“Open Your Eyes”

Also the one with the Armin pfp is me ^^ I revealed myself not even a week later hehe 😅 anyways, the song I was listening to is 7th sense by NCT and the plot I thought of was like reader writing in a notebook the English translation of the song lyrics and Kaeya reads it (they’re in a relationship btw…or we’re in this case) and he gets like a flashback to when they were fighting and how his s/o met their demise. Yeah…a n g s t. I personally love angst hehe

-G

I think I found a new favorite song o-o. It fuels my need to already write angst T_T. I took the "were" to heart here and made it more angsty U-U.

A reincarnation to modern-day Au (kinda?)

Warnings: Only Kaeya remembers the past U-U. Angst, language, minor violence (medium???), angst, it got long, uh... Kaeya is written to how I imagine he is under the flirty persona. so, talk of putting oneself down... depression? suicidal thoughts? idk put that there just in case-

Kaeya x Reader Angst

“Open your eyes”

Kaeya was used to seeing you around, his chest afloat but heavy at once. It was you, yet it was not. With such differences between you then and now. Each stroke of your pen caught the attention of his eyes. His eyes, which had been scanning his textbooks while you were supposed to be working yourself, now focused on the letters of your pen. His head tilted slightly as he watched. The earphones laying within your ears must be playing a song you enjoyed, perhaps on repeat? He hadn’t seen you look… so like you once had before. His eyes caught the words, slowly reading them, suddenly struck with an ache in his chest.

His eyes faded into the distance as he fought to stay present with you, here in this library… but ever since he’d been small, he knew you, or at least the you he’d known at some point.

His eyes glanced around, complete loss of control, stuck within the memory. His vision was always so different here than what he’d grown up with… with only a single eye to see, the other covered, it was to be expected. He hated being able to feel the light warmth of the sun. He hated every bit of this world. He felt… cold, bitter cold like he was in an eternal freezer, trapped in ice. He’d seen moments of sweet comfort that left him with a bitter tang in his mouth… never seen answers to why he felt… cold. He knew that in both lives he’d been taken in by the same family, only here he did not get along with his elder brother… but here there was a version of you who saw him as more than a simple friend.

His lips moved without his permission, calling out your name with a sweet tone he’d never have the confidence to speak to you with. “Y/n, where are you off to so early? Yet another commission? Has Master Jean asked you to go take things on your own again? Don’t you get lonely traveling on these long commissions? Come on, stay a little long Y/n, you only just got back… can’t this wait? We were going to drink silly today.” He hummed walking close to your side, wrapping his arms about your waist, filling you with his abnormally cold temperature. He watched you shiver with a small chuckle.

“Kaeya, I’m actually doing a small favor for your- er for Master Diluc. It’s not much, he’s busy aiding the traveler today, so I promised I'd take care of some meddling Fatui. He’ll join me himself when he finishes helping the Honorary Knight. It’s not a harbinger, so it’s something I can handle on my own.” You turned in his embrace, lifting yourself to land a peck to his lips. That cold feeling warmed with the contact, his cheeks heating as he chuckled against his will. His mind screaming, a different yell than his usual memories that surfaced… Those tended to tell him he was safe, that this was not real, and not to get lost in this past life. The voice inside his head was screaming for him to wake up, that he shouldn’t remember… that if he did, he may never recover.

“Oh? Look at you, not long ago the traveler and I were teaching you to wield your weapon the right way, teaching you to use that God’s eye… yet, here you are all mature now. It’s so… pleasing, but I wish you had never grown into your skills… as selfish as that is.” Kaeya pressed his lips to your forehead, running his fingers through your hair.

“I never said you couldn’t come along, silly captain.” Your laugh… ah how much his heart fluttered with that sound. Why couldn't you, the present self, make such noises? Why did you never laugh like that with him? Had he not tried to court you right this life? Had he been wrong to use the same tactics he used in that past life? What changed, was it not remembering yourself, or were you simply their lookalike? No… There were times where you did what they had done, acted so similar he had to stop and question if it were another scene meant to torment him.

