I Can’t Fix Him But I Could Fuck Him.

If I can recommend you do 1 low-effort thing for the love of God it is this:

Keep 5 cards in your pocket. One will say "yes", the second will say "no."

If you lose your voice, or lose speech, or want to make a dramatic embellishment at the right time, it is an elegant and efficient solution that is right there at hand.

But what if people question you from there? "Why do you have that card? Why would you do this? How long have you had that in your pocket?" For this, or whatever else they say, the third card: "I don't have a card for that."

"What the fuck," they ask. They laugh. They are bemused. You bring the energy back down with the fourth card: "I have laryngitis. I've lost speech. My throat hurts". Whatever you expect to occur.

The joke is over. Rule of threes. Now they are curious. YThey wonder about logistics. "How did you know I would say that? Is everyone so predictable?"

As a three-part bit, nobody ever sees the fifth card coming.

"I have powerful wizard magics."

Gets them every time

bsf!chris who depises anyone who isnt u lmao

"hey chris, wanna hang out?" "will n/n be there?" "huh? whos.." "my yn" "oh uh no i dont think so, man-" "nah im ai'ght. thanks tho."

matthew sturniolo if u r on tumblr and you like what u read pls wear blue in wednesdays vid

IM LITERALLY SQUIRTING CUMMING NUTTING BUSTING CREAMING EVERYWHERE WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH THEM

SLUTTY ASS ANGLES

CHRIS’S STUPID PINK LIPS LIKE WHAT RHE FUCKFJJGGN PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE GOD IF YOURE REAL PLEASE LET CHRISTOPHER SUCK MY CLIT JUST ONCE

bitches be like “he’s my comfort character” and it’s just some dude covered in blood

I JUST POSTED THIS BRO

Since you asked so kindly, I'd request for Leon Kennedy x reader where he's acting as a brotherly or fatherly figure to her

Bit SFW for today... Might come back later to ask for something NSFW

father figure || leon kennedy x reader fic

title credits to: @craig-thespaceman for the name because i couldnt come up with one lol

warnings: angst kinda, daddy issues if u squint, kissing, making out, slight suggestive content ! | what you read isnt my responsibility

———————

you were sitting around, fidgeting with your fingers. leon walked in and sat beside you. ‘hey kid, what are you up to?’. you then went on to tell him about the bad day you were having.

he listened to you , nodded, and gave you an understanding smile. ‘i get it kiddo, i was there once too, you’ll make it through’ he said.

he pulled you in for a hug, squeezing slightly, although he couldn’t really control it.

‘hey y/n, i have something i think could help you feel better.’ he said, before turning your head to him with his thumb and finger. he pulled you close and pressed a kiss against your lips.

‘was that okay’ he asked you, you nodded. ‘good. that means i can do this’ he said pulling you in for another kiss. this time though, you leaned in desperately, wanting more.

his lips felt so plush and soft under yours. you ran your hands through his blond hair. he guided your lips, hands on your shoulders.

you pulled away for a second to catch your breath. while doing so you couldn’t help but look at his pink, swollen from kissing lips. they looked so beautiful. you looked up to his eyes. they were glossy and looking at you intensely.

you kissed him again, deeply. his hands trailing down from your stomach to your thighs. his hands neared a little to close to your core. this continued until ada walked in. ‘EW! GROSS!’

‘moment ruined’ leon said, making you let out a breathy laugh. ‘i hope to continue this later’ he said, walking off with a smirk.

god, hes pretty, you thought to yourself.

real.

you should be allowed to be fully tits out on twitch

i’ll be the mother to your kids 🧎🏻‍♀️

rb this if digital art is art

im trying to prove something to my stupid sister

SWAMP THING: I'm Not Okay at Sydney 2