Me: *starts Screaming*

cashier: sorry sir this coupon isnt valid

me: omg... why would you.... dont listen to her coupon

coupon: ii jjsut wwaantted 2 hhelpp u geett 50% offf ffebreeze ffabrric refhreshers i,,,

when you don’t pay the electric bill by Gary Rojas

THE SWORD IN THAT LAST REBLOG IS SO MUCH BIGGER THAN IT LOOKS

things i say that confuse and worry my coworkers:

“happy birthday” every time i hand them something

“well, that’s not ideal” whenever something is going wrong

“we are in the timeline that god abandoned” whenever i’m mildly inconvenienced

“can’t you see that your fighting is tearing this family apart?” whenever two or more coworkers are arguing

referring to taking medication as “eating medicine”

“time to go back to prison!” when putting animals back in their cages

referring to inanimate objects as (s)he, particularly when i break something and say “oh no, he’s dead.” this concerns them especially when i follow it up with “that’s not ideal”

“what are they gonna do, fire me?”

i’m not overly protective of star wars but when people say to watch the prequels first for story purposes I cringe because no no no you gotta watch it 4 5 6 1 2 3 okay

insanity

souns like sumone has the bwubonic pwague