“Then I shall accompany you, my dear.” He let go of your waist, motioning with a bow for you to lead them away.

A mistake… to not talk you from this commission… he was realizing that.

Wake up…

Before it happens… again… right there… wake up… forget… forget… don’t remember… I don't want to see it… no… please let me snap back to the world… notice… notice the distant look… suck me home… please… forget… Kaeya…. Forget… don’t look…

It was the first time he saw the power he had in that life. Ice flinging from his sword or even his hands from mere flicks of his fingers… and you were no dead-weight yourself. Strong elemental energy coming in bursts as you fight. Even with the unexpected ambush of the Fatui agents, more than initially expected. Anger in their eyes as they swore curses, Kaeya struck with skilled mercy, aiming not to kill despite having complete ability several times to do so. Enemies fell, knocked out, dropping to their knees and surrendering. The chest at the end seemed a pleasant reward if the two of you ever managed to clear the enemies around.

“What the fuck… they’re everywhere.”

“Look at you, cursing like a true knight under frustrating conditions. You’re truly amazing, my angel!” Kaeya called out as he drove ice in a circle around himself, catching Fatui, who backed up to avoid being slashed in half by the sharp form of his capabilities.

Behind you… move… damn it… movie Kaeya… stop it… pay attention… sense it… why couldn’t you see it… why… why… Why them? Couldn’t it have been you? Traitor, monster… worthless scum… just pay more attention to the fallen enemies… not all… no…

The sound of their voice, the moments slowing as they did that day… despite his pleas at the memory to stop progressing or to change the events, he couldn’t do anything. Stuck watching the mistakes of the moment catch up to him again. Their body jumped in front of his back… “KAEYA!” The holler of their name as their blade moved to block, missing… they missed… leaving that small opening… their blade slipped… they couldn’t block it…

No… stop it… stop showing this… forget… forget… open your eyes, quietly just open your eyes, look out and open your eyes… open your eyes…. Open your damn eyes… don’t look…

No matter what he chanted internally, he couldn't change the memory…

Wake me up…

He didn’t wake… he stayed trapped as he dropped to catch your slumping form. The ice he’d been so careful not to use lethally showed no restraint… impaled over and over… that agent who dared hurt you fell gurgling on crimson as his eye glared dark shades of black. Darker black than an angered harbinger… a darker aura than a god who’d been angered… nothing could compare to the feelings he had forgotten…

How long ago had it been since he felt this much pain?

He lived in it.

He lived with the regrets of watching his adoptive father die, his birth father, abandoning him to infiltrate Mondstadt… he hadn’t felt this much… furry since that night… when his life had changed from a peaceful childhood in a palace… to a wandering boy who had no home. The remaining Fatui attempted to flee, seeming to sense his current state… of the masses, only a handful made it out… alive… none without injury. “Y/n… please don’t close your eyes… don’t try moving though, don’t talk… I'll do something… let me just… Can I freeze it? Ah no, that could make it worse… the church… but if I move you… fuck!”

“Kaeya… am I?” he shook his head, grabbing your hand as you stared at him with… terror… you were terrified… truly terrified.

“No! You’re just a little hurt… nothing that can't be fixed at the cathedral. Just let me...” He paused, feeling the hand in his go suddenly limp before you rolled on your side, lungs gasping as blood… as blood seeped from your lips…

“Kaeya…”

“N-no… listen, don’t waste energy… I can get you help…”

“Kaeya… it’s bad…”

“… please don’t go…”

He was never vulnerable… not the way he was now… not to the point he was ready to plead and beg... to shove pride up his ass.

“If we ever meet… in a new life… let's fall in love again.” You coughed between your words before reaching his covered eye. He let you remove it, staring at you with both eyes.

He’d never seen the world this way… not in his memories… he saw in the reflection of ice why he covered that eye. “Y/n…” he started before your lips shook. Breath coming off in a puff of white smoke… one… last… time… Kaeya took a few moments to comprehend what just happened. Your hand hitting the floor in slow motion… It was quick, but so drawn out to him. His hands moved to your shoulders…

Tap…

Tap…

Tap…

Shift..

