The Majority Of Sexual Harassment Cases Involve Some Kind Of Complication.

“You’re so calm during conflict.”

No babe, that’s dissociation. We all bring our talents to the table...

The performance review said you were “pleasant under pressure.” You thought about telling them it was acting. But why ruin a standing ovation?

Some people won’t believe you until you break. Break anyway, if you need to. You don’t owe anyone your composure.

Portrait of a Lady on Fire

He said I was a real asset to the team but the way he said “asset” made me want to wash my hands.

Twice.

You said thank you.

With a smile so dry it might’ve caught fire.

“It may be that when we no longer know what to do, we have come to our real work.” — Wendell Berry

Theodor von Hörmann - Forest path (ca. 1878-1880)

You don’t owe anyone a perfect story.

Maybe you forgot the exact date. Maybe your memory skips or rewinds. Maybe you didn’t document it. Maybe you didn’t tell anyone right away. Maybe you still don’t know what words to use.

That doesn’t mean it didn’t happen. That doesn’t mean you’re lying. That doesn’t mean your story doesn’t count.

What happened is real. Even if it’s messy. Especially if it’s messy.

Being sexually harassed is less like you were running and tripped, and more like someone pushed you. Replaying everything you did or didn’t do doesn’t actually help you to prevent it from happening again.

Anxiety isn't drama...it's data.

Chiharu Shiota: Stairway (2012)

You don’t have to be perfect to be harmed.

Maybe you’d had a drink. Maybe you laughed along. Maybe you told them they were cute once. Maybe you texted back. Maybe you said yes to one thing, but not to what happened next.

Maybe you tried to be polite when you should have run. Maybe you didn’t run because you were scared. Or tired. Or frozen.

None of that means it wasn’t harassment. None of that means it was your fault.