“i Feel Like I Talk About You So Much To My Friends That They’re Slowly Getting Sick Of Me With Having

“You will always be fond of me.

I represent to you all the sins you never had the courage to commit.”

- Oscar Wilde

stop believing that you ran out of time to shape yourself into who you want to be! stop believing that its ruined! stop believing you don’t have potential! you are not a fixed being! you have endless opportunities to grow.

There’s always going to be someone else. Someone that’s better for you. I told that to my ex when he was crying for me to take him back, I tell that to my friends when they’re going through breakups, and I tell that to myself whenever I need to hear it-which is often and always the hardest. But we always, always move on and love again and those low points we thought we’d never get past, well they always become distant memories. Because the amazing thing about us as humans is we’re capable of loving more than one person in our lifetime and our feelings are capable of change. So even if you really did love someone with all your heart, it doesn’t mean you can’t use all your heart again to love someone else.

PTSD things

taking lots of baths and showers

constant flashbacks. sometimes you don’t even know what they’re about

you’re told you’re jumpy all the time

you always look behind you

craving abuse

alternating between missing your abuser and hating them with all your guts

was it my fault?

constantly distracting yourself from memories

you freeze at the mention of their name

overwhelming anxiety and unexplained fear

you convince yourself you deserved the abuse

you can’t relate to peers

you think you’ll be sick forever

unable to remember key parts of the abuse

remembering too much all at once

developing unhealthy coping mechanisms

you flinch every time someone raises their arm, or makes an abrupt movement

you age regress

you’re told you act “mature” for your age

always feeling like something’s going to go wrong

Trauma didn't make me nice, I consciously made me nice because I don't want anyone else to suffer like I did. Trauma didn't make me strong, I made me strong. Don't you dare ever tell me my trauma made me anything but scared, broken, and confused. Don't give credit to the abusers for me being a good person. They didn't make me good, I made myself good.

Me: *has talent*

Someone: *has talent too*

Me: Oh look I have been replaced

Sometimes I need everyone around me to validate that what I went through was in fact traumatic because I might feel like it wasn’t bad enough to still be so affected by it.

And that’s really fucked up.

Me, clearly traumatized: yeah, but like, what if I’m faking it??? Like, what if it’s not real???

“I’m numb and I’m tired. Too much has happened today. I feel as if I’d been out in a pounding rain for forty-eight hours without an umbrella or a coat. I’m soaked to the skin with emotion.”

— Ray Bradbury

and when he looks at me, fuck, i just lose it every time.

12:34 (via heartacxe)