Shift..

Shift..

Shove,

Shove,

Shove,

Shake-

Shake-

Shake-

“Y/n?”

“y/n?”

“Y/n?”

“This isn’t funny?”

“Open your eyes, look out, open your eyes…”

“Please?”

“Stop joking…”

The slightest movement from the unconscious members he’d let live resulted in their demise… his emotions controlling him as he leaned over and belted… his voice rattling the freezing caves… any moisture freezing as he shook your body with more force than he’d ever use to wake you from a nightmare.

Can I wake up now? Please… I don't want to keep remembering this… he thought to himself as he observed the mess he created… even his tears fell like ice crystals…

He didn’t register the sound of fire breaking ice, melting it, only to see it freeze again. He didn’t care if the person saw the splatters of blood from Fatui… didn’t care if they called him a monster…

He failed… worthless… he couldn’t keep anything that he loved… everything slipped by his fingers.

His home

His only relative

His adoptive father… who was more a father than his birth father.

On the same day, his brother… because he wanted Diluc to kill him… he had felt guilty for feeling relieved Crepus died, not knowing his secret…

And now... He’s lost the only person who promised to stick by him till they saw peace… and to become a married couple and raise kids after peace set in.

Was this worth it? The pain? Were the moments of freedom worth this? Yes… he thought… they were. To see that smile and hear your voice… It was worth it to feel loved.

“Kaeya?” He knew that voice… ah so Diluc did come… too bad he’s… late. Just like Kaeya was when their… when Diluc’s father died… he forgot sometimes… that Diluc no longer thought of him as a brother… he never said our father… always my father this and that…

“You were right… you always are Diluc...” He didn’t mean to sound so defeated… and broken. Oh… Diluc knows about the eye… he’s never seen it… best he keeps it closed… unless… would Diluc perhaps be disgusted enough to… kill him?

“Kaeya… what-” he seemed to almost gag. Kaeya heard it. Must be the obnoxiously gory scene… the ice was… melting… ah so he was calming down? No, Diluc’s pyro… it’s the stronger element against cryo… pyro melts cryo…

“I really am everything you think. I am Diluc… a worthless traitor… scum.” He wasn’t making sense… at least now that he was thinking from a viewpoint that didn’t feel what this past self felt… he seemed overly dramatic… “I couldn't… it was my fault… I should have seen it… sensed it. I’m a captain… a knight of Favonius. We really are worthless… I can’t live up to you… you’ve always been… better than me… I wonder… had she gone with you… she’d probably be alive.” What had he been on to think this way?

“Kaeya? Move… let me see.'' He didn’t budge, but he didn’t fight or try to cling to the dead body as Diluc melted the ice before him. His eyes stared for so long before looking at Kaeya… “what happened… Kaeya”

“You don’t care… So why should I elaborate… they're dead… I lost it and… killed them in return… you wanted to do the same when… your father died.” Diluc stood as tall as he could at that small note. Kaeya never called him like that… even when Diluc shouted that Crepus was not their father, only his… Kaeya rolled his eyes and stubbornly called him their father.

He felt guilty? This was… his commission, but there were no more than three when he’d been asked to handle this situation… Where did the others come from?

Diluc had to… it must have been his older brother instincts kicking in, but he picked the younger lad into his arms and, despite the burning cold against the heat of his body, he placed Keys in the light. His eyes… they had a sparkle, didn’t they? Why were they… dull… duller than a masterless vision? Why was Kaeya simply letting things happen?

Why am I still living this out? Why am I not awake yet? Kaeya hissed within his mind, hating the pain that welded into his brain, traveling down to his chest. Diluc’s hands removed the blood-stained fur and garments, before wrapping Kaeya in a jacket… oh this is… Diluc’s coat? Kaeya’s eyes moved for a moment to stare at the fabric that wrapped him. He watched Diluc turn back to the icy cave.

