Me [coming To Terms With A Truth About Myself]: Hm.....................................................

Here is another diatribe intended for my roleplay blog:

This is a small essay that I originally typed on this post, but I didn't want to bog down the actual dash game post, so here we go, with the points numbered for easier reference.

♜ WHICH CHESS PIECE ARE YOU? ♖

White Rook

You are a White Rook. (1) As a piece that can move inwards and outwards, you're a master of self-reflection. (2) You know what needs to be done and when to do it. (3) You're a protector, and would willingly take someone's place in danger in a heartbeat because you know you can handle the pressure. (4) But even castle walls crumble. For all your chivalry and fortitude, everything must come to an end. Will you be there to see the final stages of the war? Or will you have already been discarded in the battle?

To clarify, I answered this one as though it was after being freed from the Absolute and that had been traveling with a good-inclined group of adventurers for the events of the game. And all of this would absolutely apply, though one wouldn't think so, at first, but that will be for another post. I had started explaining here and it turned into a mini-essay.

As a piece that can move inwards and outwards, you're a master of self-reflection. When not delusional due to the influence of the Absolute, Nere is his own worst critic. He remembers everything he has ever done wrong or 'failed' in his entire life. He is extremely harsh with himself and even perceived failings. His whole insistence on "Nere. Does Not. Fail." boils down to him nearly having a meltdown over Trauma [ Within my own personal storyline, this is also because the last thing he remembers his older brother saying to him before he never saw him again was, "I'm sorry that I failed you." ].

You know what needs to be done and when to do it. He is a very logical and strategic person. Though I had to mess up his INT stat a bit for the companion version so his main stats [ STR, DEX, CON ] could be right, he is also quite intelligent, and he has used it to great effect to remain alive. My version of Nere--based upon his canon stats and feats--was essentially a gladiator prior to escaping from that life only to wind up a fighter for another group. He was definitely a Battle Master fighter, always using his brain in conjunction with his impressive strength and build.

You're a protector, and would willingly take someone's place in danger in a heartbeat because you know you can handle the pressure. This part probably seems the most questionable at face value, but consider it like this: To have been treated as he was for the entirety of his life... only to then be treated well by people who have absolutely no obligation to him? Who, by all rights, could have simply killed him and walked away, never having to think of him again? All of that [misplaced/misled] devotion previously given to the matriarchs and the Weaver, didn't just vanish. Were he to find people worthy of it, he would absolutely risk his life if it saved theirs. While he absolutely hated his circumstances within the society of Lolth-sworn and thought that he could be so much More, he is absolutely geared towards wholehearted, soul-crushing devotion, as he was still devoted to 'the Weaver' before the Absolute stole him away, despite everything he had suffered. And when the Absolute does get him, he is just as devoted to this 'new deity'. "I have been entrusted with a sacred mission. I cannot fail," he says if you tell him that he can report his own failures, clearly both proud that he had been given such a mission and prideful that someone would say he failed. And then this conversation can occur if you kill all of the duergar before freeing Nere [ hint: killing the duergar first is also how you save both the gnomes--aside from the one that is now cutscene locked to die who wasn't originally--as well as Nere ]: Tav: I was abducted by mind flayers. That was when I began to hear the Absolute. Nere, "I don't understand... I've been following those... wretched beasts?" If you CAST DETECT THOUGHTS you can get: It cannot be. Have I betrayed Lolth for an imposter? Tav: Your faith in Lolth faltered. It is not too late to reclaim it. Nere, genuinely sounding so disappointed in himself, "Was I so weak as to betray the Weaver? ... I will take word to the Order of Soul Spiders. They must know of the Absolute threat." You can also choose to convince him to abandon the Absolute and RUN. That's what I choose and it has, thus far, kept him from getting zombie-fied later. Tav: You don't have to. Run - abandon the Absolute. "Perhaps you're right.. Perhaps I should. Dying for a cause is one thing, but for a mindflayer? For filth like that? ... No. I owe you a debt, it seems. You've saved me from worse than the duergar. Take this - a personal blessing. I pray we don't meet again."

He is very committed, up to and including being willing to "die for a cause". That is how Lolth-sworn drow--particularly the males--are taught to be, and it is hard-wired. It would be a very difficult thing to change.

Really, the only difference from Lolth to the Absolute to the player party, is whether or not the people he would lay down his life for in the player party are worthy of it, unlike those who were the focus of his earlier devotion.

@fiendishfinesse continued from here

Raphael strode into the chamber, his presence crackling with an electric hunger that filled the air. His auburn eyes glowed as he spread his arms wide, a wicked grin carving across his face. “Ah, little soul” he purred, gesturing grandly, “the night is calling, and I, like the wolf, run the show. Tell me, are you ready? Ready to be rocked like a hurricane? To feel the fire and lust that can’t be caged, to lose yourself in a chaos you’ll never recover from? Come now, don’t keep me waiting—it’s time for a show.”

