I Just Want To Let Ya’ll Know I was Never Asked Out To A School Dance In High School And Have Never

Fuck Shoplifters

Today at work I spent two hours doing inventory adjustments for my department. The process is essentially, count the number of a product on the shelf and see if it matches the number the computer says we have, then change the computer number to the correct amount. One or two items missing is normal. Stuff gets miscounted or the wrong barcode gets scanned or maybe the tags fell off and we ring it up as something else. That’s just par for the course. 200+ items is not.

Today alone in just ONE department there was over $1200 of merchandise missing.

I’m going to get my butt chewed out because $1200 is missing from my department and I don’t know where it went. That’s $1200 that my store will have to cover. That’s $1200 that comes out of payroll budget, which is already way too thin. $1200 is almost exactly one months pay for one employee, meaning we will probably have to let someone go, because we are losing this amount on an almost daily basis.

Fuck you and your lame excuses. When you shoplift, it isn’t hurting the corporation. It’s hurting the employees.

When you shoplift it means that one of my coworkers won’t be able to pay her bills this month. It means she won’t be able to afford to eat every day. It means that my coworkers and I will have to find a way to sneak gas money into her purse so that she can get home.

It means that corporate is going to make us tighten security. We will have to purchase more cameras and more alarms and more tags, with money we don’t have, which means hours will get cut even more. It means we will have to participate in shrink prevention programs, like consenting to having our belongings searched before we leave because corporate still insists that most of our shrink is internal.

I can understand if you are stealing food because you’re hungry, or medicine because you’re sick. it’s still wrong, but I understand that and if I saw you stealing food or medicine, I would probably look the other way and pay for it myself.

But you can’t eat cosmetics, ok? You won’t die without lipstick. You won’t suffer because you don’t have Levi jeans. You won’t get sick because you don’t have a wallet & penknife gift set, you’re just being a shitty person.

Enjoy your $12.00 compacts you crudnuggets. I hope it’s worth our jobs.

In another universe.

I would like to announce that from now on my blog is going to exclusively post really niche memes aimed at pirates

This is so pure. This is the American Dream. This is what dreams are made of.

it’s a robot

FLAWLESS COMEDIC TIMING

remember to cry for help without guilt-tripping. i know it feels like you’ve been abandoned and betrayed, but it’s probably not true, and it’s not okay to accuse the people around you of something they might not have done.

“i guess none of you like me” could be better phrased as “i feel unloved right now”

“but nobody cares anyway” could be better phrased as “i feel insignificant and i need reassurance”

rather than assuming others’ feelings, give them time to explain them. you’ll usually get a much better answer.

red is such an edgy color but its also like. the color of love and cherries and valentines day and its so lovely and fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i love you shadow the hedgehog!!!!!!!!

WHEN WILL YOU ALL LEARN THAT HARRY DIDN’T STEAL NEVILLE’S LOLLIPOP, IT GOT STUCK TO HIS INVISIBILITY CLOAK AS HE WALKED PAST. 

IF HE STOLE IT 

A) WE WOULD SEE HIS HAND STICKING OUT TO GRAB IT

B) IF HARRY WAS EATING IT, IT WOULD BE INVISIBLE SINCE ANYTHING UNDER THE CLOAK BECOMES INVISIBLE