outside of that but “noooo Erik that’s wrooong”

“I don’t want to do any eyebrow twitching or mustache twiddling. I don’t want to do sort of like a charactertured villain.  I’ve tried very much to make Loki psychologically plausible. Someone who’s damaged and very, very intelligent  and is able to sow the seeds of deceit.” — Tom Hiddleston

Good Omens Fic Recs Masterpost

(aka, I wanted to organize all my favs so I might as well share them) (No smut fics on this list bc that is extremely not my jam. I’m on the asexual relationship train all the way with these two. There are some very Vague Implications in a couple of these but no more than that.) UPDATE: PART 2 HERE: https://flameraven.tumblr.com/post/613697745862230016/good-omens-fic-rec-masterpost-part-two

Wingfic

Birds of a Feather - Kedreeva // Short wingfic collection

If We’ve Got Nothing, We’ve Got Us - Kedreeva // After the apocalypse, Aziraphale and Crowley find their feathers coming in grey.

With Drooping Wings - werebear // (hurt/comfort) - Crowley gets drunk, remembers some trauma, and has a nightmare. Aziraphale comforts him.

by flash and thunder fire I’ll survive - jessikast // Crowley and Aziraphale discuss wings and snakes and winged snakes. There are cuddles.

When in Rome - Kedreeva // Aziraphale teaches Crowley to read, and Crowley shares a secret.

In All Things, Balance - Kedreeva // Gabriel comes for the ineffable husbands, and the universe gets some recalibrating.

One Last Thing -TheLadyZephyr // Crowley has a bit of trouble falling asleep

The Soft Zone 

A Sky Full of Stars - Kedreeva // Aziraphale takes Crowley as close to Heaven as they can get, these days.

get religion quick (’cause you’re looking divine) - brinnanza

lift your face the western way - brinnanza

Build Our Kingdom - Mackem // Crowley and Aziraphale finally go on that picnic

exhale - darcylindbergh // Crowley wakes up, and for the first time, he’s not alone

when the earth is trembling - stammiviktor // Crowley cooks Aziraphale dinner and takes him on a date

from madrid to heaven - darkavenue

An Honest Surrender - Kedreeva // Aziraphale and Crowley get married (though not in the way humans mean)

Constellations -worldinmymind // Stargazing and confessions

Shall I Stay (Would It Be a Sin?) - WinterSky101 // Aziraphale stays at Crowley’s for the night

And I’ve Waited For You - ineffablefool // Aziraphale finally catches up to Crowley

A Descriptive Study on Angel Kisses by Anthony J. Crowley -smudgesofink

Pompeii under Vesuvius -smudgesofink // The first time Aziraphale reaches for his hand and holds it, Crowley experiences a slow sort of meltdown

a picture’s worth a thousand words -pyrrhic_victory // Crowley takes Aziraphale to the National Gallery and submits to the mortifying ordeal of trying to compliment him.

All This and Heaven Too - rattatatosk // Aziraphale reassures Crowley that they’re finally on the same page (with cuddles)

Never Doubt - Mackem // Crowley takes Aziraphale to see Hamlet.

I love you (it’s okay) - forineffablereasons // The absence of terror is the terrifying thing.

let us cling together -brinnanza

Ready -lady_divine_writes - They don’t touch right away.

Warm and Fuzzy -returnsandreturns // The husbands meet Newt and Anathema’s daughter

Pet Names -thisvictoriangirl

Used to Wanting -acuteangleaziraphale

Names, Pet and Otherwise - elsajeni

Crowley sees Aziraphale - acuteangleaziraphale // Crowley sees Aziraphale in the sunrise and it reminds him what it means to worship.

I’m Going Home - Frenchibi // Aziraphale can’t believe how lucky he is.

Blessings - humanityinahandbag // Aziraphale blesses Crowley to keep him safe.

Husbands - victorianfantasywatson

Coiling - forineffablereasons // Crowley stakes his claim

Snake!Crowley / Wiggleverse

You’re the Only Prayer I Need - Kedreeva / Aziraphale stumbles on Crowley as he’s preparing to shed.

let sleeping snakes lie - kythen // Crowley takes an extended nap after the end of the world

Today I Met a Cryptid -thelibrarina // an encounter with a bookseller and his pet snake.

Getting a Wiggle On - Kedreeva // Crowley attempts to prank Aziraphale. It does not go to plan.

