Yk What I Find Really Funny?, The Batfamily And Danny Phantom's Crossovers Fics, I Fr Don't Know Where

such a stupid guy (I love him)

As a artist

Ik Damian be crashing tf out

Damian:*muffled screaming from upstairs*

Duke: what the fuck was that..

Steph: oh thats just Damian in his art studio

Duke: isn't art supposed to be relaxing??..

Steph: 🤷🏼‍♀️

Damian: *yelling* I FUCKING HATE COLOR THEORY *window smashes*

This came to me in a dream so bare with me people

Bruce gets a boyfriend/girlfriend or whatever just to keep the media at bay or something along those lines. But then… he actually kinda likes them??

And Bruce is confused as everyone else is about it but he isn’t gonna look a gift horse in the mouth (or whatever that saying is) and he starts genuinely going out with him

His kids and everyone who knows his secret identity are rightfully cautious about it. I mean, Bruce doesn’t have the best track record with relationships, but as long as the man is happy. They just hope there won’t be too much push back when Bruce inevitably blows it up 

They love Bruce but literally no one has any faith in him to keep the relationship for long. They’re are very obviously doubting him and it makes Bruce feel discouraged but he tries not to show it

And then one day, Bruce is having a jolly good time at a gala (at least pretending to) and he gets called by his partner. He’s talking to the cameras and suddenly his partner calls him. His face lights up and the press kinda pressure him to put the call on speaker.

Everyone’s seen his partner, in fact, they seem to soak up the media presence like a sponge. Bruce logically doesn’t think they’ll mind, but just in case he wants to tell them immediately

He accepts the call and before he can get a word out, his partner is saying the most vile and ridiculous things to him.

Dude talks about how he’s disappointed that Bruce hasn’t had sex with him yet and how he never expected the Brucie Wayne to be such a prude and stop his advances. He’s says that the only reason why he put up with Bruce was to get into his pants and since they’ve been dating for five months with no action, it wasn’t worth it anymore. Dudes already been getting action from someone else and he hangs up without letting Bruce say a thing

Bruce’s entire face falls and he’s genuinely devastated. The gala goes quiet and Bruce excuses himself, embarrassed and heartbroken.

He’s trying to stop himself from crying but he just experienced his first real heartbreak in a long time that absolutely wasn’t his fault

His family say is not his fault but Bruce doesn’t believe them because he’s conditioned himself to believe that everything is his fault and he knows that didn’t believe in him in the first place

That’s it

Yknow when you meet someone who has the same accent/speech patterns as you in a place where you weren’t expecting them to, and you both start just repeating eachother and getting gradually more excited?

Yeah, I need that with Steph, Jason and Duke, kids who grew up in lower class Gotham where there is very distinctive accents between upper class people and people who grew up in the Narrows or Park row. Just, imagine:

Jason, walking into the Batcave: Ayup.

Dick: Hiya!

Tim: hi

Bruce: Hm

Damian: Hello.

Steph: Ayup!

Jason:

Steph: *not paying attention*

Jason: 😧

Jason: Ayup?

Steph: *snapping head up* Ayup?????

Jason: *excitement* Ayup Stephanie!

Steph: AYUP JASON!

Jason: AYYYYYYYYYUP

Duke: *entering the cave* Ayup gang

Steph: 😮🫣

Jason: 😧🥳

Steph: AYUP DUKE

Jason: AYUP LAD AYUP

Duke: *confusion, surprise, joy* …Ayup?

S + J: AYUP

Duke: AYUP

just repeating till their all stood in a circle muttering.

Everyone else is just staring in concern

Will: *constantly paranoid, hallucinating visually and audibly, having seizures, and has a job that exposes him to extremely traumatic events that trigger all of these things*

Jack: “best man I’ve got. Absolutely nothing wrong with that guy”

Pure Brain rot. I don’t know why I made this. Maybe it’s bc I haven’t taken my meds or the summer heats just getting to me.

“Are you here all night?” Jason asked, “or are you planning to, you know, be a human? I think those go home sometimes.”

High above Jason’s head, a swarm of bats entered the cave, winding among the stalactites and screeching a kind of garbled response.

Dick, however, said nothing. He remained bent over one of the long tables on the cavern floor, examining a map Jason could barely see from his own seat a short distance behind, ignoring Jason and his sarcasm both. 

Jason didn’t enjoy being ignored. 

Fine. 

“I have some tasks you could take over,” he suggested, in his least helpful voice, “if you’re in the market for an excuse to keep working. I know you make those sometimes.”

Nothing.

“I have some weapons to clean, if you want to do that. You could type out all my old cases, if that works, because I only have the originals and those are hard to work with.”

Still nothing.

“Take out the trash?” Jason tried. “Wash the dishes? I put a load of laundry in a couple of hours ago, but there’s a wool jacket in the mix, so be careful what you put in the dryer.”

Dick didn’t move. Jason was enjoying himself now.

“Write a sonnet? Map the White House?” Jason held up a finger Dick couldn’t see, like he had just remembered something interesting. “I think there’s a library on 8th that exploded a few days back, so if you could just grab the rubble from the street and rebuild it by hand, that would be great.”

No reaction. 

“Whatever,” said Jason, “I’m out of here. Get some sleep maybe? I know the whole work-to-outrun-despair routine is your ‘thing,’ or whatever, but it never looks good on you. Have you considered—”

Jason cut himself off as Dick finally turned away from the table. Looking him in the eye, Jason felt suddenly and inexplicably afraid. 

“Go on,” said Dick, quietly.

