April 13,

“Perhaps dawn is lovelier than twilight, allusive of the light that arises from darkness, the peaceful assurance that night does not last forever. Or the cold drawing away of the veil, the assertion that disturbance always mars the idyllic dream of nightfall.”

---

Embracing romanticism, it is the holiday spirit!

keep thinking about that richard siken interview where he's talking about simplifying the metaphor, by removing the "is" — and the moon, terrible. the distance between the object and the thing to which it is likened to falls away, it feels [it reads], smoother, unhindered by simplified vocabulary. and so, it becomes alive, breathing.

its the same way sally rooney has removed quotation marks, and her writing feels smoother from it, subtler, a more coherent story where there is no stepping in our out of characters. everything falls in line, the veil draws back: the distance between character/reader is removed and instead of having the feeling be cut up by speech marks – there is a greater intimacy. the boundary is gone. the feelings of the character no longer at a distance to yourself, the reader is immersed in the skin of the character. no longer a book away.

i see the same thing in the internets refusal to Capitalise. (realise how you just read that word differently? your internal tone of voice heightening at that C?) thats again, removing the distance [!], keeping a hold of that intimacy with the reader. cherishing that tender bond.

its interesting, because siken says he needs to rely on the reader to make the associative leap when the "is" is left out. the same is true for rooney, i think. the lack of quotation marks demands attention. with an unfocused an divided mind, the lack of speech marks can easily be more annoying than smooth, stopping the flow of which the text invites the reader into. the capitalization of words is a stop too, a poem with uneven syllables: an irregular heartbeat ruining the pulse of the rhythm.

comparative words, quotation marks, and capitalized words – they all stop the blood-flow of the text. disrupt the rhythm. cut the flow short. maybe im simply very sensitive to these things, maybe i think too much about literary devices, but i love this style of writing. this stripping down – this removal of boundary and convention. the moon, terrible [how incredible!!] more please <3

Me: wants to start a conversation with someone

Me: thinks about all the potential things that could go wrong and have gone wrong in the past

Me: keeps thinking about this for twenty days

Me: gathers enough courage to open the chat

Me: sees the last text message

Me: becomes extremely paranoid and reads hostility into the ‘ok’ that was received

Me: just fucking gives up trying to make friends

cognitive functions brainstorm (Ti and Te)

ps: you'll probably identify yourself the most if one of them is your dominant or auxiliary function.

Ti (introvert thinking) user - internal logic; "what makes sense to me?"; "does that makes sense to me?"; "but what makes sense after all?"; "nothing makes sense"; nihilism; overthinking; existential crises; existentialism; rationalism; "i think, therefore i am"; "i am my thoughts"; realising you're not your thoughts; "i am my intellect"; intellectual; perceived as intelligent and brilliant; logical-mathematical intelligence; linguistic intelligence; existential intelligence; "the meaning of life is knowledge"; know-it-alls; knowledge is everything for them; knowledge seeker; knowledge just for the hell of it; walking encyclopedias; "if i could live forever i would read all the books and articles i want"; have a hard time accepting mistakes because if they are so damn smart why the hell they could overlooked something?; learning to acknowledge that they know that they know nothing.

"why humans don't make sense?"; "i make sense". then over analyses oneself; analytical; perceives incongruencies and inconsistencies easily; pointing out incongruencies and inconsistencies; people often feel attacked when they make these apparently harsh observations; observant; truth seeker; "why i don't make sense?"; feeling like a fraud when their own incongruencies and inconsistences comes out; impostor syndrome; pointing out their own incongruencies and inconsistencies; self-deprecating; self-deprecating humor; "i want someone i can have a mind connection with"; "i don't want a soulmate, i want a mindmate"; mind over matter; mindgames.

debater; opinionated; "why is everyone so dumb?"; "why no one asks me what i think more often?"; intellectual loneliness; existential loneliness; self discussions; "i like to talk with smart people that's why i talk a lot with myself"; cares too much about what themselves thinks about themselves; have their own personal beliefs whether were created or enhanced by themselves; prone to believe in conspiracy theories; have their own systems and way of doing things; slow thinkers; slow doers.

Te (extrovert thinking) user - external logic; what makes sense externally; evidences; data; facts; perceived as rational; perceived as someone who always get their shit together; competent; efficient; getting shit done; people turn to you to help them do their shit; feeling overwhelmed because of your tasks and the tasks of others.

"why is everyone so incompetent?"; "if you want a thing done well, do it yourself."; perfectionist yet in a hurry to get things done; thinking out loud; "what do you think?"; "what do you think of me?"; my name's blurryface and i care what you think; "i want you to think high of me. that's why i have this credential and this credential, and this one and this other...".

straightforward; "i say what i mean and mean what i say"; self-confident; perceived as confident even if they don't feel like; people turn to them to make decisions; leader; boss; bossy; only with their posture, they command respect; leader posture; people often fear them; resting bitch face; people expect them to make the first move. ALWAYS.; "it is tiring sometimes to be the only one who always takes the first step".

