“I Just Want To Hold His Hand While He’s Driving. I Want To Scream Along With Him To The Words Of

hey, it’s okay to be bitter.

bad things happened to you. you’re allowed to be bitter. you’re allowed to be angry. and you’re allowed to mourn–in whatever form that may take. it’s not wrong to be bitter. it’s not wrong to be bitter. 

feelings bitter does not make you a bad person.

moderation is important. you deserve to feel things, and you deserve to go through the grieving process. bitterness is unhealthy when we don’t know how to process it and move on. give yourself permission to feel ugly things, but keep in mind that this is just one step, and that ultimately its purpose is to allow you to move forward. it is easy to get lost in anger, but be careful not linger. you’re allowed to feel negative things, but please let it be as a stepping stone in your recovery, not a detour.

you owe it to yourself. 

you deserve recovery. you deserve good things.

It frustrates me so much that I’m not allowed to talk about my trauma’s to anyone from my family. Only because it puts them in bad lighting. But no shit they are being put in bad lighting. They are the reasons i have some of these trauma’s. They should have thought about this before traumatizing me, right? Not my fault that they look bad when I talk about the things they did to me that made me struggling with these trauma’s.

Friendly reminder: when people say ‘as long as you tried your best’ it doesn’t mean ‘the best you could possibly have done ever’ it means ‘the best you were capable of at the time.’ Sometimes ‘trying your best’ is just getting out of bed in the morning. Just because you weren’t working yourself to the bone doesn’t mean you weren’t trying your best. 

You might be suffering the consequences of long term abuse if:

you feel uncomfortable taking credit for things you did

you feel uncomfortable being praised or complimented, and you feel like sudden expectation or blackmail are coming up afterwards, you need to find intentions behind praise

someone getting mad at you is absolutely terrifying and you’ll do anything to avoid it

you don’t ever feel it’s safe to stand up for yourself, you can predict that even if you did that, ultimately you’d only be punished and hurt even worse, and you can’t risk it

you always analyze every situation with „am I bothering these people? Is my presence a burden to everyone?“ even when you’re with friends or at a place where you were invited

you don’t feel like a part of anything, not your family or your peer group, you worry everyone is going to figure out that you’re out of line trying to pretend to be a part of their group and reject you

you worry that you have no value to anyone and you feel like you need to deserve to be a part of society

you feel inexplicably ashamed of yourself, there are so many situations you can’t talk about, or even think about without feeling overwhelming shame

you keep feeling everything bad that happens is your fault, even for things that aren’t related to you directly, you feel responsible and like you should have done something to prevent it

you feel like everything would be better if only you didn’t exist

you struggled with suicidal thoughts before (or still struggle with them)

you feel like anyone who hurts you is justified in doing so and you deserve to be hurt

you’re terrified of being punished for anything you do, and don’t do, to the point where you paralyze and can’t do things you’re supposed to do at times, because you can’t tell if it’s going to end up in you suffering punishment

you don’t feel comfortable being touched or cuddled, you feel like it makes you weak if you desire it

you don’t feel okay showing big emotions in front of anyone, you feel your feelings in secret, or not at all

nobody knows just in how much pain you are. You don’t show it.

you can tell that even if you did talk to someone about your problems, you’d be accused of exaggerating, asking for attention, faking it, or being weak for not controlling your emotions better

you feel like the dream of a good life, where you’re loved and happy and cherished, is something completely unrealistic and it feels silly to even imagine it, it’s out of reach for you

If it’s only a few you can relate to, they can be caused by outside factors, but if you relate to almost all of these, it’s likely you’ve been living in a situation that is unbearable for human being without severely affecting their personality and mental health. Abuse can cause all of this, and these are not little things, this is lowered quality of life.

Positive Message of the Day

It’s okay if you can’t love your body yet. It’s okay if you can’t accept yourself yet. It’s okay if “thanking” your body or “finding inner qualities you like instead” don’t help in creating higher self-esteem. We battle against messages all around us telling us to hate our bodies. These are not easy things to unlearn. Be kind to yourself; what matters is that you’re trying.

playlist updates?

check out my playlists here!

songs to play while hooking up in the backseat 

nobody knows the me that u do

his hair, his smoke, his dreams

having unfinished business with someone

even my phone misses your call, by the way.

a mix of happy, pure, love songs

the ultimate uni beakup playlist??

if that one person said they still loved you

these songs radiate mega in love vibes

i’m a little drunk and i need you now

a love that consumes you but in a good way

literally my favourite songs from when i was in the 7th grade

songs about being in love with your best friend

babe, you look so cool

love songs but pop ish?

i want you, i always will.

idont know what i’m supposed to do, i’m haunted by the ghost of u

real love is never a waste of time

god is a woman aka anthems

i keep dreaming of you so i stopped sleeping

there’s no space in my heart where i don’t want to love you

my new writing playlist

im glad i didn’t die before i met you

if u loved me, why’d you leave me?

every otp ever

i’ve been trying but u don’t hear what i say

i hit u up too often, i’m sorry.

i know u wanna die, so do i, so drag me down.

SIDE A: i should have known i would miss u

SIDE B: i should have known i would mess this up.

sometimes i wonder if these songs make you think of me

getting over u

i still feel all the things i did before when u used to need it more 

everything i wish i could tell you

actually the saddest playlist i’ve made about soulmates?

SIDE A:  you are my favourite ‘what if’

SIDE B: you are my best ‘i’ll never know’

why did i think it was ride or die?

Me: are you okay?

FP: Yeah! I'm good!

Me: no, are you sure?

FP: I just said yes

Me, internally: they're lying to me because they hate me.

“It’s like when you read a novel and you’re so captivated by it that you don’t even realize you’re approaching the end of it until there are no more pages to turn. You’re left with this dreadful emptiness and aren’t quite sure what to do with yourself because while the book is finished, the story is living on inside of you.”

— This is what breaking up feels like - Jess Amelia 

“And what if I’m on his mind as much as he is in mine.”

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