This Exchange Between Me And My Sister About Animal Crossing Reads Like Two Comrades Bleeding Out On

if you combine world of warcraft and league of legends you get “wow lol”

did they do that on purpose

I NEED 40 PEOPLE TO UNFOLLOW ME

Anyway here’s one of my favourite variants of an Old Meme™

Want to Know How the Cops Actually Trace a Gun?

It happens here, in a massive West Virginia building, in the most absurd way possible.

Oh. My. God.

Did you know that when a gun is used in a crime and cops want to trace it, people have to look through microfilm to find the owner, because it’s illegal to have a searchable database of that information?

Seriously. The NRA managed to get a law passed that makes it illegal. These people have to search by hand. 1,200 traces a day. By hand.

Cops assume they just type it into a search engine, because, like, obviously? We have all this technology that puts information at our finger tips. But not who owns the gun that killed that little girl. That you have to search through microfilm or boxes of files for.

I feel sick.

If you’re American and could ever possibly one day vote, please take the time to read this and understand how absurd it it. I cannot for a moment believe this is what reasonable Americans would choose if they understood what it actually is.

And, whoever you are, please share this, so it gets in front of more eyeballs.

The best part about being in law school is knowing all the laws. 

I slowly rolled down my window as the cop approached, careful to keep my hands where he could see them on the steering wheel. 

“Registration and license,” the officer commanded. 

As I made my way to the glove box, all I could think about was how people in arid areas of the United States probably get less utility out of their glove box because they never really need to store gloves in there for colder seasons, unless, of course, their use of gloves doesn’t go hand-in-hand with the climate, but rather for gripping or style reasons. 

I handed the documents to him in silence, careful to scowl at the officer just enough for him to notice but not enough for him to get angry enough to scowl back.  I had won the scowl-off.

“Do you know how fast you were going?” the policeman asked, leaning down to peer into my mysterious dark green eyes.

I breathed in deeply, filling my lungs to the brim with O2 and car air freshener.  This was my moment. 

“No person shall be held to answer for a capital, or otherwise infamous crime, unless on a presentment or indictment of a Grand Jury, except in cases arising in the land or naval forces, or in the Militia, when in actual service in time of War or public danger; nor shall any person be subject for the same offence to be twice put in jeopardy of life or limb; nor shall be compelled in any criminal case to be a witness against himself, nor be deprived of life, liberty, or property, without due process of law; nor shall private property be taken for public use, without just compensation.  The Fifth Amendment to the United States Constitution, passed by Congress on September 25, 1789 A.D.”

He let me off with a speeding ticket.

when the hero hesitates killing the super dangerous enemy who’s had no qualms killing all of the hero’s loved ones

I just realized you American fuckholes have no idea what these are.

These little pieces of heaven are called Tim Bits (it’s only morbid if you know that the namesake of this awesome ass coffee place died in a car crash.)

These orgasmic mouth fillers (no seriously, they fill your mouth to just the right amount) come in a fucking trucks worth of different flavoUrs. They’re like donut holes but better.

These little fuckers come in packs of ten, twenty and forty and are cheap as dirt. Teachers get these little tastes of gods perfection as rewards for hard working students. That’s why everyone in Canada has As (or should I say ‘eh’s?)

This delights me.

Junk Food Rebranded as Gourmet Artisanal Delights

lmao 'warm almond milk'. also wanna hear ur take why booty judge is still in this thing like what the fuck ?? ? how n why

Well, the idea was always that he could find an angle in two main areas: 

1) He’s a moderate, but he’s younger and more significantly more gay than Joe Biden. I don’t 100% buy that being gay is an advantage, but there’s a segment of the party (myself included) that does see historic value in not nominating another old straight white male. In that sense, he’s got a lot of the same advantages as Amy Klobuchar (younger, diverse-er, moderate-er). But he’s also got #2…

2) He can (supposedly) win the Rust Belt states Trump flipped in 2016. There’s a number of counties in the Midwest that went blue for Obama in 2008 and 2012, and then went red for Trump in 2016. Is it because they’re fucking idiots? Yes. But deeper, it’s because they felt alienated by a party they perceived as becoming further left than they were comfortable with. Klobuchar’s Midwestern too, but unfortunately for her, she’s a woman. Now, Warren’s a woman too, but there’s only two progressives: her and Bernie. Klobuchar’s one of three moderates, and she had some less than stellar debate performances.

Going into Iowa, this was a proving ground for both Pete and Klobuchar on their main sales pitch: “I can win the Midwest.” Joe’s campaign has considered Iowa a loss for weeks (although I don’t think they were counting on a fourth place finish), so Amy and Pete duked it out for moderate votes in Iowa because they knew their entire candidacy over the next few weeks depended on them proving they can win states like Iowa.

So why’s Pete still in? Purely to win Iowa. That was what he had to do. And now that he’s won it, Biden’s finished fourth, and Klobuchar couldn’t make in-roads, you’ve got to wonder how Joe looks as a frontrunner to the rest of the Democratic Party, the big money donors, and to the average voter. 

Biden has also boasted that he can win the Midwest, but only one guy won it yesterday, and that was Pete Buttigieg. 

Before this, he was polling nationally in fourth place, I think. But now that he’s proven he can win Iowa, and Biden slipped so far down, I don’t think it’s out of the realm of possibility that some of Biden’s supporters and some of Klobuchar’s supporters found their way to Buttigieg’s website today to see what he’s all about.

And don’t forget about Yang. I think there’s this idea that Yang supporters will go to Bernie, but I’m not so sure. Yang’s run on a platform of outside politics, but with a bigger emphasis on youth and less of an emphasis on populism. I think some Yang folks would drift over to Buttigieg. 

I’d really watch Buttigieg in the next debate if you’re curious about why he’s still in this. The guy is rock solid. It’s as if he knows the questions before they’re asked.

Long story short, he stayed in with the thought that if he could just have a strong showing in Iowa, he could garner enough support to make a legitimate showing nationally. And he didn’t just have a strong showing, he won the damn thing.