Goat Gives It All It’s Got

sundress no panties 

Just beat Undertale’s true pacifist route it was good. My sister wants to play it but now I don’t want to reset...

me, to the tune of “YCMA,” while putting new perches in the bird cages: it’s time to sit on a wood perch today! i’m gonna sit on a wood perch today, because i am a bird and that’s just what birds do. were you a bird, you would sit here too.

manager, who i didn’t realize was on the other side of the door: you… you having fun there, jake?

no offence but let yourself be ugly!! you don’t have to fix your hair if you’re not going anywhere you don’t have to cover up ur spots or change out of your lounge pants to go buy milk like damn we really gotta let ourselves be comfortable without constantly apologising for just looking normal and it’s hard but i think we need to practice looking in the mirror and saying i look ugly af today and that’s okay!! tru self care is letting urself be ugly tbh

Separating egg whites from the yolk.

If I was ever slated to meet Donald Trump, I’d stuff my pockets with those little hand sanitizer bottles. Every time he’d shake my hand, I’d immediately take one out and squirt the whole bottle. Make a whole spectacle of it, sanitizing my entire right arm. But only after shaking his hand; I’d also be sure to shake the hands of as many other people as possible, but never even think about hand sanitizer until SCROTUS is reaching towards me. Hell, maybe as we’re going in for the shake I’d already have my left hand in my pocket, very dramatically digging for a hand sanitizer so I could be cleaned the moment our hands part. Can you imagine the fucking headlines? The drama? I’d be the target of Turnip’s angry tweets for months. His lapdogs nazis voters would be outraged, screaming obsenities for DARING to attempt voodoo on their god bc they don’t understand cleanliness or germ theory. It would be awesome. I’d be an international hero for washing my hands.

today is the only day you can reblog this

Concept: our protagonist accidentally travels back in time and has a bunch of wacky adventures; when she returns to the present, she thinks she’s changed history and destroyed her original timeline, but really everything’s the same and she was just really bad at keeping up with current events.

 i tried to be funny and it backfired miserably