"don't waste your time. don't waste MY time"; so good with deadlines; get pissed off when an employee or colleague don't meet the deadlines; "there's a time for everything"; schedules and timetables; organized; controlling; fast thinkers. fast doers; their motto is "just do it"; "you better think fast"; "what's the point?"; "go straight to the point, please"; objective.

their mind is always setting goals; ambitious; hardworking; workaholics; they are always doing something and/or thinking of doing something; checklists; pragmatic; "knowledge needs to be applied in reality otherwise it is useless"; the urge to be useful; it is hard to rest for them; it is hard to do nothing; abhors idleness; hates being sick because they need to rest and do nothing; procrastinate, as everyone in this burnout society, but their procrastinations just occurs every now and then. too goal oriented for that.

"i am my work. i am the work i do. that's why the work needs to be perfect and done as quickly as possible"; no time to die; realising you're not the work you do.

alright gather round, enthusiasts of shakespeare’s words words words. i’m gonna learn you a fun research exercise you can do in lieu of switching between the same four websites or even include in your research for essays and creative stuff. 

step 1. first up, you’re gonna need a play you like (or literally any work written between 1450 to let’s say 1700, but i baited you with shakespeare so.)

step 2. get you a word. it doesn’t have to necessarily be a difficult word that needs glosses. actually, it’s more fun if you take a word you think you know.

step 3: go here. see, you keep being told that the first dictionary was invented by samuel johnson in 1757. which isn’t wholly incorrect, this guy did set out to define all words. but lexicons and glossaries wayyyyyy predate johnson. the catch is, these were for difficult words. or words specific to a trade. this is actually interesting and tells us more than if all words were defined like the OED or smth. more on this soon. now type in your word and hit enter.

step 4: you will see a list of old, digitized, searchable lexicons. and it lists every instance your word is used. holy shit, you think. 

step 5: now here are some things you can assume. if your word occurs in the headword (the word being defined), then it’s a difficult word. for speakers of that time. if your word is used in definitions and explanations of other words, they were common words that didn’t need to be explained. easy words may also be on spelling books for children but again, not defined. 

step 6: okay, now what? you’ve learned the meaning of the word in context and its usage. now it’s time for conceptsssssssss. click on some translating dictionaries where this word occurs. these are more likely to have synonyms. now take a deep breath because you’ll see some wild connections. why is virginity the same as honesty of life? why does enjoy mean “to possess” something but also TO FUCK? co valences are so fun because essentially ON PURPOSE. THESE WORDS WERE CHOSEN ON PUPRPOSE.

step 7: wonder, and go back to your play. 

[just to put my credentials on the table, this is my field of research. so it’s 100% okay if you have objectively a better idea of fun. but one of my friends said this was like carbon dating words, so i’m operating under that illusion, baby.]

Finalities

My hands have grown tired of writing about you Though the scars long since have faded into skin Smooth, edge-less, no longer promising red, A mother's daughter through out and through in.

Sleep is less tiresome, and all my work once done Leaves me fiddling with spare hours at the table, Twisting them in and out of a ring that shines on My fourth finger - chipped from the old fable Where the kindest doves would nip down at the Lover who wore your shoes, and drive her out Barefoot into the night - where you only yesterday Curled up under, melting tears into silent clout.

But there, it is a fable other hands have written, An embrace where other shoulders found shelter, And many others yet found tranquilled lethe. Mine is not a story foretold, perhaps for the better.

It has been very long.

Perhaps the lack of a proper Farewell kept me from exiting the scene definitely, so here I am, properly clad in mourning white, clutching at a handkerchief and a bouquet of marigolds. Marigolds in our country are worn in the hair and as necklaces by the bride. Who am I being given away to? From where I stand, it looks like a pyre, where one is burnt with her dead lover. I began to write for you, dearest, and so I shall stop for you, for you are gone. Other fingers now are exploring the crook in your smile, the scar on your hip. Other hands hold yours as you gaze into the deathly moon on quiet summer nights. Other songs nest in your head, ones you and her share.

And here, here I am. Pinning myself to every chord you ever sang to me, but never will once again.

I shall not love again.

Taking the hands of the maiden rumoured to be

Fairer than the naiads, you’ll dance among

the falling ruins of the golden city,

And let ripples of laughter collide with

the crashing wave of destruction, while the

Seas roar and Cetus ravages the coast of Aethiopia,

Flinging care into the ever-clouded face of the ocean,

Andromeda hid her grief beneath eyes bright and

Glistening, and avowed to dance till death looked

Sharp into her eyes, his face pale and haggard.