Nere does not move. For a moment that is far longer than he would care to admit, he does nothing at all except to stare... until the moment that he moves beyond his disbelief to process what he had heard.

It is an almost herculean task, to halt the sneer that threatens to appear at being so basely propositioned, and by such a being as this, no less. It only further rankles him that the other seems of the opinion that he is simply irresistible.

Still... it would serve him well to display at least some level of civility in the presence of this creature, rather than to freely show the utter revulsion he feels at being treated thus again.

"It was my understanding that you had matters of some manner of import to discuss. But if this is all it was that you desired, you would have been better served to say as much from the start as I am disinclined to acquiesce to your request."

That... was civil, wasn't it?

Another Random Headcanon // @neredoesnotfail

Giving Companion!Nere the Sussur Bark Greatsword is just -chef's kiss- Why? you might you ask. "So, you can't cast more than basic magic again because you're no longer a warlock of the Absolute? Here, take this sword. Use that right and the other person won't be able to use magic either." 😊

Consider it a personal blessing.

[ Please ignore the hireling information in the tags and under the level description. I am on console and modifying a hireling is, thus far, the only way I can recruit him. I desperately need the "recruit any NPC" mod to drop for console. 😂 ]

“You failed me, MALE. You will NOT fail again.” // @aracnaregis

Why? Why is this happening now?

How long had he existed as one forsaken before he was stolen from the Weaver by the Absolute?

How long has it been since he was rescued from being one of the mindflayers' pawns?

How long has he been able to enjoy the quiet of his own mind without the presence of another to encroach upon it?

He should have known the peace would never last.

Peace isn't for their sort, no matter what Asha says.

He would like to be able to say that his heart races due to the danger of this, of being noticed. He would like to be able to say that there is at least some vestige of fear that accompanies the realization.

Instead, as he closes his eyes and exhales a sigh, there is only a grim resignation...

[ He does not think that his family will merit two instances of divine intervention, and certainly not when he did nothing nearly so defiant as his older brother had done. ]

... and, yet, there is also that ever present anger, churning below the surface.

Though it takes a moment longer than he would like, when he finds his voice once more, he replies, level and quiet.

"I have failed no one except my own blood... But then I suppose you would know nothing of that, Dark Weaver. Your people—doubly misguided and misled though they are—were freed of the Absolute that they might return to your worship. What more could you want than to have your very own puppets returned to their strings?"

people? caring for me? loving me? sticking around? sounds fake must be after something

tags

I know I have a lot of blogs and, trust me, I don't expect anyone to follow all of them, however, below is the list of the current BG3 and related blogs in case any of them do appeal to anyone:

ACTUAL BG3 BLOGS

@neredoesnotfail // MAIN // Nere

@raphaelapproves // MAIN // Raphael and some HoH NPCs

@zhentbusiness // MAIN // Rugan of the Zhentarim

@dirgeforthedead // MAIN // Perhaps slightly canon-divergent Dark Urge ; there is also @yetanotherdirge // SIDE // for when I'm wanting to write her but am focusing a different main [ NOTE: Threads will exist separately within each blog—so a thread started on one will remain there—though relationships can carry over to be considered 'established' on either. ]

@hopefromthedark // SIDE // multimuse for canon, original, and adapted drow

@thefaithbroken // SIDE // Zevlor

@banefultyrant // SIDE // Lord Enver Gortash

@immenselytalented // SIDE // Rolan; may or may not just shift to my multi, we'll see. I do really love the url

@darkeningdawn // SIDE // OC daughter of Lathander

@stalwartprotector // MAIN // Halsin, but he's been very quiet so he's basically on hiatus

@spareastory // MAIN // a catch all multi for BG3, anybody who doesn't have their own blog; Canon, original, and adapted muses present [ Among these can be found Guex, Asharak, Klaus, Tiernan Wont, and Alan the Bartender, as well as muses adapted from WoW, mobile games such as Raid and EverLegion and Path to Nowhere, as well as muses from film, television, other video games and literature ]; may move to a sideblog of the same name

WORKS IN PROGRESS:

These immediately below are heavily under construction still as I picked them up right before I had a lot of life stuff happen and I didn't have the time, energy, or focus:

@undeniablegrace // SIDE, for now, I'll decide for sure once I finish reading // Drizzt Do'Urden [also entertaining the idea of Zaknafein]

@lathandertolight // SIDE // Lathander

@selunetoguide // SIDE // Selûne

@kelemvortojudge // SIDE // Kelemvor

@andpassageprovide // SIDE // Thanatos & Charon, adapted from Greek mythology

@theperilsofadventure // SIDE // This is going to be a multi/experiment in very loose DM'ing to an extent for little mini adventures within BG3 canon/verse, if anyone is interested. I just got a bestiary book and there are several beings and such that interested me, like the Old Man with the Canaries, Stone Giants, Storm Giants, etc. And, of course, owlbears and such. I have never DM'd and I do not know any official rules. This would basically just function like an RP account, but a condensed version of what I do with my many accounts.

