One Of The Saddest Things Alponse Had To Deal With Was That He Was A Prep™ And Had To Live With Goth

me when i get off a rollercoaster

This is exactly how writing every single one of my papers in college went down.

listen up: “hark the herald angel sing/ glory to the newborn king” and “i know when that hotling bling/ that can only mean one thing” have the same number of syllables

merry christmas

Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day? 

For thou hast NO CHILL. 

action movie about a guy who pretends to be a hitman and does the whole “25% up front and the rest when the job is done” thing but then just keeps the down payment, doesn’t kill anybody, and stops responding to the client’s calls, knowing that they can’t sue him for breach of contract without confessing to trying to hire a hitman. problem is now a lot of people who are comfortable with the concept of paying someone to kill someone else are mad at him

OH MY GOD

How to love a fat person.

“Can I get your number?”

“I had learned that I was undesirable to nearly anyone. Desire for a body like mine meant my partners were irrational, stupid, or resigned to settling for less than they wanted. In the years since college, I’d dated a wide range of people with few physical commonalities. Whatever their looks, I couldn’t trust their attraction. I shrank away from their touch, recoiling from their hands like hot iron. I turned down dates, believing their interest to be impossible or pathological. Any intimacy required vulnerability, and vulnerability led back to humiliation.”

Uggghhh, this is painfully good. I didn’t quote the line that made my heart stop and eyes fill with tears. Please, read it.

nice

PARKS AND REC GAG REEL (ALL SEASONS)

Season 2

Season 3

Season 4

Season 5

Season 6

The only reason why there’s no Season 1 is, they don’t have the gag reel for that season. Also, there are subtitles in Season 2 because I suck and couldn’t get rid off it for some unknown reasons. Other than that, I hope you enjoy the gag reel.

Imagine being that guy