Thus came to a halt the whistling winds

And the singing sirens,

for the lord of the dead awaited none,

Some say the care she threw into the ocean,

Now lies buried amidst a wreath of bleeding hearts,

You’ll clasp it gently in your hands,

Were there ever ones more worthy?

And I’ll weave the hearts into a

Shroud for the lost daughter.

To be lit under the evening ablaze with the

Light of a thousand stars, all fallen.

---

I wonder what the impulse to beauty is, - thinking of Darwin - without all the jargon around it. Why should a pale pink cloud strike the eye as profound and beautiful? There is a pigeon drinking water a few feet from where I sit and the squirrels are chasing each other over half raised walls. Today, the evening tells me of something that has been in ruins for a period long enough for it to have ceased to matter. Somewhere a bird whispers, the ruins are to rise again, not in image of what was, but as a shrine what is now. The future seems less real than the past. why?

cym as fav lyrics

Aaaaaaa anon you must forgive me for being so late about it, I had one hell of a ride choosing song lyrics *pants as if I'd been running*

But eeee it will be a long post-

• @shecriesalonemp3

"Listen close and don't be stoned

I'll be here in the morning

'Cause I'm just floating

Your cigarette still burns

Your messed up world will thrill me

...

Alison, I'll drink your wine

And wear your clothes when we're both high

Alison, I said we're sinking

But she laughs and tells me it's just fine

I guess she's out there somewhere"

- Alison (Slowdive)

• @its-toasted

"Take everything you have in front of you

Make every movement, do it to the groove

You will not be happy for long if you're working

And what would be the point if it did ever surface?

...

Wake up to the rhythm of the city and I try to remember

Even my brothers have some trouble with

Each other since since those things fell apart

It's the way that things are

It's the way that it is

...

Even when you split me up, groovin' to the sound of the laughter

And if I listen to it closely I can

Still hear all the love in his heart

Every time I take a look at the skyline it makes me feel better

'Cause I just miss you down here where the other people try to move on"

- Blue Coupe (Twin Peaks)

• @deviocat

"Oh, you can't hear me 'cause I sing to a different age

And you should fear me 'cause I believe in a different age

But I live in the city that lives in a different age

Oh, I live in a city that lives in a different age

Where all the poets are writing memoirs

And I'm still singing songs

Oh, all the poets are writing memoirs

And I'm still singing songs"

- A Different Age (Current Joys)

• @lacexleaves

"I used to think of ferris wheel light sounds

The Friday hum of neons and blue

But now they're like circular cages

Of grated tin and rusted wind

Hey, now, who really cares?

Hey, won't somebody listen

Let me say what's been on my mind

Can I bring it out to you

I need someone to talk to

And no one else will spare me the time"

- Hey, Who Really Cares? (Linda Perhacs)

• @francesco-bernoulli-gang

"Angels smoking cigarettes on rooftops in fishnets in the morning with the

Moon still glowing

And here comes Jesus in an Astrovan rolling down the strip again

He's stoned while Jerry plays

Life ain't ever what it seems

These dreams are more than paper things

And it's alright mama you're afraid

I'll be poor along the way

I don't wanna see those tears again

You know, Jesus drives an Astrovan

Yes, he does (I say woo)"

- Astrovan (Mt. Joy)

• @pani-puri

"Pulling up, getting down

This whole place is crazy town

Music bumping and the lights gone down

Never felt at home in any place I found

Oh, I live in a cold, white wind

And I feel the chill coming over me again"

- Butterfly (Adrianne Lenker)

• @anjo-umbra

"Put your hands on the wheel

Let the golden age begin

Let the window down

Feel the moonlight on your skin

Let the desert wind

Cool your aching head

Let the weight of the world

Drift away instead

These day I barely get by

I don't even try

It's a treacherous road

With a desolated view

There's distant lights

But here they're far and few

And the sun don't shine

Even when its day

You gotta drive all night

Just to feel like you're ok"

- The Golden Age (Beck)

• @roseusnoctua

"Satellite, headlines read

Someone's secrets you've seen

Eyes and ears have been

Satellite dish in my yard

Tell me more, tell me more

Who's the king of your satellite castle?

Winter's cold spring erases

And the calm away by the storm is chasing

Everything good needs replacing

Look up, look down all around, hey satellite

Rest high above the clouds no restrictions

Television we bounce 'round the world

And while I spend these hours

Five senses reeling

I laugh about this weatherman's satellite eyes"

- Satellite (Dave Matthews Band)

• @sidereusimber

"And though I may be getting older

Know that I'm going with you

Know that I'm hanging on

to the things that you said

The things that you said

...

I've felt my soul

Rise up from my body when

I look into your blue eyes

...

If cosmic force

Is real at all

It's come between you and I"

- Some Things Cosmic (Angel Olsen)

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