Me:.... I Wish To Break My Bone! Genin:...WHAT?!

*speaking into the megaphones* YOU ARE NOT MATURE YA DUMB BITCH!!! (Just trying to be funny here. Sorry if I was rude)

“These specimens have been conditioned for contact. They’re safe. But if you see them in the wild, DO NOT approach. It’s very dangerous.” “Why? Are they aggressive?” “No, they’re extremely friendly and very playful. That’s why it’s dangerous.”

Alien: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU BREATH IT?! Human:*having Oxygen in their suit* BECAUSE WE BREATH IT! Alien 2: ARE YOU SAYING YOUR ENTIRE PLANET HAS OXYGEN?!

Human: YES!!!!!

Due to Oxygen being one of if not the rarest gasses in the universe, it has been classified as highly illegal to own. When humans step up onto the galactic stage, the galactic council freaks out.

I feel like it fails and only makes him freak more people out

What have you created.....???

guards! read me my bedtime yaoi

Me: I honestly have no idea who yo- OMG! LOOK AT HOW BIG THAT GUN IS!!!! Villain: PAY ATTENTION TO ME!!! Me: Bitch I have ADHD!

“Do you have any idea who you are talking to?”, the villain asked you. Since you have never seen them before and just stumbled into their lair on accident you choose to answer truthfully.

Depends on if it was Owl post with my letter from Hogwarts or not

what would you do if there were a post right in front of you

Wife: STOP SLOBERING ON THE DAMN COUCH! Me: MAKE ME! *puts daughter on back and I run away, both of us laughing* Wife: WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON YOU

Slowly turning into a werewolf after being bitten by one, you were terrified of losing your mind, and hurting your wife or daughter. Turns out, there wasn’t any need for worry, since wolves are extremely loyal to their mate and their children. Life changes in unexpected but fun ways.

Yesterday was the one year anniversary of my mom being able to quit smoking!!! FUCK YEAH!!!!

Girly pop calm down. And who's Kennith Simmons????? I really need to figure out all your fandoms.

everything keeps GLITCHING OUT!!!!!!! FUCK U KENNITH SIMMONS!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mood.

Normal People: "Why did u start writing Yandere content?"

Most Yandere Authors: "I wanted to express my dark desire for a forbidden romance through a creative medium. Forgoing social norms to create a love that is most cruel yet utterly true. To appease the lethal love that lays dormant within my bones, rattling me with its yearning for freedom. To show the world a love that is hideous, dangerous, yet wholly profuse. The sort of love only found under a moonless sky. A romance that can kill and heal with the same hand. To fashion ballads of broken hearts and damaged minds trapped in a waltz of shimmering hearts."

Me: I want to get kidnapped so I won't have any responsibilities.