Outgrowing Pain, Shedding It

how can i feel  so empty and yet so full  all at once

Hyperbole is my favorite form of communication Overstating a happiness I barely feel is easier than admitting to the overwhelming sadness

Collected

You collect hearts    the way others collect shells Shiny hearts full of love    you are too scared to return Holding them to your ear    to admire the way they admire you Then back on display    until your ego needs another stroke There my heart sits in your display case,    dripping love and devotion Among the other trophies,    stolen by the heart collector

Regarding old relationships, most days I’m fine. I’ve come to terms with the loss and damage done and know all I can do is move forward and try to heal. Maybe some day even make myself that vulnerable again. I also recognize my part in my own pain and most of the time turn any anger or sadness inward. It is my fault I allowed it to happen over and over. I refused to learn my lesson, to protect my heart and soul even when I knew they were in danger of being crushed. 

But some days I just get so fucking angry seeing the things you say and share about how you wish for loving, accepting relationships. THAT WAS ME, YOU IGNORANT FUCK. Those things you claim you want? I gave all of it to you. I gave all of me to you. I gave more than I should have and more than you deserved.

Though I realize none of it is actually aimed my direction and that there were many factors as to why things happened the way they did, I can’t help it that I feel invalidated by the implication that you haven’t had someone in your life to give you these things when I was right by your side for years practically begging you to allow me. 

he took a screenshot and my heart took flight

You think her kiss is magic One day you’ll learn it’s poison

I thought if I believed hard enough in the two of us it would be enough for both of us

I was an idiot

His possession wrapped around me like a warm coat, shielding me in a way it felt like only he could from my own frozen heart