In Which a Rose by Any Other Name Would Smell as Sweet - OlwynnDylluan // The sneklets are named.

In Which Crowley Does Not Expect a Family Outing - OlwynnDylluan // The family goes on a picnic in the park.

In Which the Kitten Does Not Get Et Because Aziraphale Is a Textual Purist -OlwynnDylluan // (Wiggleverse) Aziraphale tells the sneklets a bedtime story

In Which the Children Are Indisposed and Aziraphale Panics -OlwynnDylluan // The sneklets experience their first shed. (Also the only one of these - so far- in which Crowley is an actual snake.)

Hurt/Comfort

Pear-Shaped - smarshtastic // Crowley is hurt and goes to Aziraphale for help. (also wingfic)

In the (Second) Beginning - cherryfeather // The inevitable aftermath as all of the week’s trauma catches up to Crowley.

above us, only sky - stammiviktor // With the War looming, Aziraphale and Crowley have to confront the terrible possibility they might have to fight each other. (Don’t) Say My Name - CosmicOcelot // Crowley gets trapped in a summoning circle by an all too human sort of monster.

Hell to Pay - battle_cat // Crowley’s lot do not, in fact, send rude notes.

Burnt - flamethrower // Or, How Did Crowley Survive Consecrated Ground, anyway?

Angst (With a Happy Ending)

Just One Yesterday - Kedreeva // Crowley and Aziraphale fail to stop the Apocalypse the first time ‘round, but they manage in the end.

we’re not out of the tunnel, I bet you though there’s an end - mygalfriday // Crowley thought his last words to Aziraphale were “I won’t even think about you!”

I Will Take This Weight to Hell - buttface // Crowley struggles to cope after they survive the end of the world.

how deep the sand -Handful_of_Silence // Have you read Sandman? Remember that glass bottle Dream got trapped in? Aziraphale gets trapped in something similar. It goes about as you’d expect. (Very angsty, definitely worth it though. Part 2 is significantly more comfort than hurt.)

Cry for Absolution - forthegreatergood // Crowley is convinced he cannot touch Aziraphale without causing him pain. (wingfic)

it’s high time that you love me, cause you do it so well - mygalfriday // Crowley cannot say the word ‘love’. So he shows Aziraphale instead.

it was only a kiss - pyrrhic_victory // Aziraphale has never been kissed before, and, assuming Crowley has a lot of experience, asks him to demonstrate. Misunderstandings are had.

the wonder that keeps the stars apart -nilmiel // Crowley, Aziraphale and two encounters with Holy Water, fifty years apart

This Feeling Calls for Everything (I am not) - rattatatosk // Crawly is struck speechless by Aziraphale in Eden. By Rome, he knows he’s lost.

we both matter, don’t we? -ToEdenAndBackAgain // After the bookshop burns, Crowley goes to yell at God

Replacement - rainydaydecaf // Hell replaces Crowley as their agent on Earth.

Outsider POV

Good Omens/The Magnus Archives - Handful_of_Silence // 6+ fic series, crossover. Generally follows the format of the Magnus Archives, a horror fiction podcast documenting encounters with unusual phenomena. Featuring eldritch!horror Aziraphale and Crowley

Adventures In Attempting To Purchase A Book From That Weird Old Soho Bookshop, A. Z.  Fell & Co.

 So You Need To Get Into A.Z. Fell & Co.; Now What? (A Guide For Unfortunate Bookworms)

Long Term - idiopathicsmile // Observations from the minister hired to officiate the wedding

Regulars - irisbluefic // Various outsider observances of the duo

a snake by any other name - asideofourown // a young herpetologist spots an unusual snake in AZ Fell’s bookshop and has to investigate.

Other/Uncategorized

such surpassing brightness - Handful_of_Silence // Aziraphale as Patron Saint of queer self-acceptance

it’s the light (it’s the obstacle that casts it) -Handful_of_Silence // The Patron Saint of London’s LGBT Community is real, and he lives in Soho.

a very near understanding - ballentine/FeoplePeel - Aziraphale and Crowley experience some side-effects from their body swap.Hell

To Forgive, Divine - rattatatosk // Crowley didn’t mean to Fall, and he didn’t ask to be Forgiven, but both those things happened anyway. Character study on a Risen Crowley

Champions (of the World) - phlintandsteel // Aziraphale, Crowley, and the forces of Humanity face off against Heaven and Hell

Me: *scrolls and sees a Rape/Non-Con tagged fanfic.*