MISCELLANEOUS

These blogs are varying degrees of set up and established. None of these are BG or D&D canon muses, but they are easily adapted into it and, in fact, already have established BG3 verses with the potential for others.

@beautymarred // SIDE // Thranduil [ and other denizens of the Woodland Realm; has a BG3 verse ]

@whoshallbeking // SIDE // Thorin Oakenshield

@lionofthealliance // MAIN // King Varian Wrynn from WoW; has a BG3 verse

@neveraguardian // MAIN // Khadgar from WoW; has a BG3 verse

@lightblinded // SIDE // Turalyon from WoW; has a BG3 verse

@youwerenotprepared // SIDE // Illidan Stormrage from WoW; has a BG3 verse

@weariedshield // MAIN // Damon Schilder from Path to Nowhere (mobile game); has at least two BG3 verses already

@secondofthelegion // SIDE // Earl from Path to Nowhere (mobile game); has at least two BG3 verses already

@glamglitterandgoblins // SIDE // Jareth, the Goblin King; I'd say he has a BG3 verse, but it's pretty much just his regular verse but with access to BG3. Jareth is Jareth. I draw heavily from the movie, but also the comics that released regarding a prequel to Labyrinth. Great comics, if you haven't read them

OOC BLOGS

@thishouseofhope // Was a sideblog for Raphael before I gave him the main blog he demanded; possibly turning this into a headcanons, rambles, dissertations, discourse blog concerning Raphael and the House of Hope, etc. Maybe little snippets of stories as well?

@sensibleeven // Same as for Raphael, but with Nere

@birdseyeart // I have the intention of making this an art blog for when I decide I am okay enough with something to post it. I have a few pieces already that will be (re)posted from my old blog shortly. Beyond that, we shall see.

AN IMPORTANT NOTE BELOW THE CUT:

I covered this on my Raphael main before, but it's been a minute so I will do so again.

I do not want to terrify any of you or myself with the sheer number of blogs I have, but the ones tied in with Baldur's Gate or easily adapted to it will be listed all together in this post [ and I will probably add/link it to it in a pinned post on my blogs as well so it's easy to know what blogs are mine ].

First, to explain, I get hyperfocused on things and end up with a ton of muses [ Tolkien, Marvel, DC, mythology, gaming, etc ], and each one [ usually, though some are constants ] focus tends to go dormant for a bit at some point while I hyperfocus on another thing—and sometimes manage to mesh and adapt several things into whatever the current thing is, as witnessed by spareastory because I still love all the things, my focus has just pivoted. I periodically cycle back around again, usually when some thing has perked back up the braincells in regards to that thing. Sometimes multiple co-exist at the same time. Sometimes they just keep to a cycle. Sometimes it's a little of all of it.

My brain is just like this. It's always been like this. I have a wheel of special interests and it spins to whatever has the most to keep the braincells interested. The last long-stint hyperfixation was Overwatch and that was eight (8) or so months. Before that was Final Fantasy VII. Baldur's Gate is going on a full year with only a brief break because of life. I don't see it going away anytime soon because it has everything I love to write and I can adapt so many of my other favorite things into it.

To that point--also from another post I made elsewhere--is this:

It's funny that BG3 and consequently looking into DnD finally gave me an answer to who I am as an rper: why I can't just have one or two characters, why I have to super research everything I write.

I am basically DM-coded. 😂

I have literally hundreds, if not thousands, of muses chilling in my head, usually on a rotation based on where my hyperfixation is at the time—high fantasy, sci-fi, historical fiction, etc—and sometimes I have been the entire fandom writing with someone else who wrote one or two of the characters. I didn't even realize I was basically DMing by filling out the rest that we were missing. [ i.e. Sy-Fy's Sanctuary and the Tolkien rp fandom were at points almost entirely carried between me and @hopeteased 😂 with a few other people here and there from time to time who wrote a muse or two. ]

So when you see that I have 1000 characters, please know that I am here to DM a larger world within our threads if we have something a bit more isolated… BUT I am equally happy to be part of a larger world/verse with multiple participants and to world-build collectively.

It's never a matter of wanting to play everything to the exclusion of others or anything like that.

I love writing with people and there are so many talented people here to write with, some with overlapping characters to mine, and some with totally different.