It was his first reaction since Diluc had moved him from their body… his hand reached out, grabbing pathetically at the older male's pants leg. He felt so small… like a child grasping an adult… perhaps because in his mind… Diluc would always be his big brother. “Please… don’t… go.” Diluc had never seen Kaeya like this… not since they were little… long before the knights…Diluc kneeled…

He set their foreheads together, letting his feeling about that night fade… he’d implemented that thought into his head… the one that made Kaeya think he had no worth… and they… his lover… had helped him find himself… find that he did, in fact, have worth outside being a tool for others. “It’s okay… I’m going to clean up, but I won't… I'm not going to leave you again.”

Kaeya let him leave… it felt like ages before Diluc pulled out the body, carrying them in his hands… Kaeya leaped from his spot to their body, tapping them again… “Kaeya they're...”

“Not yet… not… they just need to open their eyes Diluc… why can’t I have this one thing?” Maybe he should stop talking? He said things when he got emotional… like that night… so compelled to spill everything because of the guilt… he was so vulnerable to his emotions… he was a smooth talker because he had to be… If he started to talk about himself, he would lose himself within the words… his emotions led him to do stupid things… and those things never go well…

If he was able to reason he would have stopped there without venting to the man he shouldn't be able to trust… considering that fight they had and the numerous verbal quarrels they had each day. “I never get the things I want… home… gone… abandoned… But I don't mind… I was taken in only to lose that family to… Because I’m nothing but a weapon… a stupid tool… a useless one though. Guess the gods really do forsake me… don’t you think Di-” His eyes shot wide when he was… hugged? Diluc… holding him? Pressing his head to his chest? Was he high, drunk? Was he dead and dreaming?

“Shhh, just… it’s okay to cry Kaeya… It’s alright to cry… I...” Diluc seemed to pause in his words… Was he about to see he wasn’t being himself? Was he about to shove him away again? That’s what Diluc would do? Diluc hates him, right? “Your big brother is here… and your big brother isn’t going to leave you to suffer alone anymore… don’t go saying things like you're about to… about to drive that sword through your body…” he sobbed, not that echo of a scream that he’d felt watching you die… but a genuine cry that hadn’t left his lips in years. He finally gripped tightly onto Diluc’s shirt, knowing his tears would stain the white collared shirt… his brother wore.

He didn’t register anything else… nor did he remember

His eyes opened quietly. “Kaeya?” he snapped to look at you, voice caught in his throat. “You scared me there! You were zoning out worse than usual… I know you tend to have spells where your mind is elsewhere, but you… were crying silently and kept moving like you wanted to wake from whatever it was… I shook you, but you didn’t snap back like you usually do...” He smiled as if nothing had played in his head.

“My bad… I apologize for worrying you.” He picked his book up, staring at it… he couldn’t focus anymore… maybe he’d talk to somebody… mostly Diluc, who seemed to also remember that past life… less than he did but he could understand Kaeya… at least to some point.

“Kaeya… I… oh gods help me… this is so not a good time, but I know I won't get the courage to ask you again, but… would you… maybe wanna go to… some sort of restaurant… just us?”

“Like a date?” he smiled, leaning over the table to stare into your eyes. Watching you blush and chuckle… oh how his heart did a little dance at that sound… a sound he’d only heard in those memories till now.

“Yeah… like… a date.”

“Then, I’ll pick you up at about seven tomorrow.” He rubbed your head before setting his book down and grabbing his bag.

“Kaeya… one last thing… it doesn't make sense… and if it’s weird I’m sorry if I uh… just don’t pay it mind if you don’t get it okay?” He raised a brow, two eyes, the same shade, color, and shape staring at you. “If we ever meet in a new life… let's fall in love again.”

A tear slipped unwillingly from his eye… pausing to make sure he heard you correctly. “I… keep my promises, my angle.”

“I’m sorry that I don’t remember any of our happy moments from then, but… I really did fall in love with you Kaeya… this you… not the man who called out to me as I watched myself die on loop for years at night with nothing but those words.” Kaeya smiled, kissing your forehead…

“We’ll make new memories.”

“Yeah… and we’ll be happy.”

“Yes… happy.”

And he was… he was happy knowing you loved him, would laugh and smile like you always did.