Seguir leyendo

I fu king love him so bad help.

Something I haven’t seen discussed much (perhaps I’ve just missed where it’s being talked about) is that Edwin’s escape from hell must have been an iterative process, and what survival instinct and strength of hope it took to achieve it.

At least 3 different entities “owned” him while he was down there, the baby doll spider had him for decades but seems not to have had him the whole time - but it chased them right to the door of Hell when he and Charles escaped together the second time.

He must have been back and forth and back and forth and back and forth. He would have had to figure out the layers of hell and the path from scratch. He would have taken wrong turns, suffered the torments. From his notes, he seems to have ended up in Avarice at least once. I’m pretty certain he’s the one who created that hidden hole in the wall. I wonder how many years it took him to do that. I wonder if he only got the chance to start after the spider owned him because it doesn’t seem sapient in the same way the demons did.

He figured out the hard way why not to ring that bell. I wonder how many times he made it to the Lobby before he was caught, and how many times he only got as far as gluttony or lower down. I wonder if he made it halfway up the staircase before and was dragged back, which is why he made Charles stop to talk when he did.

Maybe he made it to the lobby the 56th, 57th, 58th and 61st attempt, but not the ones in between. Maybe he despaired when he failed at it twice in a row. I wonder, after the first years of being nothing but a frightened teenager in a terrifying place, how many chunks of years he lost in the middle to defeat and hopelessness before deciding to try yet again. No wonder Esther wants to eat his soul so bad, you don’t find strength like that every day

Mullet ver. 😥

LMFAOOOOO DUKE'S ONE 😭😭😭😭 not lying when i say I literally burst out laughing

people don't talk enough about how fucking funny it is that bruce can sub in his kids as batman when he's too busy. like can you imagine it from the league's perspective? imagine you have this really mysterious, geniusly scary guy that you know next to nothing about, never cracks a smile and yet always comes out on top, and one day he shows up to a league meeting and there's just something... off. about him.

you can't pin it down because he's literally acting exactly the same as usual and there's no reason to think there's anything wrong, but maybe he shifted in his seat one to many times, or he looked just a tad bit too bored during green lantern's case review, but something's just... odd. so you quietly ask superman after the meeting if anything's up with the bat bcs you know those two are closer and also clark can hear heartbeats so if something's wrong surely he'll pick it up? and without hesitation he leans over to you and mumbles 'yeah batman was busy, that's his 17 yr old son. he's a crime lord and kills people sometimes though so we're not allowed to let him into the weapons department.' and then walks away like it's normal.

like the whiplash the league must go through every time they realise that no, this is not their fearless dark and brooding leader, this is in fact one of his dipshit kids being forced to sub in bcs the real batman broke an ankle, is incredible.

wonder woman: so that's my proposed plan, what are your thoughts batman?

batman: hn. i think that- *voice raising two octaves* oh shit hold on my phones buzzing

the league:

batman, answering the phone and immediately dropping the Bat Posture™: what do you mean- aw come on little wing that's not fair! but- no, NO DON'T YOU DARE TELL ALFRED I'LL BEAT THE SHIT OUT OF YOU- IM SORRY OK I'LL BUY YOU MORE- *catches sight of the league watching him, baffled* *stiffens* ok listen i promise to replace them but i gotta go, please show me mercy iloveyoubye *hangs up*

the league:

batman:

batman: *coughs awkwardly*

superman: *sighs*

batman, to superman: ...red hood found out i ate his chocolate pretzels-

superman, shaking his head: just... just stop.

the flash: so this isn't batman either, is it?

wonder woman: if this one's also a criminal im losing my mind.

superman, tiredly: no no, this one isn't a criminal. this one's actually a cop.

batman: *sinks down in his seat* b's gonna kill me

green lantern, mystified: where does he keep GETTING you all from!?

'batman' dick, who made a pact with jason to Always Fuck With Bruce Whenever The Opportunity Arises: batman is a whore.

they think they've finally sussed out all 2 of batman's kids and then one day during a meeting 'batman' ends up on a 30 minute rant about different hacking methods this tech villain could be using that results in him half way through a sentence breaking off to say '-oh uncle clark could you pass me that pen- thanks, anyway so-' and then five minutes after that when the league have all been exchanging incredulous looks he finally freezes and is like. SHIT.

wonder woman: you're different from the other two, aren't you?

batman: maybe i am maybe i'm not, you can't prove it.

wonder woman:

green lantern: so like, are you new or have you just managed to avoid sub duty up until now?

superman, coughing: actually, this is this ones ninth occasion of replacing batman. you've just never realised before.

the league:

batman: yeah actually the other two are kinda mad i lasted longer than them...

the flash: how the fuck does he keep getting kids with the exact same build as him!??!?

'batman' tim, spent 20 minutes padding the suit out so he would look the part, still mad that bruce keeps palming WE work off on him: oh he forces us to take steroids for it.

the league, concerned:

superman, pinching the bridge of his nose: now come on red robin-

batman, fully tearing up and looking distraught: PLEASE uncle clark, it HURTS, you can't keep COVERING FOR HIM!

superman, frantically to the league: this one lies.

bonus

the league, squinting at batman:

the league: ...

superman: *head in his hands, too disappointed to do anything*

the league: *silently exchanging looks, wondering if anybody's brave enough to say anything*

duke as batman, fully aware this is fucking stupid but jason and tim fell on the floor laughing when dick came up with the idea and frankly, he wanted to see if anybody would have to guts to call him out: so, are we all ready to start the meeting?