You're all amazing and if we write the same muses, I will still be thrilled to write with you for any of my other babies you want to write with. I generally have an overarching, default/baseline verse to world build/DM when writing my characters' understanding/perception of their world, yes, as though you were interacting within a fanfiction almost, where there are a ton of pre-existing relationships and background.

But I also love to build other verses with everyone I write with, whether individuals or groups. ❤️

I know I can be 😂 A Lot in terms of having so many muses, but please trust me when I say that there is nothing I like better than to build relationships of all sorts, storylines, and worlds with others, and am more than happy to trade out any of my muses to build something with someone who has the same muses I have.

SUMMARY:

My myriad of muses is never meant to be to the exclusion of others. It's just how my brain works to build and branch out because the wheels won't stop spinning. However, I am equally happy to play a part in something built with others, regardless of if I write the same muse as them.

This may be the best way to explain it --

Consider my muse list like a catalogue. You don't have to and aren't expected to order everything off of the catalogue or even to want to try everything on it. But it's all there to pick and choose from as you like, when you like, if you like.

❛ i just like to argue with you cause it’s funny. ❜ // @starlyht { Sszefryn }

"And yet, perhaps it would be best were you to seek out that barbarian or the ranger. Such individuals should be more well-suited to provide you with a conversation more closely aligned to your own level of understanding."

"I prefer to waste neither my time nor my breath for another moment with refuting the utterly insipid utterances of the unenlightened."

And with that, he returns his attention to the heavy tome he had been studying prior to this ridiculous discussion.

spotify wrapped has arrived. send me a number from 1-100 for a starter based on that song, or a lyric from it, or send a 🎁 for me to shuffle.

various things spoken in an adventuring party pt.3

a little assortment of quotes and sayings i've found doom scrolling through pinterest that i think an adventuring party would say during their never ending perilous adventures . please do not copy/repost or add to this list, thank you!

Affectionate ❛ how terrible it is to love something that death can touch  ❜ ❛ i never craved attention until i tasted yours  ❜ ❛ i don’t want to have the world’s attention. Yours is enough.  ❜ ❛ you cant just touch my soul and leave  ❜ ❛ your hands are scarred from murder, and yet I trust them completely  ❜

Questions ❛ you seem somewhat familiar. have i threatened you before?  ❜ ❛ why am I so fascinated by you?  ❜ ❛ you risked so much for me. why would you do such a thing?  ❜ ❛ it’s time you start talking! what did you do?!  ❜ ❛ do you really think they were a tender flower you could trample upon?  ❜

Banter ❛ i just like to argue with you cause it’s funny.  ❜ ❛ unfortunately for everyone, i will keep doing whatever i want.  ❜ ❛ i think god is gonna have to kill me twice.  ❜ ❛ the next time i open up to someone is my autopsy  ❜ ❛ you walk a fine line between beautifully macabre and uncharacteristically psychotic, you know that?  ❜

Tragedy ❛ i thought we’d have more time  ❜ ❛ if i disappear, will you look for me?  ❜ ❛ let us live, since we must die  ❜ ❛ i cant live in a world where you dont exist  ❜ ❛ i talk to the gods, but the sky is empty.  ❜

Fierce ❛ do not forget what i am.  ❜ ❛ this destruction will be your rebirth.  ❜ ❛ you are filled with poison but blessed with beauty and rage  ❜ ❛ when you are not fed love on a silver spoon, you learn to lick it off knives  ❜ ❛ you have no power over me.  ❜

Antagonistic ❛ leave them at the bottom of the grave they dug for you.  ❜ ❛ and you call me a monster  ❜ ❛ being against evil doesn’t make you good.  ❜ ❛ so, tell me little one, do you want to punish those that have wronged you?  ❜ ❛ i’m the friendliest evil person you will ever meet. ❜

BONUS

FROM THE HERO TO THE VILLAIN ❛ running doesn’t matter. I’ll hunt you down if i have to  ❜ ❛ no one wearing a crown comes in the name of peace  ❜ ❛ our bones are stained with sin, scorched from fire, broken by betrayal, soaked with blood, and yet we still keep fighting!  ❜ ❛ you want to kill me? fine. get in line.  ❜

FROM THE VILLAIN TO THE HERO ❛ i’ve met scarecrows with more spine than you  ❜ ❛ can you hear the screams of the people? can you hear them serenading me as i ascend? their pain is my pleasure in the heavens. they worship me with their grief. and now so will you.  ❜ ❛ if bravery had a face, it certainly wouldn’t look like yours  ❜ ❛ my power knows no bounds, and your efforts to defy me are like whispers lost in a hurricane  ❜ ❛ oh, look at you, attempting greatness! pity it’s just an attempt.  ❜